TAMING OF THE SHOE……………..
With due respect to the dear departed bard, this one has nothing to do with any classic work of literature.

Since New Year’s Eve is at the bend in the road, this winter tale is about how Surtis have prepared to party this year.

Now that we have qualified choreographers to turn our cream crowd into dancing kings and queens, it’s been a busy month of prancing preparations.

Lalas and lalarinas decided there would be no more free styling, hence; original Surti dance styles, like Salabatpura swing, Golwaad gyrations, and Parle Point’s pretence have been shown the backdoor.

Hip hop, Salsa and Waltz is what’s hot, in this chilly month.Whats more; we had some national level teachers to come show steps to the willing to spend brigade.

In Surat, most of the crowd that can afford expensive extravaganzas majorly consists of Richie rich aunties and uncles, so, lalarinas decided to tuck up their sarees and swoosh a bit. Unfortunately for them, their husbands are too ‘prim and propah’ to hang loose in public as a result of which all these ballroom dancing skills might never go public but just stay limited to the mirrors in front of which they have been sweated out.

Getting jiggy with it in Tapi town has never been so easy, along with tutors to show us groovy moves and the’ whats new on the block’ music mixes easily accessible, Surat now, also has unending options for trendy dresses, strappy stiletto’s and fashion accessories for dancers to don.

Nevertheless, for most Surti socialites, anything available locally is,’not good enough’ or ‘too tacky ‘for their taste.So, special trips to Mumbai, the Mecca of modern fashion have been made in preparation to greet the new year.

Along with clothes and footwear, haircuts too have been the reason for the crème ‘de la crème’ to take a ‘snip trip’ and look their best.I hear top in town hairstylists of Bollywood’s basti, are now so overwhelmed with enthusiastic Surti visitors, that they are proposing to set up hair cut workshops regularly in Diamond city to meet up the ‘dressed to demand’ hair stories. I personally think they should keep away, because once they become locally available, they will lose their ‘exclusive charm’ and esteemed clients too.

A word about the clothes here, never before have so many a kind, of well cut, short dresses been available in all colours under the sun. Small shops around the corners have geared up with Bangkok and Thailand apparels to please the lissome ladies, with bows and belts thrown in for good measure. Most dresses look more like gift paper wrapping, rather than clothing (methinks they are taking the concept of being ‘presentable ‘a tad too seriously).
Boys are sprucing up with glittery tee shirts and sleekly cut jackets as well as leather ones, men meanwhile are trying to fit into their rarely used, labeled formal attires, teaming them up with pointy toe shoes.

All in all, whether it’s Goa, Daman, Bombay or good old Tapi town, Surtis are set to usher in next new decade in high spirits, that they hold very dear. Here is wishing you all a very happy New Year.

Tapi town tattle-Pasti ki paathshala.

SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS…………
In the birth month of the unconquered Holy son, the season of celebration is unending. Just as universal as Christmas, is its spirit of peace, love and family bonding time that is globally glorified.

A lot of traditions that are celebrated at this time of the year were actually adopted from different cultures in the ancient ages.

Like the lights on the Christmas tree are from the candles that were lit in the Norse tradition of lighting fire to help Woden and Thor battle the evil of winter.

The evergreen home décor stands for the early Celtic belief of plants that don’t lose their green colour could help wish away ill effects of the cold.

Exchanging presents comes from the Saturlanian practice. Even the colours of Christmas –Red and Green stand for Holly plants berries and leaves that the Romans used to hang around their homes to ward off evil eyes and witchcraft.

Christmas carols were sung with joy in wayside Inns and taverns in the light mood of enjoying music with lyrics that were not as serious as the Church hymns.

With most major roads in Surat dug up, Santa maybe in for a rough ride into Tapi town this year, but Surtis, who are basically a ‘khai pi ane jalsa’ [eat, drink and make merry] community are in a festive mood since December has commenced.

Beginning with the wedding frenzy for this calendar year, where glitzy glitterati were the theme. Lalas and lalarinas who themselves were dressed up enough to put Christmas trees to shame; with dazzling beads and baubles, foot stomped to popular wedding numbers like ‘yeh desh hai veer jawano ka’ [if you are wondering why a war song for a wedding, then you are probably not married yet.]

Tapi town retailers are in hope of things looking up in the New Year and have set up ‘Christmas special’ schemes on everything from soap to clothes to grains to toys.

Suburban senoritas are strapping on slinky halters and stilettos, as they take salsa lessons gearing up to swing in the New Year.

The ever hard working lalas too, are taking time out to party the nights and business blues away.

Surti Kid brigade has never had a busier hop scotching fortnight, with a host of X’mas parties to attend to, organized by tuition classes, friends and professionals.

Lest the true spirit of Christmas be lost in just the partying, here is a novel way to teach the children about it-
Organize a ‘bake it yourself’ party for the children and let them shape and decorate the X’mas cookies in the symbols that represent the festival:

Star-to fulfill promises, Santa-for generosity and happiness, Bells-for guidance to the ‘lost sheep’, Candy cane –that represents the Shepherd’s crook to show the way, Angels –Peace and goodwill, Wreaths- continuous love, Trees- everlasting hope.

Host a ‘Donate -a- toy’ day; at any of the various children’s institutions that we have or at a close by slum to bring a little’ joy to the world.’ Get kids to stuff stockings with gifts to give and play Santa Claus for a change because sharing and caring is what this festival is truly all about. A little happiness, is always welcome, the world around.

Tapi town tattle-SMC celebrates Thanksgiving.

ODE TO UNDHIYU.............. As winter spreads its blanket of chill across the western belt of our country, it brings with it different meaning to different cities.

Ahmedabad, 275 kms North of Surat is celebrating with cultural programmes in open air under starlit skies .Its people, are enriching themselves in the wealth of poetry, dance, drama and musical recitals.

Mumbai, 275 kms South of Surat is celebrating winter fashion in style, whilst by lanes within Bandra are warming up with pre Christmas marketing.

Surtis on the other hand, are celebrating winter with what they do the best-preparing Gujarati gourmet delights. Surtis are foodies and every season brings in with it a special menu for the trimester.
All roads leading in to Surat from Vapi onwards, see smoke billowing from roadside stalls .The farm labourers from the Tapi to Vapi belt prepare a little known dish called the ‘umbadiyu’ in winter. Even son of the soil Kailash Kher couldn’t resist it, on his recent visit to the town.

The umbadiyu is a darker, smoky cousin of undhiyu.Made with wild black papdi from village Bhata, along with yam, sweet potato, brinjal, it is marinated with ginger and chilli paste then baked in a clay pot which is sealed with aromatic leaves of Kaler and Camboi.
This pot is buried in a hole in the ground, covered with hay and cow dung cakes and burnt for about 40 minutes; a small portion of this delicacy is put in an earthen kullad at the mouth of the matka to check when it’s done. This sampler is fondly called a ‘daakan [witch]'Umbadiyu is served with green chutney and buttermilk.
The Parsis from Udavada add on eggs and pieces of chicken to the same and call it Adadiyu [not to be confused with ‘adadhiyu’ of Daman which would mean 375 mls of alcohol].
Special khadiya-mundi mutton is prepared in most Khatri homes their version of Undhiyu consists of ‘papdi ma mutton’. Sprigs of fresh garlic greens are chopped for' lasan nu kachu'; as an accompaniment.

But, over and above all these preparations, the meal that is considered as the ultimate meal in Surti communities is 'Malai, puri and undhiyu'.

Many homes in Surat traditionally invite family and friends in winter for the same; the preparation is often marinated overnight for all the flavours to sink in.
Here is a salute to the unbeatable, irresistible, exclusive Surti preparation that does not taste as good anywhere else, the world over
–Ode to Undhiyu –
'O sweet creatures of Katargaam's creeper vine. You, the green papdi, tender as one would ever find,
With fragrance that lingers on the fingers that string you,Surrounded in the richness of yam ,plantains ,potatoes,sakariyas,stuffed wild brinjals and what have you .
Enriched in flavour by sesame oil and green garlic, prepared on the sim, marinated in chilli ginger paste; with supple fenugreek dumplings that enhance your taste.
While asafetida and ajwain are tempered to tease, as taste buds tuck in desiccated coconut and corriander, thoughroughly pleased.The epitome of Tapti cooking, a gourmet's delight, an art to achieve, an exotic treat.
A taste impossible to beat..............here is to you,'O Surti Undhiyu!'

BAPU’S SURTI SON ………
A successful man is often said to be ‘as successful as his secretary’s efficiency is’. Going by the legend of Mahatma Gandhi, one can only but imagine what a vital role his chief secretary, Mahadev Desai played in his life.

Born in Surat’s Olpad area in a village called Saras, on January 1st, 1892, this son of a school teacher who stood first at Surat high school, went on to study at the Elphinstone College in Mumbai and later pursued an LLB course during which he also took up a part time job at The Oriental Translator’s office. His translation of John Morley’s ‘On Compromise’ into Gujarati won him the first prize for best translation by the Gujarat Forbes Society. Little did he know then, that he would one day, go on to translate Gandhiji's autobiography,

'The story of my experiments with the truth’which is considered one of the most spiritual reads of the 20th century, worldwide.

Mahadev Desai was amongst Bapu’s earliest follower along with Narhari Parikh. He joined the Ashram in 1917 and often walked up to twenty two miles in a single day to be in Bapu’s company. He could have become a great lawyer, journalist and littérateur but, he reduced himself to zero to serve Bapu.As Kishorelal Mashruwala described him ‘inspite of being a learned philosopher, poet, writer, singer, he would turn into a sweeper, cook, washerman, secretary, clerk, teacher, an ambassador who could accomplish delicate errands with skills, an arbitrator who would remove every misunderstanding his master had about you, a man of highest balance.

He always found the time to read, write and spin despite a never ending schedule. He vastly contributed articles to Navjivan, Young India, Harijan bandhu,Amrit Bazaar Patrika,The Independant,The Hindu.Translated works of Tagore and also Jawaharlal’s autobiography to Gujarati and many books, including ‘A righteous struggle-The story of Bardoli.’He created a sensation by bringing out a hand written cyclostyled newspaper after the British confiscated the printing press.

Called the bridge between man and Mahatma, it was Mahadev’s diary ‘Day to day with Gandhi’ that chronicled the most important years of the freedom struggle through which the world came to know Gandhi better and for the man he was.


Anthropologist Verrier Elwin, who wrote an essay on Mahadev called him Plato to Gandhi’s Socrates. ‘He was a home and foreign secretary combined who made all arrangements in the office, guest house and kitchen .He looked after many guests and must have saved 10 years of Gandhiji life by diverting him from unwanted visitors.Mahadev’s task was to make Gandhi real to millions. He made him, perhaps the best known man in the world, certainly the most loved, through his words describing the life of Mahatma.

Fondly called Hanuman to Gandhiji Ram, he died at a young age of 50 on 15th August 1942,of a heart attack at the Aga Khan palace. Breathing his last in Bapu’s lap, where they were imprisoned during the Quit India movement.

Narayan Desai his son, who wrote ‘The fire and the rosé ‘begins his book with this moving account of how Gandhi called out,’Mahadev Mahadev’even after he stopped breathing. Upon being asked later, Bapu said,’ "I felt that if Mahadev opened his eyes and looked at me, I would tell him to get up. He had never disobeyed me in his life. I was confident that had he heard those words, he would have defied even death and got up".

BATTLE OF THE BULGE……………..
Of all the winter routines that Surtis follow most whole heartedly, is their annual winter weight loss schedule.

Post ras, puri, and ghari, not to mention the ghooghra, cholafali of Diwali, the extra kilos need to go before the much awaited New Year’s Eve show.

Hence, come December and Tapi town is abuzz with how to battle the bulge. Everyone has a different approach and idea as to what is the quickest way to lose it.

Trends are a big thing in Tapi town; once someone looks about 200 grams thinner than they did, be rest assured conscious suburban Surtis are going to follow. Here’s how-

STATUTORY WARNING- Do not, under ANY circumstances, attempt ANY of these without consulting your doctor. The ideas expressed herewith are solely those of Surtis in general, bear no resemblance to ANY people you know and most importantly, this column is not responsible for any legal action against it.


FAT TO FIT IN 30 DAYS, VIA 7 WAYS.

Dance pe chance maar le-Turn into a hot stepper and join a dance class to dancercise away the extra pounds. Practice groovy moves, in comfy sports shoes. Try out all out Govinda, Mithunda steps as you check out your self in the mirror and get more ‘moti’vated to melt.
Race sason ki-No silly, its not another ma in law sitcom, it’s simply Surti walkers who are on the run now. The casual languorous evening walkers now have a spring in their steps as they make a run for it, in a bid to get a lower score on the weighing scale.
Gym Hymn-Sweat it out, actually, as someone rightfully put it’ horses sweat, men perspire and women glow’. Get instant lessons on how to build muscle mass and use body fat as energy, with personal fitness trainers [just like the stars].
Tum ‘puke’karlo-Ugly, this one. But, Surtis on the road to bulimia and anorexia are indulging in what goes in must come out, against nature’s way. If you see a friend with falling hair, dead skin and hollow eyes, help, pronto!
Lips locked-Calm down, there is no need to get excited thinking what you are thinking. The term simply means ‘no entry’ for food as, lips are firmly sealed post a meal of hot water, puffed rice and roasted khakhras.
Yoga power, go get it-Yoga instructors are busier than ever before to give huff and puff lessons. It is not as simple as it sounds; Surtis seek to perform Surya namaskars and Bhastrika at break neck speed to match Kareena’s moves.
Hide and seek-The short cut lovers are taking the easy way out. Hunting for loose clothing that will hide the fat and make silhouettes sleek.Desi designers are busy promoting and producing their new line for the same.


Many of the above ways will be meticulously followed with all might, until the month end. Then, it will be a new day and a new year while most will bid adieu to the sports gear.

Tapi town tattle-Kher, gaaney do.

KHER, GAANEY DO…………..
Destiny’s child and son of the soil, Kailash Kher was in Tapi town for the first time for a concert organized by the arts and cultural society –Oyster Club. In an exclusive interview with The Times of India, he shared his music, masti and magic with Ashlesha Khurana.

Q.Kailash, like the mountain that your name suggests your performances have been rock solid, do you think you have reached the peak?

A. When I began this journey, I never thought of having a target destination in mind.Today, because of my songs, filmy and non filmy, becoming hits one after the other, music lovers and fans have taken me to that level. I find it the same, only now my work is better known. I do not cherish a desire to touch any height; the peak is already there in the people’s verdict. If they respect your work, you are automatically elevated in their hearts.

Q.Like Amir Khusro’s poetry, do you feel your female oriented songs are bigger hit, like Saiyyaan, Teri Dewaani etc?

A.I would like to put it this way, like Amir Khusro, Kabir, and Raidas too
wrote in the same format even Bulle Shah who wrote,’Ishq wich jogan ho gayiaan, mein sada suhaagan ho gayiaan.’Kabir wrote, Ram mere pihu, mein toh Ram ki bahuriya.’this is entirely ‘nirguni brahm upasak’ format. Those who write this imagine their Guru in the male gender and their own soul as the female gender becomes the beloved in devotion. That is where the atma and parmatma connect and the emotion comes out so strongly and beautifully.

Q.When in love, Indians around the world sing Kailash Kher songs what does Kailash Kher sing?

A.I sometimes sings my songs, classical compositions like Pt.Kumar Gandharv, Pt.Jasraj, Pt.Bhimsen Joshi, I even hum bhajans sometimes because I write them in a way people will not call them bhajans, I put in some entirely different colourful aspect to it like I have just penned some lines for my forthcoming song,’Ek achambha gaaun, mann ke paath sunau, jab kabhi kabhi, mere babaji neharey aasmaan se.’ [when God looks down on me from the skies, I suddenly start singing.]I also love ghazals and quawallis and Lataji’s abhangs.Also, live folk songs of small towns and villages that are unconventional and natural.

Q.With such a hectic, on-stop, schedule, when do you get the time to practice?

A.I practice with my performances and recordings; I learn as I perform. Art and knowledge are the only things that grow as you learn. You can improve yourself with every performance, by learning more and more.

Q.When is your experience as a judge on reality shows?
A. The talent of the youth in the country is immense, they surprise me with their natural potential.But, when they have to sing on conditions and perform songs of other singers to be popular, the purity of their performance is lost with impurities.

Q.Whats that one song, which you would have loved to sing in your voice?


There are many songs, but I don’t think that ‘I can sing this better.’ Like once while we were recording for Swadesh, with A.R.Rahman, and some other singer was singing. I took interest in it and during retakes I participated excitedly and Rahman asked me would you like to sing this? I sang the song that later Rahman himself ended up singing for Swades, I listen to it whole heartedly and the song is,’Yeh jo des hai tera Swades hai tera.’

Q.How do you find the people of Gujarat as an audience?

A.Gujaratis all over the world are a musically inclined audience. They are highly religious and their cultural roots are very strong. They love ‘khana and gaana [laughs].They are also very hard working but know how to enjoy like a king.

Q.The youth loves your songs, what is your message to them?

A.The youth loves freedom and hates being dictated. My message to them is that the world of tomorrow is for you so, be aware of global warming and careful of not harming it by the wrong kind of industrialization.Keep your lives and nature as wonderful and pure as it is.

RAPID SURTI SPEAKING COURSE………..
Gujarati, the first language of Gandhiji, the father of our nation and Jinnah, the father of Pakistan is considered one of the easiest languages to learn.

Its history dates back to the 12th century. Its base is from the Sanskrit language and its appearance differs from Devnagri with the absence of the horizontal line above the alphabets.

Between the 14th and 17th century, Urdu and Persian, which were court languages, greatly influenced Gujarati; The Avesta and Pahlavi were translated into it. Gujarati therefore, can be written in Persian and Arabic scripts and is, still done so, in parts of Kutch.

Narsinh Mehta provided it the power of expression, while Alexander Kinloch Forbes added British romanticism and style to it.

One of the most notable contributors to the language was Surti poet Narmad Shankar Dave. He introduced Grammar, essay writing, autobiography and dictionary to the language, purifying it.

Part of the city continues to speak it politely, as he had molded it.’Kem cho, shu kaam chey’. [How are you, what do you want?]

However, for a major part of the city, Surti language today, is a far cry from what Narmad had developed.

Some areas in Tapi town are witness to cute conversations like ‘heya si ta aney ta si heya’ [from here to there and there to here] like our Dawoodi Bohra community speaks or to the subtle, sweet soirees of the Parsis,’Mareyre, fatimua! Bhonu jamva chal, jov.’[Come have your food!]

With the advent of artisans, tribals and peasants, not to mention the unabashed nature of our Khatri, Ghanchi and Gola brothers and sisters, the language got colourful influence, to change as never before.

Visitors from the ‘Propah’ cities of Ahmedabad and Vadodra are aghast upon hearing Surti language.

Migrants from Punjab and up North have actually adopted it, feeling at home with its profanity.

Marwadis; however remain under much shock till date and end up saying,’Hamarey Calcutta mein aisa nahi hota hai,’ for a change.

The good thing about Surti language is that it is very much uncomplicated and extremely easy to learn.So, here is a quick and easy guide.

Lesson # 1.Stress on the alphabets D and T, make them sound double like DD and TT. E.g. kidhu= kiddhu and nathi =natthi.

Lesson # 2.Reverse swing, de stress the alphabets DD and TT and make them sound single like D and T.e.g, vadd=vad and tattoo=tatoo.

Lesson # 3.Everything that ends with DA is to be pronounced as RA e.g. Kapra [clothes], Chopra [books]

Lesson# 4.Importance of ‘who’.Everything, in Surti mostly revolves around ‘who’

e.g.-‘who karey chey’=wassup dude?
‘who vaatt chey’=wow!
‘mein who kiddhu?”=what did I say?
‘who karvanu chey?”=what should we do?
‘who joiye chey? =what do you want?

Lesson #5.Importance of ‘what’. You don’t need to be a Biology student, but it would help you to speak Surti better if you were one.Surti language greatly depends on mentionable and unmentionable, printable and unprintable body parts of your father,mother,sister,brother in law etc.

e.g.-‘tara baap nu kapaal’=your father’s forehead.
Err…..reader discretion advised for other examples.

And that is really all there is, to ‘Surti bhasha’, as spoken.

Tapi town tattle-Modi marathon.

SURAT’S CULTURAL HERITAGE………….
Tapi town is celebrating world heritage week with much enthusiasm and aplomb this year. With SMC’s new partnership policy of conserving whatever if left of our ancient monuments, hand in hand with the Surtis, the citizens are more aware of the same than ever before.

The core city areas of what was once the inner walled city that clustered around the castle and town square-Chowk, -Sonifaliya, Vadifaliya, Nanavat, Gopipura is where Surat’s elite lived in the ancient times. In grand row houses that were supported with huge magnificent logs of Burma teak shipped in at Rander,with Sun roofs in the centre that let the air, light and shine in, prominent Surti families belonging to diverse castes and subcastes of Hindus,Jains,Vaniyas and Brahmins lived here in collective numbers.

A lot of Surat’s culture was influenced from these areas. The rich trader Gopi, whose vision and philanthropy greatly contributed to Surat gaining importance as a port town after the Portuguese burnt Rander, our popular poet Narmad along with providing vast contributions to the Gujarati language was also a torch bearer of modern change, who not only preached but also practiced social reforms such as widow remarriage.Virji Vora, the merchant prince, one of the richest in the world in his times. He out bid the British while trading for commodities like pepper, opium, gold, silver, cotton etc.He dictated his terms to the Europeans, through his wide spread international network.

The biggest virtue within the walled city was that of good reputation. For Surtis, a well respected name was everything. A family’s general image of respectability was enough to gain financial mobility without actual cash transactions. A small sapling of Tulsi would be sent to the money lender with a note of request from the one in need and that would be enough to provide capital, by word of mouth. People were respected for their lineage and not by the liquidity of wealth that they possessed. Till this date, Surtis from well known families in these areas, who had seen better days, are looked upon as,’bau saara manas hata’.
The various other self contained communities around the inner core vastly contributed to the city’s emerging culture.
The close knit and very efficient Daudi Bohras who excelled at trading, the enterprising Parsi community who also brought Shakespeare theatre into town, the pious Edrus Saiyyeds known for their scholarship and abilities to perform miracles.
The royal Nawabs of Surat, Bela and the Kazis [judges] and Bakshis [holding rank], who owned positions and land,
The unabashed Ghachis and Golas, who pressed oil and pounded rice respectively and later, turned to manufacturing of Jari that made Surat world famous.
The Khatri and Kanbis who were the weavers and artisans, the Patels who were the zamindars set out wages for artisans along with community norms; all brought in their own distinct language, laws and food.

Since the city thrived on trade, had International exposure with an ability to absorb outsiders, Surat was seeped in diverse culture that has mingled over the years to turn into,’ Surti nature.’

With finance, friends, food and fun, Surti lalas learnt to live life king size.



.

COFFEE WITH KITAAB…….
Winter chills are best combated with a cuppa steamy hot coffee and a great book, while snuggling up under your favourite quilt. But, in this new age, the constant complaint is ‘where is the time?”So, here are a few tips for Tapi towners to catch up on both, Coffee and kitaab, in accordance to the mood theme…….

While waiting in babudom for your appointment with ‘Saheb’, at sales tax, income tax or smc offices, read Ludwig Von Mises, ‘Beuarocracy’-a fundamental examination and contrast of free market economy and beuarocracy.Get down to the brass tacks learn the crux of the subject. Make sure you sip on a double shot espresso to stay alert.

As you savor a café latté, awaiting your bank loan to be passed, try,’ Of human bondage’, W.Somerset.Maugham’s best known work. Of how a young Philip is at his uncle’s mercy, for finances that he has inherited and his intriguing relationships .A read that unsettles you and startles you into thought.

Sight seeing the grandeur of the pompous Dutch cemetery? take a cappuccino break and page through ,’Twilight’-by far the most readable in its league of vampire love stories. Addictive with the chivalrous charm and sweet nature of heart throb vampires Edward Cullen and Jacob Black, you probably will do the 600 pages in a single go.

Sipping a Mocha at your child’s school as you queue up to meet the Miss, make sure you catch up on,’The little prince’ one of the world’s best sellers, by French aviator Antoine de Saint Exup`ery.Translated in 80 languages it’s a delightful read of how a child perceives life and a must read for everyone who was a child once.

Gulping the milk rich ‘kophi’ at a Pandesara mill, as you pray for your ‘maal’ to be passed, try Ayn Rand’s ‘Atlas Shrugged’. The philosophical femme fatale who wrote the popular’Fountainhead’, has put elements of mystery and science fiction in this book she best describes as,’ The role of man’s mind in existence.’

Beauty parlor blues, while getting your hair and nails done, can be easily blown away with the American classic,’ Gone with the wind’ by Margaret Mitchell. Enjoy the turbulent love affair in turbulent times, between a charming, manipulative Scarlett’O’Hara and a rustic, roguish Rhett Butler as you take a swig of Irish coffee.

Browsing on the internet waiting to connect? Slug a chocochino and run through Thomas Freidman’s’ the world is flat ‘.It’s what you need for an indispensable update of globalization. His ability to simplify complex foreign policies and economic issues is incomparable.

At the local coffee shop, over macchiato, what better a read than Leo Tolstoy’s’The coffee-house of Surat’,that teaches how people from diverse faith and cultures around the world, once merged into our town [just as varied as the coffees now available] and learnt a lesson from Confucius.

Partake black coffee with a loved one and discover the passionate poetry of Pablo Neruda or Paulo Coelho’s soul mate theory in,’Brida’, on a garden bench. Flow with the verse as you nestle in the warmth of words. Truly, a lot can happen over coffee.

Tapi town tattle-Phyan ke side effects.

LIFE OF A SURTI LALA……………..
So, you thought that life of a lala was all about living life kingsize, eh?
Last evening, I happened to meet rich and famous Surti sheth Dhanvantbhai Shethia.
‘Kem cho, Dhanvantdada?’
‘Prubhu ni krupa chey dikra,’he sighed,’baki badhu locha lapsi chey’.
‘Why so sir? I asked, worriedly.’
‘Arrey, things are not as they used to be in laladom.Times having changed; it is no fun being a lala anymore’.
Then, looking at my bewildered expression, he explained

Life of a lala then and now…….
.
Saheb, biwi aur ghulam-Once upon a time this simply meant a rich man with a wife and a loyal slave. Life was fun as lalas would be pampered by both, his patni and his paid servant. Now, alas, life is different. There is a new Saheb in the lala’s life; in fact, there are several. Babu log in Surat are called’saheb’.Day in and night out, Lalas rack their brains on how to find new ways of pleasing the ‘sahebs’, so as to be in their ‘good books.’ As if this was not enough, there is the other major task of keeping the ‘lalarina’ happy and pampered So,24/7 and through the 12 months of the year, a lala has to please both beuarocracy and biwi and needless to say ,within this whole exercise, one can very well guess who the new Ghulam is.

Surti Spidermen-In the days of yore, Lalas were superheroes. The Surti slang ‘chappra kudey’was,as the name suggests, given to adventurous lalas who would literally jump rooftops; within the old walled city of neighbouring homes, to visit their beau, who awaited on the terraces, to spend precious, private moments with their amour’, a la Romeo and Juliet. But the new suburban residences of rich Surtis has ensured ‘love don’t’ live here anymore ‘circumstances. Forget roof top jumping, even a lala farmhouse ,built with much love for their loved ones, is more of the kind of place that others use and all that the lala’s are left doing there is cleaning up the Surti spiders, man!

Roti kapda aur makaan-There was once a time when 8 course ‘Surat nu jaman’ meals were laid out with 3 farsans and 3 desserts and 5 vegetables for lalas to relish the rich man’s Surti meal. Cloth for lala’s shirts came from special shops that sold exclusive fabric. Every time the lala brought land, he was upgraded to being called a ‘zamindar’.Things have changed, eating a Surti meal now means standing at a ‘lahri’ next to common man, besides mangy dogs. Our paanwallahs wear linen shirts to work and owning land now means one is a ‘khedoot’.As if that was not enough, Shahrukh owns part of the Moon now, making piece of land sound passe’.

‘So you see dearie? He sighed as he boarded his swanky new chauffeur driven car,’ I paid for this SUV, but the good fortune to drive it, is Ganpat’s!’
What more can I say, other than,’yeh jeena bhi koi jeena hai lallu, err…lala?

Tapi town tattle-Aeronaughtricks

WHERE SURTIS WALK THEIR TALK………..
Long before Abhishek Bachhan advised the nation to walk the talk, Surtis have been seriously trying to sweat out those last 5 kilos…err make that 15, at tracks around Tapi town suburbs while they talk. With winter setting in, here is the inside info on some of our busy walkways and the buzz within them.

Peace and pace-The serpentine road that leads to Panas village through the agricultural cotton field farm, is one well trodden by denizens who prefer solitude. Since it still is a road less traveled compared to the ones that surround it, walkers can pray and maintain their pace as they prod in peace. Popular with elders who chant their mantras and exchange musings. Walk here to overhear home remedies for minor ailments.

Frangipani fragrance-With a grove of pristine white Frangipani trees, the SwamiVivekanand garden at Jamunanagar has a fair share gathering of walkers from different age groups and all walks of life. This bacchey buddhey aur jawan hotspot has the friendly chatter of children, serenity of its yoga posers and spring in the steps of its serious striders who warm up and stretch out. Child raising issues and maid problems discussed here.

Oasis of joy-Kavi Kalapi garden, opposite the Adajan police station, is what mirages are made of. A huge pond in the centre, surrounded by date Palms with cropped greenery thrown in for good measure, not to mention the cooling Banyan trees that lead to its entrance. Within pyramid like porches, people medidate as a gang of laughter club members have hilarious sessions to de stress. Conversations here mostly begin with ‘kehvano meaning em chey ke’, as one gets free lessons on real estate prices.

Where Seagulls dare-Our bridges over Tapi are popular twilight zones for people who love to stroll facing the blissful breeze pre Sunrise and post Sunset. A feel good, promising beginning and end to the day, where migrating birds flap around the river that runs to meet the Arabian Sea. Serious ‘only lonely’ walkers stride the pavements, communicating on their cell phones about the day’s business, stocks and shares.

Socks/Saas and the city-The happening place to walk and know what’s on in town, catch up on episodes of missed serials, learn new recipes, gain weight loss tips, and know about babu log’s babudom.Jogger’s park opposite Green Avenue,off Ghodod,is extremely popular on the chatterbox front. Pace and phrase go hand in hand at this walkway .A place where Surtis see and be seen in their sporty best.

Gazing and grazing-Opposite Sahaj super store stands the Swami Vivekananda Udyaan.With SMC’s, best but out of use swimming pool on one side and a casual cricket ground on the other. This palm lined park is abuzz with Bengali and bilingual buzz.Middleaged men gaze out at young tarangs to crown flavour of the month garden queens, while overgrown grass is made useful as cattle graze.

Jungle mein mangal-The biggie.With roads stretching out non stop to 2.5 kms in circumference, the SVNIT campus offers an eco friendly ambience for Surtis who have been walking and talking over the past 20 years and more. Flora, fauna and fountains surround the roads within. Fireflies dance to the tunes of frogs, peacock and peahens coo out with koels.More than 6000 listed striders, jam packed parking space proof enough of its popularity. Visit to eavesdrop on student soirees and businessmen’s banter.

Tapi town tattle-Namono show turns Namo, no show.

H1N1 FLU OVER THE CM’S NEST………
The honorable CM easily is one of the most famous people in India to have contracted the flu that has made pigs unpopular the world over. The internet administrator has been having a tough time coping with reader mails who are suggesting how Mr.Modi should cope with the same.

But,’ There is nothing to fear’ our CM announced as usual. Remember, he said the same line, surrounded by his efficient Z category security, post the discovery of 29 fizzled out bombs in Surat.
Our respectable CM is nursing back to good health with the best wishes and prayers ,here are a few suggestions for a workaholic like him; to help him while his convalescent time. Nothing stressful we wouldn’t want that now would we, just 7 different ways to spend the 7 days.

1. Karma chameleon-First and foremost, since he dresses to the occasion, he could design a few swine flu masks [in khadi of course] to go with his future outfits. Who knows, they might be patented by his fan club soon.

2. Net working-Update his multilingual blog [5 languages] and Twit more, a la Amitabh.Bachhan and Tharoor, so that people can have a first person account of his innermost feelings.

3. Ban no more-Finish reading the rest of Jinnah and know what not to write in his own, book in future.

4. Diamonds are forever,post from Russia with love-Understand Surti heeraghasuo ni vyatha better by watching ‘Havey marey heera nathi ghasva.’

5.International Khiladi- Prepare his speech for Patel samaj summit 2010, in the U.S.A, err……..also prepare for visa interview.

6. Fine tuning-Brush up his pied piper skills and tunes to gather new ardent followers.Since the youth love and understand the power of music.

7.Hello,is it me you're looking for?-Make all those important phone calls to friends, relatives and people that he always meant to get back to but could not due to his busy schedules.

Here is wishing a speedy recovery to the man whose rain check has given him the most precious thing that he could not afford-Time.

TEXTILE TOWN’S TEA TIME TREATS………..
Post the official Diwali annual break, laladom is back to doing what it does best.
Textile market is buzzing with business deals over betel nut chewing mouths that are yapping away nonstop about the due stocks [maal in Surti] and payments.
This week will easily be one of the most entertaining as traders will describe their holiday trips and tours and how their better halves got the better of them while shopping.
Post Diwali is the time when Mahabaleshwar turns to Chowk Bazaar, Lonavala to Bhagal char Rasta and Kulu Manali to City light. Over frothy ‘timtim’minty masala tea, from Shiv Shakti, a must have in the textile market area, chikki and channa from trips will be shared along with the chatter.
The spiciest dry, masala channa, by the way are actually sold right on the roadside of Salasar road itself, along with roasted peanuts and other munchies.Mid afternoon will call for shared meals with whiffs of Sindhi, Punjabi and Gujarati cuisine that comes in from homes, carried by the onerous Udiya maali men, the Surti dabbawalas who job hop as gardeners otherwise.
As varied as the traders of Tapi town’s textile market, is the cuisine available in and around it which is relished by visitors as a ‘specialty’ and also by Lalas who want a change from routine homemade food.
The most popular pick is the’ Pehlwan ke Choley Bhaturey’, an authentic Amritsari taste of deep fried plain flour bhatureys with an inner lining of paneer crumbs and coriander packed in a brown paper bag, spicy, ginger rich kabuli channas that are cooked to perfection, rich in oil and Indian spices in a black pepper rich avtaar, served with the most mouthwatering carrot pickle and fried green chilies ‘and thinly sliced onions. Highly addictive, in spite of being the kind of meal, that needs an afternoon siesta to digest the gastronomic delight.
Tea time treats include the Syndicate samosas-Surti receipe of gram dal sautéed in ginger chilli paste along with chopped onions and rolled with pattis to form tiny savoury triangles that tempt and tease the taste buds. Freshly fried, these hot delights make it difficult to stop at one. Also available here is the ‘aloopuri’ the bataka ni puri or bhajiyas of sliced potatoes popped in besan , to be devoured with a raw lip smacking ,curry leaf tempered gram flour chutney that looks like kadhi but is denser and spicier.
The other popular option consists of South Indian cuisine, while most market canteens have the regular fare, Shetty and Gayatri that run kiosks by the roadside, are popular for Mysore masala dosas and Poha samosas and medu wadas served with coconut chutney the flavour of which turns an otherwise bland delicacy into a firebrand one.
Whatever the need of the taste buds or budget, within the busy Surti streets of the textile market, there is something to suit everyone .Both Maaliks and mazdoors relish these tastes of Tapi town’s kiosks that from today will be as busy and buzzing as the business offices that surround them.
Tapi town tattle-New year re-solutions.

DIWALI’S DAZZLING RAZZMATAZZ
As we close down on the countdown to Diwali, traditional meals will be set out in Surti homes to be relished with relatives and friends. While most Surti homes will have fixed meals as per festival of the day, here are some themes that you may add on, to make your festive feasts more fun.
Dhanteras-Diyas and Dhuns-As multi coloured rangolis and the glow from earthen lamps light up your abode, set out the table with floral rangolis with bhajans in the background to set the pious mood of this day.Coulourful flowers can be sourced from shops outside temples around town for an array of aromatic splendor, a perfect welcome to Goddess of wealth. Copperware can be used to serve-Kansar to be relished with sugar powder and ghee as a good omen, along with patra-stuffed aloccacia leaves, gourd and gram vegetable and Gujarati dal with rice.
Kalichaudus-Kajra and Quwalli-The night where kajal is made from lamps, calls for a kajrare gajrare night, get strings of fragrant mogra flowers for guests to wrap around their wrists and a surmadani at the entrance. Play recorded quawallis and lose your soul to the soulful rendering of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and Abida Parveen as they lend nasal nuance to Amir Khusro.Karoake along with the maestros. Though tradition calls for a meal of Doodhpak, puri, Juwar wada, Kadhi-rice moli dal and stuffed aubergines with jacket potatoes, this is one night that tikkas and tandooris are savoured.
Diwali-Genda phool and Ghazals-The most important day of the Hindu calendar is meant to be celebrated in the traditional way. As marigolds add wealth to the decor, just the right time for Jagjit Chitra and Farida Khanum take you through a nostalgic journey of memories as you share gifts and game of cards with friends. Use khakhar pan and dadiyas to serve sheero puri batatavada.Set the table with a bright and kitschy organza runner or braided chattai mats. Keep a special menu and array of kiddy meals ready for the young guns. Go slow on the cracker front but has a blast bonding with family.
Bestu Varsh-Silverware and Symphony-Go ahead and use the fancy polished silverware and goblets that are otherwise stored away. As visitors do the rounds greeting saalmubarak, let Beethovan, Chopin and Mozart’s serene symphonies grace the occasion as a backdrop.Lapsi, kela methi bhajiyas, flower vatana and dal rice will be prepared in most Gujarati homes. Make a mixed mithai- chocolate platter to serve the eager guests. Line the drawing room with jasmine during the daytime to enhance the enchantment.
Bhai beej-Crystal and Classical-Bring out the rare crystal collection to lay out Undhiyu, ghooghras, basudi mungdal, kadhi and tuver vatana and turiyapatra. Play Hindustani classical instrumental or vocal. Let sitars, tablas and saarangis lend their wealth to the richness of your relationships. Add desi rose petals to white karoti rangolis.Plan the holidays ahead as you breathe in inscense sticks that atomize the air post the cracker corruption.
Tapi town tattle-Glow and growth.Saal Mubarak.

SURTIS SWOON UNDER PADVA MOON...................
Post the rare, dual Aso Sud Poonam and soft sultry surprise rain shower, Chandi Padva has officially commenced. Now that we are loaded with our custom made Ghari and swadisht Bhusu; it’s going to be ‘Ghari on the go’ time for Tapi town tonight.
Here are some popular places where Surtis swoon under the spell of the Chandi Padva Moon, with an added new twist to enjoy the same.
Tere mere beach mein-Dumas, the ditch by the Arabian Sea is where the romantic junta will be headed. With, ‘Chalo dildaar chalo chand ke paar chalo’ as the theme in mind, looking out at the receding waters, that are swallowed by the dark of the night. You could play ‘truth or dare’ with your gang and have a heart to heart about your fortes and drawbacks, like the Farah Khan show. [P.S-be careful not to turn it into Sach ka saamna].
Senior citizens zindabad!-Those who are not in the mood or health to venture out, can meet on their terraces and organize Antakshari.To be strictly played in original, non remix style, with simple singing and without annoying loud music. After all, what else can ever beat the magical charm of,’Tujhe Chand ke bahaney dekhu, tu chatt per aaja goriye’ and ‘Dum bhar jo udhar muh pherey, O Chanda’.
Gul Gulshan Gulfaam-Happy families will gather in gardens around town to picnic and play games together. Family bonding will grow strong while playing ’Ubhi kho’, dumb charades and night cricket which are most popular with large gangs.While the Kid brigade will enjoy strolling and storytelling sessions of’Chandamama dur ke ,pudey pakaye dudh kay’,’chandamama mere paas aana’ under the moonlit skies.
Surti sightseeing-Sheri dwellers will be lining up on the sides of suburban streets right from Chowpatty to Piplod through Airport road till Bhimpore. With wishful wanting of,’Chanda re chanda re kabhi toh zameen per aa, baithengay baatey kareingay.’ There are numerous new mean machines that have rolled into town that will be a sight for sore Surti eyes. We have A6, A4, Audis, BMW’s X-5 SUV, 3 and 7 series Sedan and Gujarat’s only XF Jaguar that put on a grand road show.
Farmhouse fantasy-The rich but not yet famous will party the night away under the ‘khoya khoya chand khula aasma, aankhon mein saari raat jayegi, tum ko bhi kaise neend ayegi’ theme. Not much Ghari will be eaten [the rich don’t eat at parties, silly, its passé’.]But a lot of business will go on .Subtle ‘aankh micholi’ will be exchanged and silent ‘chand mera dil, chaandni ho tum’will linger in the air. These farms will also be the only places in Surat where Ghari will be eaten in three different ways.
1. Chilled and chopped with the ghee layer severed off.
2. Microwaved and melted till the fat liquidates
3. Relished in its normal form at room temperature.
Devour this Surti delight just as you please, tonight.
Tapi town tattle-Joy of giving = Joy of living.

CHANDI PADVO-SURTI GHARI STORY...........
‘Sharad Purnima ‘is considered the brightest, coolest full moon night of the Hindu calendar year. Folk lore goes that on this Poonam, Lord Krishna performed ras- leela through the entire night with thousands of gopis in his ek-anek avatar. Garba revellers too, give it a go, for one last time, in all their colourful splendour.
Many Gujaratis observe a fast which is later broken by consuming ‘doodh-poha’ (offered as the first rice harvest to God) and galka bhajiyas served piping hot, on terraces.
On the next day, falls ‘chandi padvo’; celebrated with feasting, in Surat. Night picnics are organised at Dumas, farmhouses and sheris. Surtis reportedly consume and export more than 100 tons of ghari. Relished with bhusu-a namkeen mixture, ghari is distributed amongst family and friends .Packaged plastic boxes are sent country wide and to N.R.I s.Although this Surti speciality is in demand through the year, Surtis relish it only during the chandi padva day.
The trend is believed to have started in the 17th century. A Chauta bazaar sweetmeat shop owner, whose business had seen better days, went to the akhada of Nirvaan baba at Nawab ni wadi, Begumpura on Sharad Poornima, to seek blessings and luck for better business. Baba appeared in his dream and asked him to prepare a sweetmeat that looked like a full moon and offer it to please the Gods, on the next day. Thus,’Ghari’ is covered with ghee to look like the moon and relished on chandi padva.
Gharis are made with mawa, bits of almonds, pistachios, charoli, cardamom and some blend it with kesar. This mixture is cooked, cooled and rolled into a palm sized ball, then enveloped in a thin layer of kneaded plain flour, deep fried in ghee and later set in a layer of the same. Sold commercially, at most of Surat’s mithai shops, It is also popularly prepared to order in old city homes and ‘nyaath ni wadis ‘by communities who prefer the authentic pure version without additives like semolina and gram flour.
88 year old Surti, Leelaben Parekh’s eyes light up when she talks about her first experience of having a ghari’,’In the 1900’s,a Saurashtrian who worked for the royals of Junagadh, Dev Shankar Ghariwala,shifted to and set up shop in Surat. He sold gharis at 50 paise per piece, from Lalgate and also at the kerb of Bhagal below the Masjid. Nothing available these days tastes as good as that velvety delight. He used to add coconut milk, hand pounded in wooden mortar pestles to bind the flour. His ghari would have a thick layer of ghee that fingers would plunge into. It was packed in cane baskets lined with khakhar paans and tied with a sutli dori,’
More than 70,000 kilos of Ghari at an average price of around Rs.300 per kg will be sold on a single day in Surat this year .The divine constellation of Manekthari Poonam will be seen worldwide, but will be celebrated back to back only by ‘khai-pi ney jalsa’ loving Surtis.

SHARE MARKET’S SURTI SHER.....................
Mumbai’s most beautiful landmark,Rajabai clock tower at Bombay University ,has as its backdrop the BSE –Bombay Stock Exchange .Interestingly, the foundations of both these are linked to a Surti-Premchand Raichand. Known as the Napoleon of the share market to some, Cotton King and Bullion King to others. The clock tower is named after his mother, it is believed he got it constructed so that by its chimes, his blind mother,a staunch Jain, could keep a track of dinner time.

In the 1830’s, share trading in Mumbai began under the Banyan tree, that still stands opposite the town hall at Horniman Circle Park, then known as Cotton Green. Trade then, was that of bank shares and commodities like cotton. Surti Jain Premchand Raichand is recorded as the first Indian broker to speak, read and write English.

During the civil war, America, England Lancashire’s main supplier of cotton cut off the same, due to which the demand for cotton from the fields of Gujarat and Maharashtra soared. Premchand who had strong contacts all over Gujarat greatly benefitted from this turn of events. But while cotton and opium trade brought him wealth, his thirst for more fame and fortune led him into what was called ‘share mania ‘of the 1800’s.

The Times Of India on 6th January,1865,commented on the share market mania,’ if the man on the Moon obtained the names of two or three distinguished capitalists in Bombay, he could start a scheme which would enable him with a crore’ the next day’.Premchand was called,’ largest speculator on the island.’

In their book ‘the shaping of modern Gujarat’, Achyut Yagnik and Suchitra Sheth state how,’ in 1860, along with other share brokers, Premchand Raichand artificially inflated prices of the Commercial and Mercantile Bank and made a fortune. Englishmen and prominent traders soon came to seek his advice and he began to set up and float several new companies and banks. He set up the Reclamation project near Colaba and Walkeshwar through which he made more money and also helped others set up companies albeit always leaving his name out so as to avoid future trouble. There is no option but to acknowledge that this Surti who intoxicated by speculation, ruined not only himself but countless others too, was indeed a courageous entrepreneur’

Once, he made a single payment of Rs.11.5 crore which is equivalent to Rs. 1000.crores today. Living in the lap of luxury, his Midas touch and spoken word became the rule for his followers, turning mere scrip of paper into instant wealth, the minute he attached his name to the share of the company.

Fondly remembered as a great philanthropist, he donated generously for education and hospitals in Bombay, Calcutta, Ahmedabad, Surat and Bharuch.

The share market crashed in 1866, reason being that the American cotton supply got re established and Premchand filed for bankruptcy. The then prevailing laws were unable to hold ground against him and he could therefore, not be held accountable, legally.

Unlike Big Bulls Harshad Mehta and Raju of Satyam, whose lives and times are now going to be made into movies depicting fraud, this famous Surti was one king of the share market who had his game, played it too and got away with it. Fondly remembered for his philantrophy, not fraud.
Tapi town tattle-Kirsten commandments.

MIDNIGHT MEALS FOR RAAS REVELLERS...................
With loudspeakers and lahriwalas now allowed to operate till Cinderella timing, Surat offers various options for what Gujaratis call,’nishachars’. There is something to suit every palate preference-
Dhokla dreams-For Surtis who love these semi sour spongy delights, an array of flavours and natural colours with fresh fenugreek, turmeric, lentils, corn, are dished out, steaming hot, at Raja food court on Ghodod road. Gritty textured Handvo with grated gourd, green tuver and freshly crushed spicy green chutney, along with other tongue tickling tasty treats like Bhel and Pani Puri, sev papdi and chaat for the adventurous minded. For more filling food, you may want to visit mini counters serving Rajwadi khichdi-kadhi, rotla and stuffed aubergines with wet garlic chutney. This modern day Khau gali also doles out interesting desserts like ice dish-a fancier version of the good old gola, topped with rabdi and dry fruit as well as creamy sancha ice cream delights.
Murgh mashallah-Non vegetarians can make a beeline for the by lane of Sagar restaurant at Chowk, other than Sagar’s popular Biryani boti hot pots, a tiny kiosk at a stone’s throw from there ,known as Raja chicken centre, offers freshly roasted , marinated birds. Charcoal grilled only to order, their meat retains its melt in the mouth quality unlike other chewy tangdis.The butter mari flavoured one is a lip smacking must have .Smoky savouries, tender tikkas can be relished as you await your order to be delivered. You could pick up a crisp naan from Sagar to make a kathi roll with kebabs from here. If appetite allows, one could also opt for the dum cooked, lightly spiced but rich in gluten flavour Raan.
Coffee ‘n’ crunchies-Now, with easy access off the lobby at The Gateway, the T3 lounge defies subtle 5 star boredom with its multi coloured ambience and offerings. Blueberry cheesecakes, scrumptious grilled feta cheese sandwiches, exotic multigrain Medeterrian fare and delicately flavoured teas as well as robust, single origin coffee, not to mention brownie cafe delights have been priced light, on round the clock menu for exhausted feet to come refresh and relax in cool comfort.
Ande ka funda-If eggs are what are on your mind, there can be no other place than Khau gali to whet your wanting. This age old favourite Surti street, where man and mangy dog alike eat away to heart’s content and beyond, concocts ‘Eggsquisite’ egg recepies prepared on stove heated tavaas. Made to order in butter or oil, it takes the good old baida to a different level altogether .Twin spatulas expertly handle delicious delicacies topped with signature Surti lilu lasan combined with tingly green chilli paste .From the regular kheema to rare boil fry, Surti slang special ‘ghotalo’ to exotic cheesy Austrian fry,all eggcellent!
Hindi Chinee bhai bhai-The new Food Express at Surat railway station operates 24/7 and has endless options for vegetarian foodies in search ‘Chindian’noodles, Manchurian and fried rice as well as masaledar Indian cuisine -Pav bhaji, Chole bhature and Moti dum biryani. Machine made ice-cream to beat the heat also available.

SWINE CAUTIOUS, YES, BUT BEE PROOF?
The carnival of nine nights this year promises to be more culture rich and colourful than ever before. With International delegates participating, our Sultans of swing are extremely excited to sway.Gujarati garba will be going global in a graceful new way.
In mythology, the credit for promoting garba goes to Usha, the great granddaughter –in –law of Krishna. Vedas state that earlier known as ‘Lasya Nritya’, the word Garba comes from ‘garbhdeep’, lamp within earthen pot. In the olden days, Gujaratis would gather at temples of Ma Jagdamba and perform traditional garbas around perforated matlis within which silver coins, betel leaves and a little water would add to the glory of the pious lamp ,’Pawan sapata khai toey Maa no garbo ghumto jaay.’The idea was to protect the lamp within, come what may.
Prachin garbas were sung in praise of the Goddesses’ often inviting them to come play with mortals,’Amba aavo to ramiye, Maa maney ramta nahi avde’ at times devotional, at times playful, they built a friendly rapport between devis and devotees. Arvachin ones had fun filled, flirty lyrics like,’Odhani odhu toh udi udi jaay.’
As generations progressed, a dramatic change has developed in the way this tradition is carried on as well as the social messages that lie hidden in its songs.
Early eighties rang with Babla’s disco dandiya ‘tinak dhin na’jhankaar beats, we now do dodhiyu on ‘Dhan ten nen!’.
The late Maniraj Barot of ‘Sanedo sanedo humjo lal sanedo’, created history when he penned and performed the popular number that causes footwork frenzy amongst revellers; now, modern day poet Dr.Mukul Choksi has penned ‘shiyaley shardi bhali, unaley mardo, chomasey malaria bhalo, pun swine flu baarey maasey, lal lal sanedo.’
Queen of garba pop, Falguni Pathak’s masti filled music’ Chudi Jo khanki haatho mein ‘scores with the youngsters because it talks about love in the days of dandiya.
Navratri nowadays, is a different ball game altogether. This year, while hip hop and bhangra steps have been added to basic traditional steps, a fusion of foreign steps with techno trance can well be expected, the Macarena with its jiggy wiggy is going to mingle with the, ‘put your right hand in, put your right hand out and shake it all about’ routine.
Celebrating the carnival gets more challenging for youngsters with each passing year. These days of legal dating are now tracked via spy phones, terrorised by thoughts of swine flu and tormented by temptation of falling prey to the ‘HIV bhawran ‘that their idol Shahid warns about. With pills offering instant remedies to ‘pyar ke side effects’, promoting better to play safe than sorry, it’s easy to snuff out life in the womb within 72 hours but whats the point if HIV could knock one out within the next 72 months?
With minister for women’s welfare Anandiben Patel having stated the fact that the number of abortions rise a couple of months after Navratri and statistics proving just how fast contraceptives fly off the counters during these days, about time, we talked to our young guns about birds and bees and STDs, instead of shying away from clear and present danger.

DREAM DATING DURING DANDIYA.............
Statistics show that in Gujarat, more people become a couple during Navratri than they do through any matrimonial institution, column or website. Everyone seems to be looking for someone during dandiyas, never mind if they already have someone by their side. Soul searching Surtis seem to be seeking the date of their dreams, their desires camouflaged by the colourful view.
Here is a sneak peek from last night, at Pandit Dindayal Indoor Stadium, where wishful matchmaking was on, in full swing, within and without the swirling circles-
Arty, kohl lined eyed boho chic; a Shanivari bazaar binger, looking for Kurta clad, college G.S.material types. Preferably with a stubble and knowledge of strumming the guitar to the tunes of Jimi Hendrix.
Rich lecherous Pandesara businessman, in printed polyester shirt that miserably failed to cover beer belly seeking a no strings attached [relationship, not blouse, silly!], pretty young thing; age no bar caste no bar, to help him get back ‘baugo mein bahaar hain ‘days, baar baar.
An elegant, strong minded, lonely divorced diva, Isckon mall shopaholic with great taste; loves men in uniform, err....barring the security agencies, of course. Searching for a well heeled boy who knows when and how to heel.
Old fashioned Surti Sheri garba lover; with vocabulary that could put the Aussies to shame and a degree in nose wax moulding, longing to get the number of English speaking modern girl, who can carry western outfits with as much as ease as she can make Gobi Manchurian.
Attractive, nimble footed, prize winner material, pretty gal. Well versed in Indian culture, sharp tongued, hoping to meet some rich, foolish, and good looking heir, with independent residence at Piplod area or a Dumas farmhouse.
Cute, Convent educated cheerleader type with pierced nose, crazy about fancy mobiles and fast bikes looking out for handsome gadget geek with accurate knowledge of PSP and Game boy, sporting long hair and lean looks. Sportsmen would be given extra preference.
Pasta fed, Burger king boy .With a passion for pets and daddy's fast cars flirting with the mousy looking ,freckle faced, intellectual girl with small waist, short hair and a penchant for ‘kaki ni pao bhaji and Binayak sandwiches’.
Cheeky grin dimpled cheeked, naughty eyed child woman, dreaming of finding a sensitive, well read gentleman. Should be able to quote Urdu poetry and appreciate the rains anytime of the year. Extra points if he has the finesse of Mr. Big, of Sex and the city fame.
Nattily dressed middle aged N.R.I, once married, now shy, man of few words but intense intentions, soon to launch new export label, shamelessly staring at voluptuous social butterfly.
Long haired Indian beauty, dressed in ethnic elegance. Bare back, barer arms, homemaker and yummy mummy, hoping the stud in tight tee and spiked hair will give her a second look on his way back from the coffee counter.
And just like that, within the suburban social circle, everyone who is someone in Tapi town was looking out for ‘the one’.
Tapi town tattle –Twitter jitter.

GEARING UP GARBA GEAR...............
The Central government might be pushing and promoting austerity to its babus and neta log in these times of recession and recessed rainfall; but Surtis are in no mood for cost cutting this festive season. With Navratri just a hop, skip and jump away, fashionistas of Tapi town are getting set to wow the watchers with their custom made savoir- faire.
In case you’ve been a fuddy duddy and out of touch with what’s in vogue, read on to enhance your panache this Navratri
Bandwagon Brigade-For groups that dance in set dress codes through the nine nights of revelry, there is just one Goddess for garba gear-Ketkiben at Maniyara sheri.T.V. and Cinema inspired fashion with the experienced expertise on colour combination, intricate thread work; figure hugging, peek-a-boo, fit as glove cholis are created in her workshop. Embroidered in Katargam, styled and finished within walls of her home. Her knack of throwing together, antique Kutchi patches, mirror spangles and fabrics in a riot of colours; in the most haphazard way, results in eye-catching masterpieces. The swirl of the ghaghras she creates is unbeatable because of the way she panels them. This year, the stress is on using various ethnic laces and combining them together in contrast colours. Visit only if you are prepared for sleepless nights of patient waiting because this disorganised genius delivers goodies only at the nth hour.
Suburban Senoritas-Surat’s bold trendsetter Sangeeta Choksi, popular with ParlePoint homemakers and mentor of ‘what’s new this season Surtis’, has designed collared shirts with vegetable prints as cholis and chaniyas to match with work highlighted in sparkling sequins. Fusion wear is her forte. For halter necks, spaghetti straps and stringy cholis, she provides an in built, gravity defying, system. Frilly, overlapping skirts with matching tunics to please young tarangs and ensembles of elegant Jamewar patches for the elite elders form some of the styles that she has patterned in her signature style. Lightweight and semi transparent odhnis that add a delicate touch to heavy costumes is one of her innovative ideas.
Adajan’s Ethnics-New kid on the block, Sarla Soni near Prime Arcade, sources jewellery and ethnic embroidered patches from Kutch, Ahmedabad and Rajasthan. Bajubands, Anklets, Kandoras and maang tikkas set in coloured stones as well as modern ghaghra- cholis in net, with embroidered leggings; lehriyu skirts with stiff khadi linings and a vast variety of multicoloured chiffon and georgette odhnis are set to create the new wrinkle effect in short length. She mostly designs to rent out her creations to the student crowd who cannot afford to splurge on a new outfit every year, custom made clothing in typical Gamthi style, is also an option available here.
The readymade chaniyacholi, kediyas and kurta sets available in the market, are just not good enough for Surtis. Cloth torans and parrots, beaded strings, crochet lace, cowries and coloured stones, metal accessories etc. are used by garba revellers to spruce up their gear and stand out in the competitive crowd.
Tapi town tattle Ishrat’s intequaam, political post-mortem.

SAPUTARA: GUJARAT’S WET AND WILD GETAWAY.....
Nestled within the mist kissed mountains of Sahyadri, is the state’s lone hill station, Saputara. Perched at an altitude 875 metres above sea level, this plateau within the Western Ghats is well worth a visit in all its monsoon glory.
The ghats that lead to what is known as ‘ poor man’s Switzerland’, offers as good a view as that from a TGV.Dang’s dense, deciduous forests form a natural canopy as the road zig zags over the gently flowing Ambika River. Folk lore goes that Lord Rama spent 11 years in exile in these very forests. Monsoon’s magic helps create scores of tiny waterfalls in the rocky, black soil terrain that mingle into the moss covered marshes.
Devoid of any colonial structures or commercial mall road, Saputara is small enough to be covered in a day, yet, offers all the essentials of a hill station. One could take a paddle boat ride in the lake by the central park and later walk the expanse of the Governors’ hill to embark on a ropeway trip, a kilometre long cable car ride that provides a picture postcard perfect view of this hill resort.
At walking distance is Gandhi Shikhar, the Sunset point, flocked by visitors to see the surrounding tribal villages bask in a warm golden glow as a blanket of stars slowly covers the sky. The rose garden, step garden are well maintained and the museum that houses traditional tribal artefacts also offers a workshop on the same. The Sunrise or valley view point serves the purpose spectacularly with an added view of the adjacent Malegaon. The forest log cabin here is a wooded wonder.
While berries, nagli roti, fresh honey and bamboo pickle are local must haves, tourists also cross over the 4 km.border into the state of Maharashtra for a slice of Konkani cuisine that can be washed down with an alcoholic drink. Gamanlal Kapadia, who makes it a point to visit Saputara every year points out that,’ No other hill station in India offers this kind of simple, natural beauty.’ He smiles as he adds, ’It helps that Maharashtra is a stone’s throw, for travellers who complaint about the dry state.’
The trekking trails of Saputara offer mild to rough challanges; one can further enrich the experience of walking the wild side by seeking permission to visit the Vansda National Park, previously the property of Vansda’s Maharaja. An enthralling forest experience; tall teak trees, mango groves and gigantic creepers are decorated with several species of orchids and wild mushrooms. Dense due to the 2200 -2500mm rainfall it receives, this region of Dang is home to endangered species of Leopards, Pythons, four horned Antelopes, Pangolin, Rusty-spotted cat, Civet, Barking deer, Giant squirrel, Hyenas, 115 winged species like Great Black woodpecker, Malabar Trogan, Grey Hornbill, Emerald Dove, Paradise flycatcher, Sunbirds make it a bird watchers delight and Leaf insects, snails, centipedes, millipedes trudge along the trails.
Also located in the Dangs is the Purna Sanctuary, where one horned Rhinoceros, wild bulls, sloth bears and elephants resided;during the past,Mughal period. The thick bamboo forests here form an organic network of beautiful green tunnels with species such as Chinese, Golden and Beer bottle;The Chopada Badaro,Safed sissar and Sissio are amongst the other tree species preserved here. Laced with the Purna and Gira rivers it is inhibited by a number of tribes like the Bhils, Gamits, Warlis, and Dangis. Their acrobatic folk dances on the beats of traditional instruments like the pavry and drums are very popular.
Further on, the clearing at Gira falls, provides an ideal picnic spot. Gushing down from a height of 75 feet, the waterfall creates silvery cobwebs of fog from which a rainbow often shines through.
Though the forest department has constructed a road right upto the waterfall, environmentalists feel that the beauty of nature should not be tampered with. Snehal Patel, President of Nature Club, Surat says,’ So far, the Dang belt has been clean, green and pollution free but it is fast deteriorating. We must see to it that concerned authorities act fast and ban plastic and disposable goods, make this area vehicle free so tourist may enjoy walking, keep it free from noise pollution of loudspeakers so that one may enjoy the natural bird calls. Make gas cylinders available to local hotels so that they do not deplete wood by using it for cooking and heating water.’
At a distance of 420 kms from Ahmedabad, Saputara, 'the abode of snakes' offers a serene, wet and wild experience to lovers of Nature.

BOOTLEGGING AND BOOKLEGGING..............
Now that Gin, Jinnah and Johnny walker have been banned from striding into Gujarat, the prohibition act will need fresh amendments. It’s not Fanaa....err funny.

If Union minister for micro enterprises in the state-Dinsha Patel is accusing Modi of trying to gain ‘cheap publicity’ by banning book only in Gujarat and that Sardar being a national hero, it should be banned in the entire country, then, isn’t Bapu also the father of the nation? We really need to rethink our booze book prohibition acts.

Jaswantji is now getting back by singing Faiz Ahmed Faiz’s,’Mujhse pehli si mohobbat mere mehboob na maang, maine samjha tha ke tu hai toh darakshaan hai hayat, tera gham hai toh gham-e- dahr ka jhagda kyaa hai..... to Advaniji, looks like the lotus is in for a mucky mudslinging session ahead.

Meanwhile, Surtis are excited by this new prohibition. Shady stories are doing the rounds as to how book legging will be the next big business in Gujarat. With the Mallya impressed desi king of gud times, Dagri now absconding, a new breed of entrpeuners may arise.

Saturday evening, I got a hush hush sms from a very rich and very spoilt friend of mine. It read’U R invited to a Surti smuggling- Pirates of the Arabian party, B there or B square!’Luckily, it had no eye patch dress code mentioned and so I decided to give it a shot.

The previous ‘pirates of the Arabian’ that Surat has ever experienced was in the 17th century, when Captain Thomas Best defeated the Portuguese at the battle of Swally [now Suvali] and thus was born the Indian navy, formerly known as The Honourable East India Company’s Marine.

Our government still follows a futile custom of keeping the excise and customs officers on a special night duty to watch out for smugglers who might enter through the silted Tapi river, whats more, it even pays the officers involved overtime.So,I was wondering what the theme in question was about...
Upon reaching the party, I was pleasantly surprised by the invitees. Instead of the usual snooty socialites, were serious looking gentlemen sitting in a semi circle, involved in deep conversation.
Harish Upadhiwala, the well known lawyer [now on strike] stated, ‘This is a very serious matter, you may read it online, get it couriered via an N.R.I, get it faxed by a friend from Mumbai ,have it read out by your relative in Delhi, but if you are caught, you will be in jail.

Munnabhai MBBS fumed,’Bapu ne kaha tha ,independant raho,a phir bhi ye Gujaratwalo ko booze aur books dono ke liye dusre sheher pe dependant rehna padta hai! Abhi Sardar Patelji kaun they malum pada.Bole toh picture bananeyka.

Raman Batlo smirked,’ema hun! Chopri ni upar batli, batli ni upar chopri .santadiney lavani.’
Upon which my friend said,’ Forget it guys; I have decided to just call the honourable C.M., to lend me his copy, which he read and decided to ban the book.

Tapi town tattle-Pokhran -2 =sursuriyu?

Dearest lokladila SRK,
Kem cho bhai? My maiden surname is Patel, naam toh suna hoga? Man!!! We are samdukhias!!! Did you know that what you have recently gone through at Newark is something we all go through? So sad, that the immigrant officers did not know the ‘Baazigar’ that you are and that all of India is your ‘Deewana’ .Imagine!! even after we welcomed Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt with a ‘Dil aashna hai’attitude,they thought you were some kind of ‘Don’ or ‘Duplicate’; but I am so happy you braved it like a true ‘Fauji’ and did not show the slightest’Darr’.
Going to ‘Pardes ‘has become a pain for us too but kya karey,’ Dil toh pagal hai.’like you said, it’s the N.R.I.s ki,’ Mohabbatein ‘that takes us there.’ Ram jaaney’ what will be the ‘Anjaam’ of this incident which is now a big political ’Paheli’.
The ‘Trimurti’ gang is saying this was a mere publicity stunt, that you are doing some ’One two ka four ‘to show your ‘Shakti-the power’, Salman bhai is saying that its nothing new, they keep doing this with every ’Karan Arjun’ and’ Billu’! Well, what to do, life is a big ‘Circus’ and it has ‘Kabhi khushi kabhi ghum.’
In spite of the fact that we dress up like ‘Raju ban gaya gentleman’ when we travel,’Phir bhi dil hai Hindustani’, so we carry our thepla, ghooghra and chakris and get into trouble.
First, they used to call us dot heads because of our bindis, but after Madonna showed the ‘English babu, desi mem ‘look; now they don’t.
Don’t they realise humko bhi,’ Kuch kuch hota hai’ and we want to ‘Chak de’ when they ask us stupid questions like ‘do u know anybody here? I always reply,’Kabhi haan kabhi naa’.
Last year we went for a ‘Dilwaley dulhaniya ley jayengay’ceremony but they turned the groom into a ‘Devdas’ by saying ‘your passport says your name is Jignesh but you are saying its Jignace!!!’’Hey Ram’! What to do?
Am ‘Dil se ‘saying ‘King Uncle’, only a ‘Chamatkar ‘can make them understand’Oh darling yeh hai India!’ view point.
Can you say ‘Main hoon na’ and convince them that ‘Hum tumhare hain sanam’? Like you succeeded in crossing borders in ‘Veer Zara’.
The Kolasana Patel samaj, in Dallas, has held a havan for ‘Om shanti Om’on the matter and has requested you to ‘Kabhi alvida na kehna’ because of this incident, even though you have returned to ‘Swades’ and are saying you do not feel like stepping on U.S. soil again. We love your ‘Josh ‘and ‘Har dil jo pyar kareyga ‘attitude.
’Chalte chalte’, we only wish to say since you are the ‘Badshah’ of your business, and Fox Star will not have any trouble distributing ‘My name is Khan’ in the U.S.A now, will you be our ‘Saathiya’, and plan a sequel, ‘My name is Patel’, it would surely be a ‘Rab ne bana di jodi’match to make our trips easier.

FLU INFLUENCED MASK APPEAL.....
All the characters in the following article are real and bear every resemblance to who you think they are.

Last weekend, I was invited to a strange gathering. The self appointed, down the road dress designers of Tapi town had held an urgent meeting. The P.S. read,’ since you never pay us any attention, make sure you attend because this is a very serious social matter. ‘

As Swine flu had made sure I drop my travel plans, I had nothing better to do. Letting curiosity get the better of me, I braved the fashion meet.

Three of Surat’s popular tailors Ms.Metoo Kumar, Ms.Neata Khulla and Mr.Fahid Kapoor, had got together to make the Surtis aware of the dangers of swine flu. The purpose of the meet was to promote ‘designer masks’ and thus encourage the junta to take precautions against the same. Here are their presentations-

Ms.Metoo Kumar-Ladies and gentlemen, putting aside all my important orders and assignments, I have decided to contribute my precious time towards making designer masks for our fashion conscious crowd. Keeping in my mind the upcoming Navratri season, here is my line of masks-I have used bandhni, cowries, mirror spangles and bead work to enhance its look. I shall be using the cloth cut out from backless cholis to make the masks and thus recycle, with less wastage. You may mix and match your outfits for all nine days or opt for a single multi coloured one. Group orders are welcome.

Ms.Neata Khulla-Hello sweeties and the not so sweeties ha ha ha! As you all know, the N.R.I’s are always gaga over my designs. So, I have included leather, lace and Swarovskis to my signature styles. Talks are also on for fur and diamond studded custom made creations, for the exclusive, one of a kind type. A lot of Bollywood heroes and heroines are contacting me desperately but I want to serve the Surtis first. You may want to put sunglasses on before viewing my dazzling pieces.Whats more Rs.50 from each purchase will be donated to a good cause by my company, come help make the town better.

By then, the hall was buzzing with excitement.’ I saw models walking the ramp with swine flu masks in the news yesterday,’ said a pretty young thing,’ but they were just wearing boring white masks, nothing this fancy.’

Then, it was Fahid Kapoor’s turn, he looked grave as he said,’Friendf and refponfible citizenf of Furat.Thif if fo fhocking! We are not here to promote fafhion; we are here to promote awareneff.Af we all know, fwine flu if commonly fpread out in crowded placef, fo, the mafkf for the fame fhould alfo be common. I am going to fimply put an emblem depicting the mood of the perfon wearing it.Fmilef for people in authority, profanity for fhort tempered furtif etc.
Unfortunately, no one took him seriously, but I hear the former two got bulk and corporate orders.
Tapi town tattle-America discovers Shah Rukh Khan.

MAD MAN’S TRIANGLES-SURTI STUFFINGS.............
Lest the title scares you, bringing to mind some eerie place like the Bermuda triangle, let me assure you, in Surat, weird names mostly stand for its people or food.
Little did Akshay Kumar know, when he gallantly sang out ‘Jab tak rahega samose mein aalu, tera rahunga o meri Shalu’, that Surti samosas have anything but potatoes in them.
Dough wrapped fried dumplings are very popular in Tapi town. Our Ghanchi and Khatri brothers and sisters excel in conjuring up innovative delights to make the same a pleasure on the palate.
Discover tastes that will tickle your taste buds..........
‘Fataka’ is what gram dal samosas are better known as in Surat. Sautéed with mint, ginger-chilli paste and onions this Surti speciality is available in three different degrees of spice levels.One is a mild, sober taste, the other with a sweet base of raisins while the third is all out on slurplicous spice . Chana dal samosas are sell outs at Nanavat-Gandabhai’s samosas who is the ace of the base in this field since ages; Jain samosas are also a variety popularly sold here.A smaller, milder version of the same are available outside the Syndicate bank, Salabatpura. On Kotsafil Road, above Jyoti plywood, a home run business caters to regulars who buy raw or semi fried versions of these triangular treats.

Bhamardiwala at Khangar Sheri, Salabatpura has the ‘Mastery’, as Surtis put it, in preparing succelent Suran [yam] samosas. Amongst the few who do so in town, it’s a task rarely practised. Yam is first grated, washed and then dried, later sautéed with dry, hot spices and green chilli to make a filling that resembles and tastes like mutton kheema. By the way, mutton samosas are also a speciality prepared to order and unlike the heavy, fried variety available at Chowk, in the by lane that leads to Sonifalia and Sardar museum,Bhamardiwala’s sell a ready to fry version that can be relished hot at home.

At Bibiniwadi, Syedpura, green pea samosas -tempered with curry leaves, cashews, cottage cheese and desiccated coconut are an exotic tropical flavoured filling. Made exclusively by the oil pressers, the Ghanchi community, it is a spicy -sweet delight amidst flaky plain flour pastry.

Innovative stuffings like soybean, sautéed Chinese vegetables and cottage cheese chewies have enthusiastic takers at Anand Mahal Road, near Prime Arcade. The samosa Pattis for these are made from whole-wheat flour.

Suburban Surtis meanwhile, relish the scrumptious taste of Rachna‘s tasty treats at Ghoddod road. The most expensive in their league , the cheese samosas are an exclusive variety from a secret recipe that was handed down from a home in Singapore, by a Surti N.R.I. Also available here are Mexican samosas packed with bean, corn and spring onions.
Surti samosas vary in crispiness according to their shells- from chewy, crispy to gritty.
Pyramid like savouries that now have a commercial existence, originally prepared by experts, within kitchens of Surti homes.

Tapi town tattle-Swine Flu-Kamina fever.

BUDDY BATEIN, BOLLYWOOD ISHTYLE......................
Take a look at your right wrist......if there is no smiley face, bright band or fancy dangler there, then you have been a fuddy duddy and missed ‘Friendship day.’

The westernised version of Krishna Sudama bonding is now marketed with such euphoria that it swept Surat with friendship fervour.

The young and the young at heart of Tapi town celebrated ‘dosti day’ with much chutzpah. In true Surti spirit, everyone was expressing ‘yaaron dosti badi he haseen hai’ in their own ishtyle, with related Bollywood numbers-

The biker gangs braved crater ridden Surti streets and va va vroomed on their mean machines singing ‘Yeh dosti hum nahi todengey, todengey dum magar tera saath na chhodengey’,though the models of their two wheelers are fancier than the one in Sholay,the depth of their feelings was as strong, if not stronger.

Salesmen at various stores organised the Sale season to coincide with the celebration and were heard singing out,’humse tum dosti karlo, yeh haseen galati karlo’, tempting shopaholics with their wares and wears. Inviting them to come and blow off their budget, for bargains that sounded too good to be true.

Our happy and gay crowd spent a serene evening at their usual hangout behind Gandhibaug. As they held hands on the riverside benches and looked out at the Tapi, they soulfully sang,’baney chahey dushman zamaana yeh saara, salamat rahey dostana hamara,’oblivious to the outer world, cocooned in their own.

Rich and flamboyant Surtis were seeing wooing and promising their pretty young friends,’aaja inn hawao mein uthake ley chalu tuh he toh meri dost hai,’with the promise of a Rs. 24 lakh membership for 200 hours of flying a Cessna, at the flying club that is soon to begin at Surat’s airport. Never mind if the club does not take off in future, at least their friendship will, for now.

The ‘Hic! Happy’brigade paid no attention to the hooch tragedy and celebrated the day in high spirits as usual, gloriously singing aloud,’jahaan char yaar mil jaye wahi raat ho gulzar, mehfil rangeen jame’,since it was a Sunday, it was easy to mingle into the crowd without raising eyebrows of doubt.

Hooch makers in the meanwhile are trying their best to cajole authorities to renew old friendship by hopefully humming,’kehdo ke tum mujhse dosti karogey, kehdo keh tum mere dil mein rahogey,’unfortunately for them,the next line in the song goes,’dekhungi,sochungi ,kal parso jawab dungi,’ and the team in question seems to be answering just that.

The first Sunday of August has been a harbinger of the festive times ahead. Surtis celebrated yesterday with colourful thread bands, plastic rings, diamond studded anklets, platinum bracelets, gold necklaces, yellow flowers, delicious chocolates and the works.

If you missed out on doing the same yesterday, DO NOT try to do it today, a trendy teen has informed me that today is enemy day, a day to sing ’dushman na karey dost ne woh kaam kiya hai.’

Tapi town tattle-Return of the tax filing frenzy.

TAPI TOWN’S TELLY TALES.........
Yesterday, while browsing through some gadgets at an electronic goods shop, I ran into Toral aunty, better known as Telly aunty for her ‘I love television’ fame.
‘Hello aunty, how is it going?’ I inquired in my polite tone.
Her face was clouded darker than the present Surti skies,’ Hello dear, dont’ ask, am here to buy a new remote. I broke my old one in anger’
Knowing just how much she loved to channel surf, curiosity got the better of me and I bravely inquired,’ what happened?”
‘I am very upset with these reality shows,’ she huffed,’ they should be shooting all of these in Surat.’
Upon seeing my eyes pop in disbelief, she challenged me,’ Go ahead, name any and I will tell you why.
I for once, was at a loss of words.Then, recollecting the flavours of the month discussed by my friends, I mumbled,’Rakhi ka swayamvar.’with little nerve.
‘Oh! RKS?,’said the expert, ‘you know the obvious winner for that, from day one, was the Gujju N.R.I., if at all she does marry. Well instead of wasting all their time and money, they should have come to Surat with the show, after all every year, we get scores of N.R.I boys who come seeking suitable spouses here. It would have shot to instant International fame, with Indian contestants from all over the world.’
This was going to be tough; I realised and after a thought asked, ‘What about Sach ka saamna? That has run into trouble in the Parliament?
‘Sweetheart, do you not know that Surtis are known to be a profane and promiscuous lot? Forget just the questions; had they shot it with Surtis, even the answers would be scandalous enough to rock the government.’
Not one to accept defeat easily, I threw in my trump card Ace,’Iss jungle se mujhe bachao!’
The serial specialist guffawed on my face,’ That is the easiest one, bachha! Our suburbs have turned into concrete jungle with swirling gutter water swamps; our drinking water has the stench of DDT powder and toxic enough to kill fish, we have poisonous snakes slithering at the airport and musical recitals by frogs, grasshoppers and crickets in our traffic islands, road dividers and gardens, flies buzzing within our drawing rooms and we often face fatal bites from troops of mosquitoes .Cholera, dengue, filaria, falciferum, dysentery ,chikungunia,you name we have it......as if that was not enough, we even have human predators! I hope the rascals are given capital punishment soon.....come on it doesn’t get worse than this even in actual jungles!
That did it, now her face and mood were even darker than before. Just as I was getting ready to scamper off, petrified that I was, I gathered strength to ask one last question,’ why then, are you buying a new remote, aunty?”
The clouds cleared instantly and beaming through her bright smile, she proudly stated,’ it’s for Surat’s saving grace on national T.V.Our dancing queen Ritu Gupta is hot stepping her way to towards the finals.
Tapi town tattle-Eclipse eclipsed!

SURAT NU GRAHAN KASHI MA PRASANN...............
For the first time in the history of mankind, the eyes of the entire world were set on Surat. Declared as the first place in the Universe that would experience the century’s total solar eclipse, the city was all set to shine when the Sun would hide.
The respected chief minister was calling out from hoardings around town; beckoning one and all to celebrate the celestial sighting. Dressed in the colour theme of the Sun and Moon [maybe he was hopeful of a Junagadh victory that would have called for a double celebration.]
Following instructions the SMC conjured up a magical, musical evening on the eve of the event at the indoor stadium which was open to all who cared to come visit, the Chamber of commerce networked to spread the good word and school children and teachers were informed to take time out from their tiresome schedule and report attendance at the airport instead.
The honourable CM, who hoped to be the star of the show, was to drop in for an hour at the newly equipped airport that now boasts of ILS-Instrumentation landing system. An LCD, airshow, flower shower, live commentary from scientists, you name it, the state had arranged for it all. Precious Solar viewer goggles that all Surtis seemed to seek in the past few days had been arranged as party favours for all guests.
But unfortunately, what was to be a hot and happening party, turned out to be a damp squib instead. The clouds played party poopers and it was a dark dawn with a no show. The disheartened CM decided at 5 a.m, that since the Sun was not willing to turn up, nor would he. Surtis were left in the lurch.
All the hustle bustle in town along with the chirping of the birds went into an eerie silence as dawn turned to twilight zone. Even as the world observed Surat plunge into darkness on international television, Surtis had no vision to boast about.
Although NASA had forewarned against the same and declared Teragana as the perfect place for eclipse sighting, it seemed that the ‘made in China’ pictures would, as usual outsell the Indian ones.
But voila! That was not to be and Surat’s mythical partner in piety-‘Surat nu jaman aney Kashi nu maran ‘, Varanasi, came to the rescue. Well, the rest is history, what more can be said other than, ’Surat nu grahan, Kashi ma prasann.’

ABC OF SURTI SIGHTSEEING.........
Now that the entire world has discovered where Surat lies on the map, we Surtis are expecting a whole load of tourists to visit Tapi town and perceive the Sun god’s hide and seek act.
A usual dilemma many Surtis face and complaint about is that ‘there is no place in Surat to take visitors to.’ Well, fret no more, read on to plan a city tour –
A Airport- that awaits more flights, also for Athwagate that has an aeroplane which does not fly.

B Bazaars- Bhagal, Chowk, Chauta, Khand etc., which have different strokes for different folks.

C Chintamani Jain temple, an outstanding example of carved craftsmanship that has its miniature replica in the London museum.

D Dutch cemetery at one end and Dumas beach at the other.

E Eiffel tower, a mini wonder.

Flyovers that network all over town.

G Gopipura, Golwaad and Ghoddod road, each with individual history.

H Hazira home to industrial giants.

I Indoor stadium for its magnitude, Iskon mall for shopaholics.

JJamunanagar for Gardens and walkways.

K Katargam- hub of embroidery trade, Kargil Chowk for eventful evenings.

L Libraries- Andrews, Narmad, Gandhi Smruti,Nagindas .

M Mogul Sarai, the ancient tavern that now houses the offices of the SMC.

N Navapura- the oldest Mahalakshmi temple, Nanpura - oldest bakery and garden.

O Ovaras, the river bank ghats in town - navdi, patali, furja, paanch pandav and also ghanta ovaro behind Kasturba baug that has a huge bell, a measure for flood levels.

P Pandesara hums 24/7 with the textile buzz.

Q Surat’s Qilla that has become a ‘spilts villa’ where government offices and the forestry department function.

R Ring road and Rajmarg, two of our busiest business streets also for Rang upvan one of India’s largest amphitheatre and Rander for ancient mosques and Jain temples.

S Station, the connectivity that the city thrives on, Sardar Patel museum, Suvali beach-the gateway to India for Britishers, Sarthana zoo.

T Tapi, the Sun god’s daughter, one of the 3 rivers in India that runs from East to West.

U Universities VSNGU, SVR, SVNIT and Udhna a paradise for our labour clan.

VVarachha, where the world’s best stones turn to sparkling prisms.

W Weir cum causeway that runs over the Tapi at Singanpor and offers a ‘view to a spill’.

X Xavier’s, voted the best state board school for 2009.Home to cricket, basketball, tennis, karate, yoga activities in the evenings.

Y Yarn markets, the base from which we rule the man made textile market.

Z Zhampa bazaar, beyond the clock tower, the much sought after meat market for non vegetarians and fancy lace market for vegetarians.

To top that, each area has a special Surti dish to go with it where B is for Bhusu, G is for Ghari, K is for Khaja, L is for Locha khaman, P is for Ponk, R is for Rangooni paratha, U is for Undhiyu...

Welcome to Suryapur-city of the Sun.

TAPI TOWN TATTLE Land of the hiding Sun.

HOOCH HIKING IN TAPI TOWN.....................
As Gujarat’s news shame and its worst kept secret come to fore, the state, it seems is divided in two kinds of people.
The first kinds are the social drinkers, who enjoy their alcohol in a stately ambience, guzzling from fancy cut glasses that rattle with cubes of machine made ice. Sipping on either single malts, chardonnays or chilled fizzy beer, Russian vodka or the flavour of the month Bacardi. With starters and hot nibbles from an up market restaurant down the road. With music and conversation flowing along with the booze. Maybe a little dancing or, a lot more, if they get lucky.

The second kinds are those who are labelled drunkards or ‘darudias’. Their day ends with sipping a hazy white coloured fluid from a dirty plastic potli that reeks of rotten fruit and chemicals. This is the liquid that gives them an instant high, not for them any fancy bottled stuff [no, Mr.Mallya, that won’t work] or even the Rs.40.’quarteriu’that requires soda or water but is not even half as potent. Food is the last thing on their mind because the shot of this sharab zaps their senses till they are ready for the next. Anyone trying to even initiate a conversation would be sure to get a hearing of the choicest profanity.

Surat is certainly no exception when it comes to this divide. As most social conversations revolve around the headlines of the week, majority of suburban Surtis looked at the hooch issue indifferently, stating it is not an issue that concerned them,’’kuch bhi peetey hai toh aisa hi hota hai’, ’ae loko ne koi fark nahi padey’.’Yeh sab slum area mein hee hota hai.’
Well dearies, the truth of the matter is ‘hooch hooch hota hai ‘is closer than we think, here is why-

I live at Parle Point, the area that is more notorious for snooty socialites than for illicit liquor but, at a distance of five minutes from my house is the Ambaji temple, the river banks alongside the same are often used as temporary breweries to concoct deadly brews.

As if that is not close enough, my toddlers masseur, a robust woman who comes in from Katargam has single handedly raised her three children not because she is a divorcee but because her husband spends all his earnings as a barber on the ‘potli’.

My housemaid, a pretty young twenty something, refuses to marry the love of her life because the rent of her home and ration are paid by her. Her father and brother are jobless [conveniently] and depend on her for their daily dose from Bapunagar.

My cook’s spouse is a teetotaller but her son in law often turns up at her place in Limda Chowk,asking for an ‘English batli’, for which she happily spends saying, ‘amara ma batli no rivaaj chey.

Lurking over our labourers, whether in Dumas, Bhimpore, Udhna Magdalla, Hazira, Bhatha, Dumbal, Machlipith, Varachha, Ved, Adajan, Pandesara, is ‘lattha ni lut’ the smooch of the hooch is much closer home than we think.

Tapi town tattle- Sakhi Mandal-Gujarat’s new AA group=Anti batli Aunties.

MICHAEL’S MAGIC, MONSOON’S MUSIC...................
Although I am not a great afficionado of Michael Jackson’s music, I completely agree with young tarang Madonna that his music will always live on. As skeletons fall out of the poor little rich pop star’s closet, it seems there are more scandals involved in his death than his life.

With due respect to the dear departed, I wish that people trying to rake up controversies would just ‘Beat It’ and start ‘Looking at the man in the mirror’.

Stop figuring out the ‘Black or White’ but instead tell his lovely children,’ You are not alone’.
Drop the,’ Bad’, ‘Don’t stop till you get enough ‘attitude and ‘Say say say’, to Michael, ‘The way you make me feel’, wanna,’Rock with you’.

So, to remember the man who made growing up in the 80’s a ‘Thriller’ and made every woman wish she was,’ Billie Jean’, let’s celebrate the rains in the way he best would- singing and dancing.
Its ‘barso re megha ‘and ‘tip tip barsa paani’ time, so, let’s have some,’Blood on the dance floor’.
1. Nostalgic? Visit the ‘navdi ovaro’, opposite ‘bahumaali’ and sail paper boats as you enjoy the sunset and sing ‘woh kagaz ki kashti ,woh baarish ka paani’,Jagjit Singh never fails to bring the tears down with the rain.

2. Limerence? Take your date for a sizzler treat to the revolving restaurant, watch the rain drizzle all over Surat as you sing,’rim zhim gire saawan, sulag sulag jaye mann’.R.D.Burman’s masterpiece for people falling in love.

3. Jubilant? Celebrate at the Katargam orphanage with cherubic charmers and cutie pie kids who will add to your joy. Organise a rain dance party and try to match their endearing steps to the beat of, ‘chak dhoom dhoom ‘from Dil toh pagal hai.

4. Enthusiastic? Try group dancing. Join a garba class [yes, they have begun] add Surti swing to Shankar Jaikishan classic,’barsaat mein humse mile tum sajan, tak dhina dhin’played to jhankaar beats.
5. Romantic? No better place to express it than on the bridges over Tapi as you swoon to the evergreen,’pyaar hua iqraar hua hai, pyar se phir kyun darta hai dil?’

6. Sentimental? Spend solitary moments reading at Narmad library. Carry your i-pod and listen to the soul stirring song by Fuzon,’saawan beeto jaiye......mora saiyyan,’as you browse through the books.

7. Blissful? Hire a hand cart; roam, jaywalk Dumas roads to,’aaj rapat jaye toh hamey na uthhaiyo’, Namak Halaal’s namkeen number.

8. Euphoric? Organise a cricket match at Lalbhai stadium, as the crowd cheers to Rahman’s ace from Lagaan,’ghanan, ghanan, ghir aye badra.’

9. Affectionate? The patio overlooking riverside lawns,’flow cafe’, Taj gateway, is just the place to sway to,’rum jhum, bheegi bheegi rut mein tum hum’, the 1942 Love Story way.

10. Passionate? Play safe,spend some special time with the love of your life on the terrace dancing to,’bheegi bheegi raaton mein,’

Whatever your mood is today, Surti, just ‘Remember the time’in Michael’s way, let the music play.

Tapi town tattle =Mumbai’s ‘see’link.