TRAFFIC SAFETY WEAK …ERR WEEK.
Tapi town was all geared up last week. Colourful events were organized, to make its denizens more aware on the serious issue of traffic rules.

The SMC ground besides Chowpatty garden, where Surtis normally enjoy their chatpata street food fare, was chosen as the flag off point.

The band played a solemn tune after which a pledge was taken by the brigade, to make sure that Surtis would be shown safety measures regarding local road travel.

At the crossroads that lead to the circuit house, a sweet voice sang out from a very bad quality speaker, attached to a pole outside the police booth.

Supposedly rendering an awareness song, this was probably penned by a wannabe police poet. It was sharp enough to bring normal traffic to a screeching halt.

The mascots for the event were a bunch of ugly, duplicated zoo zoos.

They looked scary, yet confused (in accordance to the theme, I was told).

Talented children were provided walls of medical and educational institutions to depict their ideas on the subject of road safety.

I hear the event was a huge success; huge amount of fines were collected to prove the same.

Unfortunately, unlike other towns, we Surtis face very different traffic problems. We require special training to combat the same and here are a few suggestions for the next traffic safety week-

The Logo-Karo ya maro.

The Mascot-An athletic looking Surti, in fancy sports gear.

The training programme-

1. Dirt bike racing-For skilled maneuvering over dug up roads that have long lost their cemented cover and provide uphill and downhill terrain within the town.

2. Golfing- The idea here is to have an eye for the potholes and avoid them instead, lest you want a ‘one in the hole ‘for your car tyre. (Promiscuous Surtis sit down and behave yourselves! This has nothing to do with your hero-Tiger)

3. Hundred meter hurdles-Our diversion signs have been so placed on the roads that it requires special skill to avoid them on one side and some jagged edge or vehicle on the other. Vehicles will need to hop, skip and jump for the same.

4. Fencing-As self defense against the cutting edge of our lord of the strings kite runners; pedestrians and bikers will need to master the art of special sword fencing .Thus, cut out chances of a slit hit.

5. Kickboxing-Auto rickshaws that are as jam packed as Trojan horses; with school bound children and slum bound labourers, have riders who specialize in foot signals. They need to be taught to kick a bit higher up so that the left/right signal indication for turns is more prominent.

6. River rafting-To help sail through gutter puddles and flooded areas of over flowing septic tanks and harvested rain water on the roads.

Special long jump and 100 mt.Sprint courses can be developed for pedestrians, who pop out of road dividers.

Also, juggling lessons on how to multitask and handle mobiles, FM channels and children while driving can be held too.

Readers can write in their suggestions, traffic police have assured that ‘prompt action will be taken.’

With present bridgeworks and storm water drainage development going on, the question now is,’ where are the roads?’

Tapi town tattle-Big B in Gandhinagar=Madhushala in Gujarat.

TAMING OF THE SHOE……………..
With due respect to the dear departed bard, this one has nothing to do with any classic work of literature.

Since New Year’s Eve is at the bend in the road, this winter tale is about how Surtis have prepared to party this year.

Now that we have qualified choreographers to turn our cream crowd into dancing kings and queens, it’s been a busy month of prancing preparations.

Lalas and lalarinas decided there would be no more free styling, hence; original Surti dance styles, like Salabatpura swing, Golwaad gyrations, and Parle Point’s pretence have been shown the backdoor.

Hip hop, Salsa and Waltz is what’s hot, in this chilly month.Whats more; we had some national level teachers to come show steps to the willing to spend brigade.

In Surat, most of the crowd that can afford expensive extravaganzas majorly consists of Richie rich aunties and uncles, so, lalarinas decided to tuck up their sarees and swoosh a bit. Unfortunately for them, their husbands are too ‘prim and propah’ to hang loose in public as a result of which all these ballroom dancing skills might never go public but just stay limited to the mirrors in front of which they have been sweated out.

Getting jiggy with it in Tapi town has never been so easy, along with tutors to show us groovy moves and the’ whats new on the block’ music mixes easily accessible, Surat now, also has unending options for trendy dresses, strappy stiletto’s and fashion accessories for dancers to don.

Nevertheless, for most Surti socialites, anything available locally is,’not good enough’ or ‘too tacky ‘for their taste.So, special trips to Mumbai, the Mecca of modern fashion have been made in preparation to greet the new year.

Along with clothes and footwear, haircuts too have been the reason for the crème ‘de la crème’ to take a ‘snip trip’ and look their best.I hear top in town hairstylists of Bollywood’s basti, are now so overwhelmed with enthusiastic Surti visitors, that they are proposing to set up hair cut workshops regularly in Diamond city to meet up the ‘dressed to demand’ hair stories. I personally think they should keep away, because once they become locally available, they will lose their ‘exclusive charm’ and esteemed clients too.

A word about the clothes here, never before have so many a kind, of well cut, short dresses been available in all colours under the sun. Small shops around the corners have geared up with Bangkok and Thailand apparels to please the lissome ladies, with bows and belts thrown in for good measure. Most dresses look more like gift paper wrapping, rather than clothing (methinks they are taking the concept of being ‘presentable ‘a tad too seriously).
Boys are sprucing up with glittery tee shirts and sleekly cut jackets as well as leather ones, men meanwhile are trying to fit into their rarely used, labeled formal attires, teaming them up with pointy toe shoes.

All in all, whether it’s Goa, Daman, Bombay or good old Tapi town, Surtis are set to usher in next new decade in high spirits, that they hold very dear. Here is wishing you all a very happy New Year.

Tapi town tattle-Pasti ki paathshala.

SURAT NU GRAHAN KASHI MA PRASANN...............
For the first time in the history of mankind, the eyes of the entire world were set on Surat. Declared as the first place in the Universe that would experience the century’s total solar eclipse, the city was all set to shine when the Sun would hide.
The respected chief minister was calling out from hoardings around town; beckoning one and all to celebrate the celestial sighting. Dressed in the colour theme of the Sun and Moon [maybe he was hopeful of a Junagadh victory that would have called for a double celebration.]
Following instructions the SMC conjured up a magical, musical evening on the eve of the event at the indoor stadium which was open to all who cared to come visit, the Chamber of commerce networked to spread the good word and school children and teachers were informed to take time out from their tiresome schedule and report attendance at the airport instead.
The honourable CM, who hoped to be the star of the show, was to drop in for an hour at the newly equipped airport that now boasts of ILS-Instrumentation landing system. An LCD, airshow, flower shower, live commentary from scientists, you name it, the state had arranged for it all. Precious Solar viewer goggles that all Surtis seemed to seek in the past few days had been arranged as party favours for all guests.
But unfortunately, what was to be a hot and happening party, turned out to be a damp squib instead. The clouds played party poopers and it was a dark dawn with a no show. The disheartened CM decided at 5 a.m, that since the Sun was not willing to turn up, nor would he. Surtis were left in the lurch.
All the hustle bustle in town along with the chirping of the birds went into an eerie silence as dawn turned to twilight zone. Even as the world observed Surat plunge into darkness on international television, Surtis had no vision to boast about.
Although NASA had forewarned against the same and declared Teragana as the perfect place for eclipse sighting, it seemed that the ‘made in China’ pictures would, as usual outsell the Indian ones.
But voila! That was not to be and Surat’s mythical partner in piety-‘Surat nu jaman aney Kashi nu maran ‘, Varanasi, came to the rescue. Well, the rest is history, what more can be said other than, ’Surat nu grahan, Kashi ma prasann.’