BATTLE OF THE BULGE……………..
Of all the winter routines that Surtis follow most whole heartedly, is their annual winter weight loss schedule.

Post ras, puri, and ghari, not to mention the ghooghra, cholafali of Diwali, the extra kilos need to go before the much awaited New Year’s Eve show.

Hence, come December and Tapi town is abuzz with how to battle the bulge. Everyone has a different approach and idea as to what is the quickest way to lose it.

Trends are a big thing in Tapi town; once someone looks about 200 grams thinner than they did, be rest assured conscious suburban Surtis are going to follow. Here’s how-

STATUTORY WARNING- Do not, under ANY circumstances, attempt ANY of these without consulting your doctor. The ideas expressed herewith are solely those of Surtis in general, bear no resemblance to ANY people you know and most importantly, this column is not responsible for any legal action against it.


FAT TO FIT IN 30 DAYS, VIA 7 WAYS.

Dance pe chance maar le-Turn into a hot stepper and join a dance class to dancercise away the extra pounds. Practice groovy moves, in comfy sports shoes. Try out all out Govinda, Mithunda steps as you check out your self in the mirror and get more ‘moti’vated to melt.
Race sason ki-No silly, its not another ma in law sitcom, it’s simply Surti walkers who are on the run now. The casual languorous evening walkers now have a spring in their steps as they make a run for it, in a bid to get a lower score on the weighing scale.
Gym Hymn-Sweat it out, actually, as someone rightfully put it’ horses sweat, men perspire and women glow’. Get instant lessons on how to build muscle mass and use body fat as energy, with personal fitness trainers [just like the stars].
Tum ‘puke’karlo-Ugly, this one. But, Surtis on the road to bulimia and anorexia are indulging in what goes in must come out, against nature’s way. If you see a friend with falling hair, dead skin and hollow eyes, help, pronto!
Lips locked-Calm down, there is no need to get excited thinking what you are thinking. The term simply means ‘no entry’ for food as, lips are firmly sealed post a meal of hot water, puffed rice and roasted khakhras.
Yoga power, go get it-Yoga instructors are busier than ever before to give huff and puff lessons. It is not as simple as it sounds; Surtis seek to perform Surya namaskars and Bhastrika at break neck speed to match Kareena’s moves.
Hide and seek-The short cut lovers are taking the easy way out. Hunting for loose clothing that will hide the fat and make silhouettes sleek.Desi designers are busy promoting and producing their new line for the same.


Many of the above ways will be meticulously followed with all might, until the month end. Then, it will be a new day and a new year while most will bid adieu to the sports gear.

Tapi town tattle-Kher, gaaney do.