Monday, March 17, 2008

IDES OF MARCH…TIDES OF TROUBLE……..
The Ides of March stand for the first day of the Roman lunar calendar.15th of March, the day that dear old Julius Caesar was asked to beware of and assassinated on. Down the ages, this date is one that resonates doomsday for the superstitious just as Shakespeare had warned; a fore bringer of misfortune, according to many soothsayers.
In present day, our Surti Lalas got a taste of the Ides of March throughout the month. It has been a relentlessly cruel month for them………..

As the month began, a staggering stock market and the sensex knocked the senses out of both the sexes who locked more than horns, as the Bears and Bulls saw red. Dabba traders got tinned by the city police, real estate prices plummeted and diamond traders got singed by the scorcher of the share market’s Holi pyre even as Surti housewives blew up family money set aside to retire. In a town where cash is perennially in flow, liquidity saw many a dry day.

The textile sector got a blow by the FM [Budget, not radio silly!] with no relief to old woes. An 8 % addition of excise duty on imported weaving machines turned ‘TUF into tough’ for the weavers. Thus, spelling days of doom to Lalas who own power looms. With global competition warming up, prospects of growth seem bleak at present for Tapi town weavers who were set to go the long haul in upgrading their technology.

Tax evaders who are in the trade of property, diamond and textile have had a long, difficult month. Most of them were actually given the Ides of March i.e. March 15th.as the last day to cough up the indigestible tax returns. I-T officials seem to have hitched the Lalas, hook line and sinker; leaving no nook or corner for escape. VAT evaders ki toh vaat lag gai! With the Fiscal deadline fast approaching for this financial year, there were chaotic queues at offices of the revenue department as Surtis endlessly lined up and set their records straight to avoid being penalized later.

As though all this was not enough, the Jantri’s Jantar Mantar took the town completely unawares. Surat’s Bahumaali Bhavan turned into a clubhouse as the public, police; lawyers and bouncers tussled over equal rights of registration and decided to ‘go to the mattresses’- a la Godfather. Stamp paper demands caused a stampede. Amongst all the hungama, many stories unfolded along with the sleepover ka saman and hot tales arose along with the Tiffin box lids which Surtis came equipped with. The event also brought together snooty socialites from Parle Point to rub shoulders with the humble hasinas of Varachha, as most Surtis register their property in the name of the fairer sex. Lalas had to line up in person for once to officially register property in the proper way. Not being used to function without corruption, many Surtis unnecessarily slipped in extra currency with the registration amount, in hope that it would earn them an upgraded registration [or so they thought]!

Thus the scorching summer has begun with most Surtis in a soup. For once, March ending will bring a sigh of relief to Tapi towners. Hopefully, the month of April will bring in happier times. But, do watch out dear Lalas, because the new month begins tomorrow with April Fools Day! Here’s wishing you a happy one.
SURAT’S SPRING SERENADE….............
Holi days are here again! No baba, am not talking about this week that is full of holidays, inspite of the fact that we have Idd, Good Friday, Holi, Easter, all lined up. Am talking of how the entire week past and present is being colourfully celebrated by us Rangeela Surtis. Though Dhuleti is officially at the end of the week, denizens are at it already, there is colour abound all around Tapi town! Everybody is celebrating in their own style, here is a peek:
SMC -Holi Special, H2O-The Surat Municipal Corporation is celebrating Holi since the past 10 days. They are regularly supplying us yellow coloured water to drink, wash and bathe to remind us Phagun is here .Though some spoilsports are constantly complaining about the hygiene hassles of the same. Nevertheless, the corporation is working really hard to maintain the festive mood with the colour density getting deeper by the day. Watch out, by dhuleti you may discover a new shade of brown flowing from your taps if you co-operate with the corporation and do not dampen the SMC’s Holi spirit.

GROCERS- Rang Le, Basanti-It’s the most resplendent time of the year for our spice suppliers. Lanes all over Surat have little dunes of Lal Mirchi powder, Mustard Haldi, Lime Green Dhania powder, Brown Jeera, resting under even more colourful tents .From roadsides of Parvat Patia to Bhatar, Ghodod to Varachha, masala makers are tempting Surti housewives to hoard the same; Rang De their spice storage space this spring season with chili, turmeric, coriander and cumin.

KIDS- Maar, Daala!-Of course this is one festival where spoilt Surti kids have their loving parents spend unlimited moolah on fancy squirters from China and toxic colours from Sachin/Pandesara. But the kids as usual have a mind of their own. If you have been smacked with a smelly plastic pouch in the past week, you will know what I mean. Terraces and balconies have been converted into fortresses by the bachha brigade. Giggling away as they have a go, hurling water packed plastic bags and pouches on unsuspecting pedestrians and riders. It is sad to see how parents support this act of polluting the Town, body and mind with marksmanship; they treat the matter so lightly.

MITHAI -Magic Mantra-The onset of the colour festival has inspired our sweet meat makers to display an array of edible rainbow coloured preparations, along with multi coloured legal addictives like Kewra,Saffron, Pistachio and Rose thandai. Consuming the same will help you instantly colour your internal organs as well, lest you complaint that Holi is only skin deep.
’Holi Hai! Yaar.’so, make sure you spread the smiles.
So folks, even though the D-day is at the other end of this week, we Surtis have been celebrating a vibgyor Dhuleti routine. Jokes apart, do try and spend this fun festival with family and friends in an Eco- friendly way. Celebrate spring in true Surti style, colour Tapi town with Peace, Love and Happiness. Forget past differences because,
SURTI LALAS -Ab Tera Kya Hoga Lala?-Keeping up with the colour theme, this Surti lot is going Pink, Crimson, Red in the face since some time now, as they own up to or try to explain their Tax return goof ups of the past. Without even a sip of bhaang, they claim to be seeing multi coloured stars in broad daylight during the I T department’s survey sessions!
TAPI TOWN’S TRAFFIC TRIVIA…
Press, Horn. O.k. Please, A.2.A.V.K.V? Before you raise a surprised brow, let me explain the reason behind this lingo; driving around a city is a great way to know more about its people and culture. Here are a few observations while cruising along the streets of our hometown Surat-
U-19? Me-15! -- So what if we do not have a player to qualify for the under 19 cricket team? Should there ever be a competition for underage drivers; Surtis will beat the others hands down [literally] to win the world championship! Our kids are so talented; we have 15 year olds who handle a four wheel drive as easy as apple pie.
Yours, mine and ours…..Surtis love to share, they are not selfish .So, when they listen to music in their vehicles, they make sure the entire neighbourhood is listening. Often at a signal a jugalbandi can be enjoyed by the music blaring out of different cars and autos. It is after all rare to hear Atif Ali, Bon Jovi perform along with Bappida.
Time table rules-Our traffic police is extremely organized. They do not trouble tired drivers with all the tiresome rules. Everyday is fixed for a certain norm. So on Mondays, you are fined for not using helmets, on Tuesdays for not using seat belts, On Wednesdays for not carrying P.U.C and so on. If you figure out the days of the ‘fine routine’, you will be ticket free this season.
Tow in time-Surtis are allowed to park wherever, whenever they please to do so. The tow truck visits each area twice a day. All the time in between is efficiently utilized by students, housewives and chauffeurs to park their vehicles however they wish to do so in areas that proclaim to be a ‘No Parking Zone.’
Left, Right and Centre- Surtis are very competent drivers .Although they drive right hand drive vehicles, they follow rules of International driving standards and change the routes as per their mood. They can drive at great speed on the wrong side of the street, change lanes like Formula 1 drivers, and enter No Entry zones. Auto drivers signal by foot, cyclists do not even bother. Surtis work very hard to make sure that if you can drive in Surat, you can drive anywhere in the World.
Pillion million, nano is moto—two seaters are easily converted to four seaters by Surtis. The backrest and petrol tank of bikes accommodate happy Surti families with ease as also friends who bond on their bikes.
Vintage wonders—although we do not have cars to qualify in this bracket, we do have auto rickshaws and trucks on the road which belong to the long bygone past era .In spite of living on a prayer, these run around selflessly for public service.
Hearing Disability-Surtis make sure you remember their signature tune so they spend money to use high decibel tunes as music while reversing their cars, lest you forget who was visiting.
Shady characters-Lalas love to look at their town through rose tinted glasses. So they have films that shade car glasses from light to the darkest shade of brown depending on how deep the owner’s intentions are.
Express way-In this driver’s paradise, the horn is used to express one’s feelings. Be it anger, happiness, calling out friends, Surtis communicate by honking away.
So dearies, if you want to develop your driving skills, improve your vocabulary, and sharpen your reflexes, take a drive around Tapi town. Here scratched, dented and grazed vehicles that are colour blind to red signals, merrily bump around.
SERIGRAPHY TO SARIGRAPHY, SURTI LALA STYLE……

The word serigraph comes from the root words ‘Seri’ meaning silk in Latin and‘Graphos’
meaning to draw, in Greek. Serigraphy is silk screen printing, one of the oldest forms of print reproduction, an intricate process that demands great expertise. Using this technique to make open and limited editions of art replicas was first made popular in the 1960s, by the American ‘Prince of Pop art’-Andy Warhol. The idea was to make multiple copies of art affordable to a new segment of buyers interested in owning artwork. Original serigraphs are numbered and signed by the artist as proof of authenticity.
Closer home, our ‘whalah Surti Lalas’ have been practicing similar methods to mint moolah.Here is the low down on it……….
Since as early as the thirteenth century, Surat has been a trade centre for textile. Cloth from around the country was processed [dyed, block printed, washed, finished] and exported from here, often bartered for other goods from around the world. From Kinkhabs, Cotton and Silks then, to Polyester now; 1 out of every 3 sarees available in the country these days is manufactured in Surat. Surti Lalas are the undisputed lords of man made textile in the country. Printed fabrics from our town drape people from Kashmir to Kanyakumari not to mention exports to Kenya, Kansas and further on!

Heavy demand of Screen printed sarees manufactured in Surat, has created an ever hungry market for new prints and designs. The textile designers in town give their best shot for the same but apparently cannot cope up. It is common practice in Tapi town therefore, to go on a ‘print shopping spree ‘! Trendy prints are lifted off original works of renowned artists from out of town, to replicate them on the warp and weft of polyester.Sarees and fabrics by famous designer labels from Mumbai, Delhi, Kolkatta, who put to use talent and expertise to create exclusive prints, are sought and bought by Surti mill masters on a regular basis. Direct copies and modified versions of the same are screen printed on Surti saris to lure buyers who get great value for money in the bargain. Nowadays, imitations of Benarasi weaves, Parsi embroidery, Jamavar etc are also machine manufactured in synthetic fabrics.
’Jo achha dikhta hai, who achha bikta hai!”is the SurtiLala’s, favourite formulae; Trademark or copyright are words that do not feature in his dictionary. Hence, our printing industry mostly thrives on unofficially reproducing designs which are the current flavour of the fashion season. It is the easiest and quickest route to sure shot profit making for our mill maaliks, not to mention the happy housewives who get to keep the designer originals when hubby dearest is through with the ‘sari’graphy. To their credit, so well are the prints replicated by our mills that at times it becomes impossible to tell the original from the copy, at first look.
By the way, while we are on the subject of serigraphy, the 10 day ‘Kala Mahotsav’ in town ended yesterday. For sale at this art festival, were beautiful serigraphs by popular artists like S.H .Raza, Jogen Chowdhury, Thota Vaikuntam, Madhavi Parekh, and Amit Ambalal. There were no takers of these works in Textile town. Upon being explained what a serigraph meant, potential buyers at the gallery, did not want to purchase what was’ a replica of the original.’Kyaa matlab hai?’ Questioned a Lala, “Yeh toh copy hai, hum toh sirf original pasand kartey hai! Iski kyaa value?” He thundered in a tone that would have made dear old Mr. Warhol quiver in his grave. Copy that?