Monday, March 30, 2009

COFFEE WITH CAR RUN..........
There are, but two things that tremendously trigger car sales in Tapi town. One is Dassera and the other is Depreciation.
While the former is for a joyful, pious, good omen reason to buy; the latter on the other hand is purely business.
As March ending nears, every year, Surti Lalas scramble to show purchases that will lead to more income tax depreciation in their tax record adjustments, officially.
Since car companies also want that bright spot in the fiscal year, it’s a twin win situation. This rush boosts their final year ending sales.
Last December, laws for the purchase policy in the automobile industry were changed as an anti recession move. This has triggered even further sales of four wheelers from the tax benefit point of view.
Our blue eyed boy Rahul Gandhi’s recent Surat parikrama, led to a new fad of SUV fashion and all Surti Lalas worth their salts have made sure that they booked one for themselves .Leading car showrooms have confirmed that the demand for suv’s since then has gone up twice as much. Lalas have also had the added benefit of saving up to 3.75 lacs. Since prices for the Suv’s is to go up post March. Lalas now hope to proudly drive around in a look that said,’mine is bigger than yours’.
The aam aadmi is having the last laugh though, with the biggie of tiny technology and bitten by the Tata love bug Nano ,Surti Lalas will have competition in the common man and woman for that matter, looking up with national pride and proudly saying ,’mine is smaller than yours.’
Talking about women, most lalarinas do not care what cc their car is, as long as they get to go to and fro from VLCC in it.
Lalas cleverly make their wives feel like a ‘madamji’ by chivalrously offering a 24/7 chauffer to drive them around. Truth of the matter is, they don’t trust their beauties with anybody; I mean the cars of course not their better halves.
Rolls Royce and most other super luxury cars are not going to lower car sales target for India this year. Since January, car sales in the country seem to have jumped by 22 percent. Surti car dealers have been smiling in delight.
Bardoli’s second hand car market at linear bus stand though, has seen better days.Alongwith the N.R.Is, car sales too have trickled in the past year, unlike before when it was flooded with ready buyers with quick cash. Even luring the present ones with Bardoli’s famous ‘Bharkhadevi American dry fruit ice cream’ is not getting them any buyers as such.
Surti dealers do not need to tempt their ever ready buyers that much. Other than the offer of easy loan, basket of freebie accessories, dull cushions and cute toys, all the potential buyer is offered is a cup of tea or coffee with a free test drive car run.
The coffee at most of our leading car showrooms tastes like ,’dudhpak’.The late Behram Contractor-Busybee,Mumbai’s ace writer once wrote that ,’in the olden days, Mumbai’s India coffee house was the place where car dealers struck the maximum deals and more cars were bought and sold than coffee.’
It’s March ending dearies, and in Lalaland, the case with coffees and cars is exactly the same.

Monday, March 16, 2009

SURTI SCIENCE SHARUKH’S SURGEONS DON’T KNOW OF......
Of late, Tapi town has turned into old Mac. Donald’s farm. With here a quack, there a quack, everywhere a quack quack! Thankfully, now with more people aware of their existence, Surtis will watch out before taking prescriptions from the,’neem Hakeem khatrey jaan’ types. Or rather as Surtis put it,’gunn vagar na gyaani.’
In the old city area, there are some naturopaths- ’pattiwaley babas’; that cook wax like packs in a pan and apply sticky hot tapes to unmentionable body parts that are ailing with oozy boils! They believe a crime is committed only when you prescribe medication without a licence; as long as you do not do that, alternative medicine is legal enough.
There is however, another kind of alternative medicine which the government of Gujarat used to provide official licence for, after years of observation and practice. Though the government has now discontinued licence for this particular field, the ‘juna ane jaanita’ licence holders continue to soothe the pain of hundreds of patients a day, men women and children for an extremely nominal cost against the service they render.
If you have grown up in Surat as a child, chances are that a game of cricket, kabbaddi, khokho or catching the cook left you with a twisted arm, dislocated shoulder, swollen ankle or some such ailment for which you would have inardvently visited a bone setter a.k.a.’hadvaid’.’This term is a short form of ‘hadkana vaid’.
Since ancient Egyptian times, bone setting is an art that is an acquired skill. It is ancestral knowledge, which has been passed on down the generations, through sheer experience. A science that exists from a time when there were no chiropractors, osteopaths or therapists. ‘Bone manipulation is the Science of having X-ray vision’, a stalwart in the field told me. ‘We believe in preserving the bones,not removing them. I can confidently say, if Sharukh and Atal Bihari Vajpayee had come to Surat, they would be cured without surgery.
Unlike our state of the art hospitals and clinics, a hadvaid’s clinic is generally a no nonsense, simple room, divided by a curtain in respect to the patient’s privacy. Cool Kota stone floors, with a whirring fan over old wooden benches and most definitely a poster or two of the visual human body chart with an anterior and posterior view. You can discover where medial/lateral condyle of femur, middle phalanx, lumbar vertebra and other such interesting body parts exist within your frame. Within the curtained room, one look at the trouble spot makes the experienced therapist know a ‘tachakda’ or popping in which particular angle will provide immediate relief.
Although swellings take time to heal, the pain relief is instant. Mortar and pestle ground cold and hot pastes that look like face packs are prepared at home by hadvaids. Everyone has their own special receipes with herbal ingredients that come in from the jungles of Dang,Bharuch,Vyaara etc.Once the dislocated bone is set, its painted with a ‘lep’ and neatly bandaged in white gauze and the patient gets to go home immediately.Now,only if Sharukh and Vajpayee knew about it.
TAPI TOWN TATTLE –What did Fiza’s phone friend turn into? Phoney fiend!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

SURTI POLL ETHICS..........
The poll dice and dates have rolled and the biggest gamble of 2009 has begun. Even as you read this, it has been decided throughout this great nation of ours, that this time around, it is going to be the thinker’s vote that will win.
As the media is playing a responsible role in generating awareness, pre election thought process polls have resulted in common views-Indian voters stand united in what they want to see in their future lok sevaks.
The list of qualifications is not long but, is by our political standard, a pretty tall one. Indians want young, educated, non biased, free of criminal records, grounded visionaries who are locals of the constituency they represent.
The Surti voters are worried to death with this list .Though they completely agree with their fellow countrymen, they fear their candidates might not live up to all the needful. But Surtis are now loaded with their new election voting cards, which they have earned by standing in unending queues, for long hours. They have decided to put it to good use.
Voters in Tapi town seem to be set with who deserves their precious votes. Unfortunately, the vote bank is divided, here is why.....
Yarn importers vs. spinners-Finger pointing in this segment has been on since long, as each party accuses the other to be working hand in glove with ministers to tip the scales in their favour of moolah making policies. It’s going to be vote for note in this one, hands down for sure. No fan following or party loyalty will hold more importance than the one who will get the job done.
Diamond workers vs. Diamond merchants-Having run from pillar to post and yet returned empty-handed, this recession hit sector is now aimless when it comes to voting. Left, right and centre have all proved to be pointless directions and they are lost. New complications now arise, as they want vote for change, in a battle that is now within.
Industrialists vs. Environmentalists-Even as our state begins with its new agenda of global warming, both the polluting parties and anti polluting brigades are up in arms. It’s question of survival of the filthiest against the fittest in this case. It is going to be a catch 22 for politicians with this one as progress loving Surtis are used to bending rules .A clean, green Surat is not as easy as it sounds.
Boys vs. Men-Our blue eyed boy Rahul Gandhi and his outspoken friend Sachin Pilot, with their yuva inspiring quips have raised a stir in the young guns. Thinking unlike their dads; who have always agreed with and have been following a clear visionary so far, the young hearts of Surat want to tread a new path. They want to set a new trend, by voting as an Indian, not as a caste, for a better future. Polls this year are sure to see the change brought about by the youth.
The female frenzy, however, I hear are unanimous with their choice for this once.
Well, only time and midsummer will tell us who shall emerge as the people’s choice.
For now, all Surtis stand united on the thought that,Aeni ’! @#^&%*#@! [Unprintable body parts] Jey pun avay, te kharu, dhandho dhum dhum vo joiye!
TAPI TOWN TATTLE-With the government failing to practice Gandhigiri, what brought Bapu’s belongings back? Mallyagiri!

Monday, March 2, 2009

SINGLE MALTS VS SURTI BATLIS...........
With state of the art golf grounds planned to sprout up around Tapi town, in Hazira and Navsari, the Lala lobby is set to take tee for two lessons so that they may score a birdie and put one –in –the hole, before their business rivals do.Internationally, Scotland is known as the ‘Home of Golf’ but of course, it is more popular for its prime product, Scotch whiskey, especially single malts.

’Whiskey’ comes from the Latin root word aqua vitae meaning ‘water of life’.Surat’s water of life is definitely the Tapi, our purans state’ Tapi nu jaman ne Kashi nu maran’,its waters are known for lending taste to all Surti food and drink. The single malts of Scotland are bifurcated by their regions, speyside- that makes the smoothest, most outstanding malts, followed by highlands, lowlands and Islay. Surat has no such distinction; all its areas are popular for making their special Surti treats, be it Ved road or Harinagar.

Scotland has the largest variety of Scotch in the world while Surat along with food, is also home to the widest choice in bubbly drinks. [Cola not champagne, silly] Not only do we have India’s oldest, fizzy products to please Surti palates but also the most innovative ones like ‘falsa’,’pineax’,’kafura’. ’Batlis’ as Surtis call it, are bottles of soft drinks, available through town in different avtaars.

It is difficult to get your hands on authentic single malt and in our case of a dry state, legally impossible as well. Surti ‘batlis’ however, are available nineteen to the dozen from Adajan to Bhagal, Varaccha to Dumas, and Piplod to Ring road. Crates of chilled fizz are easily found in all nooks and corners of the city. Also known as’Thanda peena’,’colddrinks’’mickcher’,’sodalemon’etc., locally, they have found their way into paan shops and road side kiosks as well. Best served chilled, they rest on raw ice from Nanpura’s Machiwaad ice factories.

The biggest complication with single malts is the way their names are pronounced, Glenfiddich, Glenlivet,Glenmorangie,Lagavulin,Talsiker etc.Surti batlis have no fuss fizz names, in Kashmira, citrola,ginlim,try,santrola,jirola,jira mari,..........unending names and flavours you may call out at your will, whim and fancy. Although we do not have high or low lands after which malts are named, traffic islands in Tapi town are named after our batlis like Sosyo circle, Parle Point circle etc.

While malts, an acquired taste, ask for Sushi,Oyesters,dark Swiss chocolate, Cuban cigars, fancy ambience, glasses that are the correct size, a good book to browse and need to be ‘nosed ‘to enjoy their smoky flavours, Surti colas can be had anytime ,anywhere, with any cuisine, preferably directly from the bottle. We have appetizers, and digestive drinks as well as some that go superbly well to wash down Gujarati gourmet meals.

The process of manufacturing single malt takes years to get it to develop its peaty taste, in the full bodied barrel that the barley is stored in. Surti batlis are instantly made at Bhatar with handmade soda bottle makers, where you can have a ‘kanchey wali’ marble sealed, kala khatta ,kesri or jaljira batli,multi flavours also made by Hil-Mil ,Prince ,He-man ,Ganesh and Simla in old city areas.

An enterprising, young, Surti entrepreneur, now in London, is going to provide authentic single malts online, with a door step delivery anywhere in India. Surtis will take satisfaction in the fact that Seep cold drinks and juice centre; will continue to serve their prime batli product-‘Pepiyo piyo, mast jeevo.’

TAPI TOWN TATTLE-What did the downslide of share markets and real estate make Surti Lalas do? Get back to business, Spin more yarn!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

WHISKEY? NO,SOSYO-INDIA’S FIRST SWADESHI SOFT DRINK

If there is one Indian aerated drink that has been holding up fort against American colas,it has to be Sosyo.Yes apnu own Surti soft drink,’a drink which has to be drunk thrice, in a glass full of ice ,to get the taste of spice’as the followers say.

Sosyo was born in Surat in 1927 during the ‘Swadeshi’ movement when Gandhiji called for a ban on imported products,Mr.Mohsin.Hajoori introduced it as the Indian option to the U.K. drink, ‘vimto’ which the Hajoori company’s founder, Mr.Abdul Hajoori was marketing in India since 1923.

Originally called ‘Whisky No’ ,to attract both alcoholics and teetotallers,it was bottled with a London made soda maker at first and later on Indian,semi automatic hand filled soda makers, sealed with a marble ,in a factory that was set up in Salabatpura by Hajoori and sons.Marketed by the manufacturers in bullock carts that set out to surrounding villages,selling the swadeshi product.

‘whiskey no’ the interesting name was derived from the fact that sosyo tastes like alcohol,but is not.’It is the only non alcoholic beverage that tastes like a perfect mix of whiskey,rum and soda.’ says Dhiren Shah,a die hard Sosyo fan.
'It is not a cola but a non alcoholic cocktail',smiles Usha Kapadia ,who has been relishing it since the past 52 years,'I remember the old bottle with a sticker on it and foil on top.'

This popular drink later derived its present name from the Latin word ‘socious’,since it became a social drink.
‘A heady mixture of grape and apple cider with some ingredients that are imported from Germany and Italy and also a blood building agent.Anything in excess is harmful,but nothing acts as a better digestive to Surti food . ‘proudly claims owner Mr.Abaas Hajoori who heads the Surat bottling plant,now at Sosyo circle,Udhna Magdalla road ,the only place where the secret mixture is concocted,’our bottles now have a pvc seal for authenticity.Sosyo is best served chilled’

Over time,the company progressed to other drinks of which ‘Kashmira’,a digestive soda made with jeera,clove,capsicum,ginger and pepper is a very popular product.Lemee,Ginlim,Misty are other flavours that are manufactured and packaged in pet bottles and 100% fruit juices have now been introduced.

More than 50 million bottles of Sosyo are consumed in Gujarat and Maharashtra annually,where the company has its bottling plants.People from neighbouring states who visit Surat often carry bottles of Sosyo and Kashmira back. Now popular in videshi shores and stores,it is exported as far as U.A.E,South Africa,New Zealand,U.K. and the U.S.of A.

The export bottles proudly claim in bold letters’AN INDIAN DRINK’ with a tri coloured backdrop,after all, it is the first one.