Saturday, January 26, 2008

THE COLOUR OF MONEY IS BLACK AND WHITE, HONEY!
Last year, a guest from Mumbai, was shocked out of his bank balance! Here’s why-- He purchased a television for his parents from a prominent electronic store in Surat and the shop keeper said,’ Sorry sir, we do not have a credit card machine!’ ‘What kind of money do you people carry around here?’ he asked me amazed because the said television model was for an amount that ran in five high figures.’ The black kind’, I answered jokingly, but turns out that it’s true! Solid Surtis are always Liquid cash rich-here is why-
Surat-The land of the Lalas, always has been associated with Diamonds, Textiles, Property and Trade. Money talks here and how!’Maal=Golmaal’ everything is available here if you can afford the tag, School admissions and top official ranks, licence for thrills and forbidden lands. Anything illegal is no problem, being rich here is your claim to fame and buying out the opposition is the name of the game. The Surti Lala racks his brains around the clock, to make sure his path is clear of any legal blocks.

‘Laundry Service’ in Laladom would actually mean conversion of black money to white.
‘Solid hai toh Liquid hai! --Whether it’s Gold, foreign currency, property, stocks and shares, world wide travel stamps on the passports, or a fleet of fancy cars, you name it and Surtis have it. Most Surtis do not need to swipe their credit cards for any of the above because they have enough cash that is unaccounted for, which can get them whatever they wish for. Hence, nothing is out of reach for the deep pocketed Surti.

‘Cash hai toh ash hai!’ ’-- Surtis have innovative ways of using their extra bucks; here is how their money works….
While most other cities around us would kick up a storm against inflation, corruption, violation of consumer rights, we almost take pride in practicing the same. Impossible school norms, flexible traffic rules, erratic working schedules are followed routinely. Pollution of water, air, land, every and any kind is legal here if you have the money to buy it. The other Indians from Punjab, Rajasthan, Bengal and Madhya Pradesh have migrated here to make that quick buck and so when in Surat, they too do as the Surtis do.

‘Moolah Mantra’--It does not matter if your money is black or white, in Surat it is your ticket to the quickest route on the top rung of the social ladder. Money may not buy you culture or style, but here it surely gets you a million smiles.Surat is often accused for not having any infrastructure for education, culture or medicine. The simple reason for that is that ‘Mara Whalah Surti Lalas’ think that they can always buy the same when needed. So though our growth as a progressive town shows wonders, are basic infrastructure remains a big blunder.

‘Ay, Kya Bolta Tu?’--The next time you happen to hear a conversation in Surat that involves the words’kala key dhola?’I.e.black or white? It might not be a T.V or hair or clothes that are being discussed; chances are that it’s the colour of money, honey.

Anyways, to get back where we started from, keeping up with good marketing strategy, in true Surti style, the above mentioned store ran an advertisement a week later and it proclaimed just one line-------------------’we accept all credit cards.’
BENCH MARKS FOR THIS VALENTINE…………
Remember the beautiful brown bench in the middle of a lovely garden, in the movie Notting Hill? Ahh! ‘THE’ most romantic place on Earth where William Thacker reads out’ Captain Correli’s Mandolin’ to Anna Scott while the inimitable Ronan Keating hums,’you say it best, when you say nothing at all’-in the background .Well, one would have to travel to Perth, Australia to have the pleasure of sitting on,’ June’s bench from Joseph’.
How about the bench in front of the Taj Mahal, built for Mumtaz, that has been on the wish list of every celebrity couple and recently part of the Bruni-Sarkozy travel struggle?
Makes you want to celebrate St.Valentine’s day in a ‘novel’ new way? Since Surtis generally hit the streets to celebrate anything and everything, let’s take a look at what chances we Surtis have to find a ‘private public place’ in Tapi town where one can read out to a loved one……….
The poolside of Officer’s Gymkhana, next to the Circuit House at Chowpatty.Built on upper level, open to the sky; it overlooks the Tapi and has a divine view of the opposite shore where the birds fly to find their way home. This place is seldom visited by the members. It offers one of the best points in town, to watch the Sun set in the multi-hued, distant horizon.

The patch of sandy beach at Dumas [yes it exists!], opposite the statue of The Universal Mother. With feathery casuarinas, that sway to soothing, gentle breeze. Sea waves that come in flapping on the shore. This tranquil spot is like a scene from your most romantic dream destination. Truly, a little bit of Heaven on Earth.

The Shell Port, Hazira is sheer poetry by the magic of moonlight. Serenely spectacular, even as it’s endless lights dot the skyline. Perfect in every sense, also perhaps the only place in town where one can enjoy jaywalking. It looks out at the Arabian Sea under a blanket of stars that seem to shine the brightest here.

The quaint little garden at the Mount Carmel’s church, Makkaipul. The pious peace and privacy of this place works its magic. Amazingly, it manages to completely detach itself from the buzzing town that lies just on the other side of the hedge. In a class of its own, reminiscent of vintage era. Clean, green, bliss.

If you would rather be at home, no better place than the terrace to get away from domestic help and doorbells. Create an ambience with floating candles, fresh flowers and a barbecue. Take along your guitar, keyboard to strum and play out your favourite tunes together. Forget the bench and cuddle up on a mat spread out on the floor in true Surti style.

Wherever you decide to spend this anniversary of St.Valentine’s martyrdom, make sure you make it memorable for your precious one. Remember though, no dates at’ The Eiffel’, a la ‘Sleepless in Seattle’, since ours is a traffic island! Get going from today and pen down your own thoughts on a love note, which you can read out to your paramour’. Keep it original, so, ‘Quote no more cliché’s and watch out for the touché.’
WEDDING VOWS-----WOWS AND WOES……………
Once upon a time, weddings in Surat were a simple, private affair. No’ Big B influence,’ just a ceremony to sanctify the couple’s confluence .The Sheri where the bride lived [since almost everybody lived within the walled city in those days] would be covered with a colourful ‘mandva’ that gave a rosy hue to the entire lane. So, the said street was officially blocked for two days……….
Day one would be a casual evening, where the family of the bride and neighbours would sing out traditional folk songs and apply mehndi, post dinner. The oldies would relax on ‘gadlas’,chewing away at their betel nut leaves, preening their eyes to see children, grandchildren and great- grandkids mingle.
Day two was the exciting part, where within a ‘mandap’ put up since the morning ,puja would be performed by the bride and parents.Then,the same venue would be done up in fresh, fragrant local flowers, with two’ sankheda’ patlas or chairs facing each other, ready for the wedding. Family members sat around it and blessed the newly weds. Traditional lunch , prepared by a maharaj,was served at an open’ wadi’ down the street .Invitees would eat out of disposable khakhar baaj and dadiyas, in turns which were called ‘pehli pangat’, ‘beeji pangat’ and so on. Sheri boys served Yummylicious food that included farsan, seasonal vegetables- lilva, undhiyu or panchkutiyu, daal, pickles. If the kids got lucky, there would be a sancha ice cream for dessert too, in addition of course, to the ace traditional delicacy- Lapsi.

As times changed, so did weddings and their venues .From Sheri to ‘nath ni waadi’ to present day ,where farm houses on the city outskirts are converted into places that resemble ‘Jumbo Circus’.Surti versions of fancy cuisine from around the world along with juices named’anarkali’ and’ toofani minty’, are served by a troupe of stiff, uniformed chaperones. Fake Flora and Fauna of impossible colours are put up all around in the name of décor!
Influenced by Sooraj Barjatya, Surti weddings have become week long’ affairs’ [literally]’.Guest lists too, read like ‘hum aapke hai kaun?’ Everyone is invited. The festivities begin with ‘sangeet’the official word for cocktails .Everybody that the bride/groom’s parents know gets to perform on filmy numbers, with clothes to match. Soon, the stage turns into a who is who? The happiest people in this ceremony are the boozers, huddled in a room, enjoying the alcohol as long as it flows. Also happy are the ‘begaani shaadi mein Abdullah deewana’types, who were invited because they were friends of the bride’s mother’s best friend, but now feel like family and circulate likewise.

Then, follow the Mehndi night, DJ night, and Bachelor/Spinster night etc.which are like fancy-dress dos. The unsaid rule for these though, is ‘BOB’ i.e. bring your own booze and find your own corner. Sometimes, unemployed artists from Mumbai grace these celebrations. DAY 6 is the ‘Mosalu’, a very personal ceremony with only 500 invitees, who get to ogle at part of family fortune being exchanged. Usually a day ceremony, where everybody is sober and sleepy. The elders love this one since they do not feel lost on this important day and get to have their say. Also, a day when everybody cries, for different reasons.
The Wedding and Reception are more or less similar, with the same 2500 people wandering about, clueless. By then, the Bride and Groom have had enough. Tired and weary, as they automatically smile at every face that appears in front of them. I also suspect they hate their designer gear by now. Poor souls, talk about an ‘unforgettable experience.
’Phew! I think that’s a wrap on weddings for this season .Now, I have to deal with the dilemma of my wedding wear not meeting a disastrous end at the dry cleaners. As I sort out what goes where, I realize how much I miss the ‘Sheri lagan maharaj ni khatti mithhi daal.’ Somehow, nothing in the world tastes as good as that did…………….
ARTISTIC DISILLUSION……………Recently, certain members of Indian society called upon a boycott on all Godrej products. Reason being; the owners of the said company had hosted author Salman Rushdie at their guest house. This caused a divide in staunch followers of both religion and brand paraphernalia; but this column is not about that.
Rushdie dwells in London also the present place of residence to one of our most well known and commercially successful contemporary artist.Mr.Hussain who needs no introduction, is cooling heels in London. He lives in exile because through his art, he has upset the feelings of certain individuals by what they thought was as unacceptable form of representation.
Getting back to art, four years ago, Mr.Hussain had visited Surat. The occasion was the grand opening of one of the most beautiful art galleries in India .Also; the only gallery in Surat that displays art [since the other two are rented out to bored rich housewives who display their fancy wares for a quick buck in copied versions of original paintings]. After addressing a packed audience that sat in awe, Hussain promptly painted a scene from his childhood that depicted a child, his bicycle and his mother .It is displayed here along with many of his other works. The said gallery is within the Bela mills compound and is owned by Garden. Originally an English factory, this mill still retains its old world charisma. A heritage in itself, with its octagonal brick chimneys, majestic wooden beams and roofs that seem sky high. The private collection of paintings and sculptures within is a wish list for every art lover. Works by S.H.Raza, Tyeb Mehta, K.H.Ara, N.S.Bendre to name a few, proudly share space on the huge walls. Many a painting sought after by the National Gallery of Modern Art lies locked here. This exclusive and invaluable gallery which was presented to the Surtis as a culture gift was shut down to public viewing after it was gate crashed and vandalized on 29-1-2004 by certain members of our ‘aam janta’.Objecting to a couple of paintings portrayed which they thought were offensive to their religious sentiments, they destroyed eight priceless ones in the bargain.
Coming back to art-’Tapti’ as the collection is named, is home to over 150 works of several superb masters, one of whom is Bhupen Khakhar, who studied at the Faculty of Fine Arts in Vadodra. Lately, the same Faculty was attacked by people whose national sentiments were hurt by the artistic expressions on some college students ‘canvas.
Anyway; getting back to what we are talking about, lets know more about Bhupen Khakhar -brilliant, by far one of India’s greatest painters. Mr. Misunderstood, he was known as the ‘enfant terrible’ in the Indian Art circuit and nobody other than his
Colleagues understood the method in his madness. He began painting at the age of 28 and surprised critics with his bold impressions.Brave enough in his times to announce to an oppressive world that he was a homosexual. This accountant turned artist’s masterpieces were dubbed as ‘gay’ and proscribed by starchy officials and art critics who found his audacity unacceptable. Though the Indian media was then intolerant towards the spectacular works of this Master, he received International acclaim thus putting Vadodra on the art world map. Posthumously; his paintings are a rage and constantly in demand. An extensive collection of his fine works lies locked and secure in Surat staring out at other contemporary paintings, behind what I suspect are heavy Godrej locks. The only International sit down portrait ever painted by this genius, was created on request for the British High Commission. It is called ‘The Moor’ and is that of author Salman Rushdie.
Err…………..I suppose that brings us back full circle to where we started off from.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

HOW WELL WE KNOW OUR VINO!

Booze is the social glue of all mankind’, said dear old Barbara Holland who really loved her wine. In the ‘dry’ state city of Surat, nothing stands more true. It is customary in the Khatri community to share a ‘batli’ as they call it, on all occasions of social gatherings be it birth, death or weddings.’Surya ast toh khatri mast’, the men and women folk have their own circles on the home floors with ‘dana-chana’ and ‘mutton mamnas ‘doing the rounds as bite sized food accompaniments. The Golwaad area, often touted as a policeman’s nightmare, has ‘bhajiya patra’ kiosks busy as soon as the sun sets. Groups of regulars order from their doorsteps as gamblers gather for their evening session of game and daru.In the posh localities of southern Surat, come evening and restaurant phones are abuzz with home –delivery orders of a variety of starters Chinese toTandoori.Alcohol is easily the worst kept secret in Surat ,it is common knowledge. There are different ways to produce this dipsomaniac’s delight in Tapi town-
DIY-Do it yourself. In case you raise a surprised brow, let me tell you that in 1632 A.D., Peter Mundy, a European traveler who had spanned India, was surprised too at finding many people in Surat addicted to opium which grew on Surti soil in vast quantity.In the poppy fields, seeds and husks were seeped in water and an alcoholic bevearage called ‘poste’ was procured from it.Cannibes-Bhang was also used to prepare intoxicating drinks and alcoholics were then known as ‘postees ‘or‘bhangees’.In modern day Surat, alcohol is produced at 3 levels.
1. Potli /latthho- one of the worst kind made from soda ash powder used in polishing metals [kallai powder], koilo jaggery, navsar and khor which are put to boil in a tin within a ‘bhatti’ and cooled, then mixed with water and fermented in hidden areas often made in umra,bhatha and small villages around surat, this one is sold at rs.2.50 per glass and goes upto rs.10 .per ser on festive occasions.mostly consumed by the labourers and slum dwellers; it is lethal and triggers lung and intestine infection, along with severe throat inflammation.
2. Deshi-Narangi concocted from rotten fruits and hafeem with a few tablets of potent herbs thrown in the brew, the lower middle class buys it from Dumas, Bhimpore, Ved and Dhaboli.Available in small glass bottles at rs.10.
3. Tadi/Wine-In winters, the juice of ice-apple fruit is relished by early birds out for a walk but it is a well known fact that the ‘niro’ juice ferments and turns into intoxicating ‘tadi’ post midday! Surtis relish the niro and tadi as these are easily accessible and one of their favorite drinks .Surti women make wine at home during the grape season and store to savour it through the year.Grapes, whole wheat, yeast, de-chlorinated water and sugar are mashed and left to ferment in a sterilized ceramic bottle for 21 days. The prepared wine is then stored in glass bottles with cork lids. Shiraz, Chantilly, Chardonnay not withstanding, ‘Nothing more satisfactory than home made surti wine ‘, swear the housewives.Well what more can I add to that except, ‘Cheers! To the Surti “spirits”!’
LOVE AT THE FIRST FLIGHT…………………………………………………Upon trying to enter the newly paved drive way of the under construction premises, you
will be stopped by the guard at the gate and asked,’kidhar jaayengay?’ Before your driver or you have a chance to answer, he will continue,’Jaipur? Delhi? Ahmedabad? Calcutta?’ depending on whatever is the destination of the outgoing flight! Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Surat airport- your gateway to air connectivity. As you wade in, the two and at present only standing structures that meet the eye are the control tower and the terminal. Ample and organized parking space is available surrounded by yet to be developed barren land. With few flights functioning as of yet, most visitors hang around here for either receiving or seeing off relatives due to lack of public transport. Enter the canopy like entrance and you will hear lilting shenaii music to mark the auspicious occasion of the commencement of your journey……
Once you have scanned your luggage [hurrah! we have a proper detector now] you will get checked in within the next 10 minutes thanks to cordial and efficient staff. You are now ready to either wait in the cool, clean lounge [no refreshment counter or bookstore yet] or take the mini bus trip to your airplane. As is the case with most of our domestic airports, you board the flight through the ramp. Cross your heart for the trip ahead, most of the flights have locally trained and helpful staff. Food on board may not be exactly ‘smorgasbord’ but is arranged from the flight kitchen of your destination in case you feel like a bite during the short flight. You are now ready to zoom off the fresh tarmac while the pilots wait for the signal that no ball, bird or buffalo will hinder the take off……Au revoir!……….
If you happen to travel within the U.S. of A, the view from an aircraft is mostly that of concrete jungles, Dubai offers desert heat and dust while Singapore and the Far East will make you feel you are landing on the sea! Most of our Indian Metros have sad slums or industrial waste dumps as the view available. The minute you look out of your flight from Surat, you are immediately smitten by the city’s beauty! The flight route during take off as well as landing is more like a Surat darshan tour. The green stretch ends into the vast Arabian Sea then you turn around and re enter the foliage from way above. Flying over the flyover town is like looking down at heaven, the glistening Tapti as she gently curves with familiar monuments and gardens on either bank, the grand Swaminarayan temple, the artistic dome of the Indoor Stadium, the bridges that connect us both over road and water, the Gaurav Path. The clean, green Surat with its organized urban planning mesmerizes you into love at the first flight. One cannot but help feel proud of the bird’s eye view of our city as it disappears into surreal existence and melts away beneath the clouds .Then, remerges in all its splendour of a buzzing jet set town. You inadvertently leave and enter the town with a smile.
The rattling Vayudoot flights of the 70’s and 80’s that left us jittery are a thing of the past, this new improved airport avatar is our ticket to emotional, physical and financial connectivity. Once famous for our port, in future; we just might be so for our airport .Surat’s airport might not be as busy as New York, as well connected as Paris, as desirable as London’s Heathrow but we do now have a passage to help us get there faster and how! After all, from up there, Surat does look very khubsurat and of course,
’Saare Jahaan Se Achha!’

swally suvali surat

SUVALI SHORE’S SWALLY SECRETS……….
As the winter Sun beckons us Surtis to bask in it for a picnic, more often than not, suburbanites head towards Suvali beach that lies12 kms.NorthWest; Famous for its privacy and infamous for its treacherous tides, here many a young soul has lost its life. Deep down, a number of secrets lie buried below the sands. There is a lot more than meets the eye on this now barren land………………
In the pages of Indian and British history, ‘Swally’ as the Brits called it in their anglicized way, was the port where the English ships docked to enter and depart Surat .Since the Tapti was heavily silted at times and busy with the Portuguese ships ,this shore made easy entry point even in times of low tide. So deep are the waters off –shore this area that it was possible to embark even the heavy tonnage ships here. Little wonder then, that till this date a number of people enjoying on the edge of the beach are caught completely unawares when the tide comes in inundating the otherwise dry area and makes it absolutely impossible for anyone to swim back to the shore.
Few people know that Suvali is also the birthplace of the Indian Navy. Surprised, are you? Well here is the low down on it-In 1612, Captain Thomas Best encountered and defeated the Portuguese in the Battle of Swally.This marked the end of the Portugal commercial trade in India and the beginning of British ascent .To protect the port from further such encounters with pirates and intruders The English maintained a small fighting fleet from 5th September that year onwards .Named The Honourable East India Company’s Marine, the officers of which went on to play an important role in surveying and protecting the Arabian, Persian and Indian coastlines and later functioned from Bombay. Then onwards, any ship embarking this shore would have to pay tax to the Company to do so.
Below the now silted shores lie a field of bones in what used to be the graveyard of Swally.Historians believe that the eccentric English author ,polyglot and traveller Thomas Coryate ,whose travel book ‘Coryat’s Crudities’ was a rage in that age lies buried here. A comedian at heart, he was known for his humorous way of writing about his courageous travels around the Globe. Known as the ‘English Fakir’ in Surat, his tomb was constructed in Mohammedan style with a 20 feet high edifice over it.
One of India’s oldest lighthouses, the Hazira light, previously known as the Taptee/Suvali light also shares the Suvali shore further down. Humbly built with masts and fire logs initially, the tower built thereafter was completely destroyed by a fire from its petromax apparatus in 1836. Since then it has been upgraded often with lights from different parts of the world and now stands proudly with state of the art equipment and a metal halide lamp.
Thus, the silent Suvali shores share secrets in galore. So the next time you visit this now vacant shore, try and envisage what Suvali must have looked like in its busy days of yore.