Wednesday, April 29, 2009

V-DAY WOOING.............
Now that the P.M and C.M. are done with their ‘flying visits’ in and out of Tapi town, it’s time to rejoice! All protocol and security measures from Surti streets have been called off. If you have missed out on ‘Dhrujela ni dabeli’ at Parle Point and ‘Mahalaxmi dal wada ‘at Kotsafil road these past few days, fret not. Surti lahriwalas [who get a sniff of incoming delegates 24 hours before we do and have to vamoose] have hit the streets once more.
In a last minute bid to woo the voters for upcoming V-day and attempt mudslinging at their opposition, the potential future faces of the country’s leadership, have given public speaking in Surat a shot .While shoe slinging has become a trend of protest, it is being speculated in Surti political circles, that it may also lead security to make crowds that have come to take a ‘dekko’ at their neta to attend barefoot, in future.
Manmhohanji addressed the hapless yet hopeful diamond workers in a gathering, the magnitude of which has surprised and scared the opposition. Modi in the meantime gave it a go at pleasing the Rana community lest they bear a grudge for BJP’S last minute ditch to Kashiram; despite Rana’s past win- win record.
While Manmhohanji had an entourage of a 32 car cavalcade that spoilt Surti Sunday moods with endless traffic jams at all main and cross roads, Namo’s late arrival at Golwaad on Monday kept the Kotsafil main road off access through the day and caused traffic delay on all other main roads till late hours of the evening. Aam janta cribbed at the discomfort caused by the political head honchos ‘public wooing effort.
There is a certain discomfort amongst punters and pundits regarding this year’s elections.Everyday, new and last minute stories seem to be tipping the scales one way or the other. In no other profession does life take a much more sudden and dramatic turn than it does in politics. Even Bo, at the White House who made it to worldwide headlines overnight will bow-wow in agreement.
Film stars too have joined in the awareness campaign of ‘finger pointing’, this time around; most Surtis are set to administer their right and democratic duty. Armed with their voter’s i.d.card, they have found their names in the electoral toll and the poll booths they need to line up at. Surtis are looking forward to getting the all important tell tale black mark on their index finger ,collect their papers and go behind the curtains to press the button in front of their candidate’s emblem.
What remains to be seen now, is whom do the Surtis see when they shut their eyes within that private place and vote, whether it’s the lotus of success, hand of friendship or engine of progress, remains to be a much speculated mystery, this election of 2009.

Monday, April 27, 2009

BLASTS FROM THE PAST
In an age where change is the only constant, it’s a season of shifts. The IPL’s shift to South Africa is not the only change in T20 that has turned out to be one big surprise package, its miserable start and consequent matches have upset the apple cart of all trade pundits and punters not to mention starry team owners as well.
Even as the usual favourites and past winners are yet to put up a score up there, it’s the oldies that are making everyone sit up and watch what was otherwise turning out to be a damp squib ,literally.
The Sultans of swing and spin have been Matthew Hayden and Anil Kumble, both deservedly earning the orange and purple caps, respectively to separate the best from the rest.
The prince of Kolkata who is king no more -Dada and the wall Dravid have given a lesson or two to the young guns that have separated the boys from men; not to forget Gilchrist who has left even the Aussies wondering if he retired a tad too soon and the presence of iconic Tendulkar that has raised the spirits of his team tenfold.
If there is anything that can give the IPL 2009 hope of reviving its poor TRP and bringing back the lost charm to some extent, it seems the entire burden lies on the shoulders of the golden oldies.
Back in India, the biggest gamble for the 15th Loksabha elections is on, predictions are abound as to who will be the next PM.In a battle that has now waged into ‘young and old’ politicians and parties, it seems the ‘build young India’ agenda suddenly seems to be high on everyone’s to-do manifesto list, which otherwise generally had old wine in a new bottle.
Old favourites are out and leading political parties have younger blood posing as their poster boys. Young voters are wooed via blogs, sms and websites. The youngistaanis are euphoric and excited about their individual importance as they are set to vote for a better future.
But ,with a dearth of young blood on the scene, there is not much for them to choose from and looks like it will a blast from the past [a.k.a. a golden oldie] scoring once more, for India’s political league as well.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

SURTI POLL KHOLL................
Poll fever is on full swing in Tapi town and wherever one goes, its the power game of politics all around. So, keeping in mind democracy, here are some Surti whispers overheard ,which are, ‘of, by and for’ the people of Surat-
‘Do you know who is writing Sonia’s speeches? And she forgot which one to use where!’
‘So what? Do you remember Namo’s speech at Sparkle? All he talked about was being a visionary and the progress of Gujarat, that too in Hindi! I mean did he forget that he was here to address the Saurashtrians about recession in the diamond trade!’
‘The Congress has ignored all other favourites this year and gone back to diamond baron Dhirubahi Gajera, their way to show their support for the diamond workers.’
‘Where is Mr.Kashiram Rana these days? I hear Mr.Modi is to address the Rana community at Golwaad. You think he will speak in the local language this time around? ’
‘They have chosen Darshanaben this year, there are rumours rife about how Mr.Modi went with his list of 28 candidates and insisted on them. My tandoori non-veg guy has a rickshaw that propagates for her, poster, flag and all.’
‘I wonder if we will have a lady candidate with the chutzpah of Ms Mallika. She seems to be having so much fun, singing and dancing her way through work, into the hearts of the janta,no speeches”
‘Who Sherawat? Wow! she into politics?’
‘No silly, dirty mind! It’s Mallika Sarabhai, the elegant danseuse from Ahmedabad, the cleanest candidate in Gujarat, she is.’
‘Oh yes! She is contesting the same seat as Advani-P.M. in waiting- is standing for.’
‘But why is L.K.ji contesting from Gujarat? That would be a foreign hand in local constituency.’
‘Who Soniaji?’No? Oh o.k. L.K? Now I get it! So, that means the next P.M might as well be from Gujarat, huh?’
‘Yes! Sigh! But I so wish we would get to see more of Rahul back here. I love his dimpled smile’
‘Now ,no need to wonder who is writing his speeches. All he has to do is smile and say which villages he visited and where he had a cuppa tea and the public goes ga ga clapping.’
‘He and Namo get equal fan following. There are bets already about,’ who would be P.M .2014?’
‘Here is to the poster boys, Namo and Rahul, the two names that have been mentioned the most during these elections.’
‘And why not? They are the changing face of Indian politics, the young tarangs of youngistaanis.’
‘The youth is geared up to vote with enthusiasm. They want to see one of their own in politics.’
‘The youngest candidate from Surat then, is Suresh Chotalia.’
‘Who is that?’
‘He is an independent candidate, a jobless diamond worker; working for the benefit of his community. He is propagating his campaign on a cycle.’
‘I wonder who will be writing his speeches.’
‘Oh! He does not need to write any, he simply talks his mind. I hear what he says is similar dialogues from a recent movie, a reel life story about real life stories.’
‘Really? Which movie is that?’
It’s a Surti film with a social message, ‘Havey maarey heera nathi ghasva.’
Tapi town tattle-What will Surti ministers need to be told at the swearing in ceremony? The meaning of swearing.
TREATS TO BEAT SURTI SUMMER HEAT...............
The heat is on in Tapi town. It’s not only just polls and politics that are adding to it but also the Fibre to fabric fair that displayed hot and happening Surti products. Lalas braved the summer heat to proudly showcase Surti talent that none other can beat.
Even as Torrent power has promised not to torment; the Sun god seems in no mood to cool down for the moment. So, here are a few fun ways to beat the heat. Take your pick to cool down this week-

1. Leave for Saputara and spend a week within the clouds.

2. Sip lassi at Gokulam in Adarsh society or Raja lassi at Galemandi.

3. Join a swimming course at any of the private clubs or municipal schools.

4. Wear cotton tank tops, ganji, mulmul jhabhlas bought from Surti streets and make them look fashionable.

5. Those with permits drink chilled beer those without sip on Sosyo.

6. Spend your afternoons watching movies in cool multiplexes.

7. Eat chilled, cold gulkand filled paan at Parle Point or Citylight paan shops.

8. Put up natural fibre mats on your windows and splash them with water. [Even makes A.C.more effective]

9. Fill a tub with cool water, add gulab jal from Hakim Chichi, rose petals from Ambaji temple flower shop and relax.

10. Have a salad lunch at a suburban restaurant.

11. Buy baby powder or Hula Hula from stores around town and splash it on 4 times a day.

12. Read a book and sip iced tea through the afternoon in the T3 lounge at Taj.

13. Relish juicy succulent watermelon titbits under tents set up at Ghodod road, Chowpatty or Bhagal crossroads.

14. Visit the circus and enjoy ice skating within the A.C dome.

15. Go for a walk under the shady green tree tunnel at Police parade ground road.
16. Order in matkis of chilled Rosogullas and mishti doi from Muditas.
17. Apply a thin layer of Vicks vapour rub on face and neck [avoid eyes] splash off with cool water.
18. Nibble on kesar malai kulfis from Agra or Shiv Shakti sweets.
19. Buy a water spray from plastic ware shops in Chautapul and use it as an atomizer.
20. Shop for soft cotton from Hafiz brothers and Tata fabrics and design your own fancy yet comfy kurta –lungi-jammy nightwear.
21. Gorge on Surti sancha ice cream from Sampoorna in Divya Kanti or various Janta outlets.
22. Visit the river bank in the evening and hitch a ferry ride at dusk time.
23. Enjoy chuskis of ice goals from kiosks around town in multi flavours of kachi Keri and kala khatta.
24. Visit A.C. and refrigerator showrooms enjoy the chill [since they are already on] without feeling guilty of not being eco friendly.
25. Hydrate with Soda shiquanji, sherdi ras and mango milkshakes at roadside kiosks.
Think positive and take a chill pill, because, the hotter it gets, the sooner we will have Surti showers.
Tapi town tattle –What has Vijay Mallya nicknamed his most expensive IPL player? ‘Paisa vasool Pietersen.’
SUMMERTIME TREATS FOR TAPI TOWN TODDLERS.................
Hello mommies and daddies! Summer is here full swing and I bet you all have a hundred ideas up your sleeve for your little ones .There will be nineteen to the dozen activity classes available for your pre schoolers to attend.
Surti parents believe that their babies have the unbelievable power and capacity to learn any and everything before their age and time .Hence prenursery kids attend ‘tuition’ for learning stuff.
Truth is, the poor little rich kids are just looking for a place to be themselves. They are tired of nose wax moulding lessons from their maids, foul language classes from their drivers, amidst other creative activities .So; here are a few places that you can take your cherubic charmer around in our town, to improve their motor skills and spend moments of joy with your precious ones.
TRAFFIC PARK-Easily the safest place for your little love to safely ride a tricycle, bycycle with ease and learn a thing or two about traffic rules as well. With a cute little statue of a traffic policeman to welcome you, the cycles available there are nothing to write home about but the good news is that you are allowed to carry your own. Built like a little Noddy Toyland with bridges, bus stops, blinking traffic signals, amongst greenery, it is one place where toddlers and teens can enjoy the freedom of riding. A huge sign board displays and explains road traffic signs that we Surtis definitely need to learn.
SARTHANA ZOO-Alright before you twitch that nose, let me tell you the animals here are no less a visual treat than the ones at the Singapore zoo. We could do with a better bus to take us around and more shady places to relax in, but the friendly animals more than make up for the lack of facilities. Take a map from the office and do a jungle trail with your toddler. The otters here are the friendliest and put up a sweet show. The leopards, lions are majestic, the bears and birds a visual treat as are the deers and antelopes. While at the zoo, do make it a point to visit the butterfly park. Although we do not have many species in there yet, the cooling waterfall and beautiful, colourful foliage is worth a visit.
AQUAIRIUMS-Agreed we do not have one yet.But, there are shops that sell fishes and aquariums all around town.Piplod, Old Umra, Ghodod road, Chowk bazaar, all have a multicoloured collection of swishy delights .Let the young ones watch in wonder as they learn colours, movement and rhythm from their underwater freinds.Teach them about fish food and take a gold fish or two back home for them to care for.
Whether it’s the play pen at Iskcon mall, sand castles at Dumas opposite the Universal Mother statue, playing catch while watching squirrels at Udyaan, Chowpatty, take your toddler out in the sunshine this summer for freedom and fun under the Sun.
Tapi Town Tattle- Which song are all Netas singing for this election? ’Abhi toh mein jawaan hoon!’

Monday, April 6, 2009

SIGHTS FOR SORE SURTI EYES....................
Two Mumbaikars recently shot to ’15 minutes of fame’ as moral police, by lodging a complaint of obscenity against Akshay Kumar, for his indecent proposal in public, to his wife Twinkle Khanna at a recent fashion week.
Surtis of course are least bothered .This so called’bhibhast vartan’ is no big deal to Surtis who are used to couples in love displaying affection on the roadside at Piplod bylanes, Police lines and Athwa lines during the daytime as well as evenings.
In the 80’s, places where couples could meet and enjoy a good scenic view of the Tapti were called ‘the spot’.
Now, there are other spots in Tapi town that have become ‘the places’ for viewing ‘eye candy. ‘Dudes’ hang around doing nothing important in particular, to have a ‘dekko’ at the most good looking women in Surat.
Whether they are young girls, yummy mummies or elegant aunties, here is a guide to their hangouts according to their type-
Sporty –7 .a.m to 10.a.m Many Surti guys hang around at the various gyms in town, trying to pretend they are gearing up for the Mr. Universe competition as they lift a dumbell or two; while they check out health conscious women heaving it out at the hot and sweaty aerobics activity in knitted track pants and cute tees in the gym mirrors.
Shopoholic-10 to 1 p.m is the time when every fashionista worth her fancy gear is on a spree at exhibitions in town or at the mall. These are the regular shoppers who appreciate ‘something new’ on a daily basis and turn small shops into a ramp walker’s paradise as they try out various styles. Boyfriends and husbands often offer to accompany their better halves, for a better view.
Kitty Queens-1 p.m to 4 p.m - restaurants in town are abuzz with the aunty crowd, as they order away and share girlie gossip and gold goodies. Aunties that attend kitties in Surat are dressed to the T.The richer and more powerful they are, the better the restaurant will be. The air is scented with fragrances and food aromas. Men try and arrange ‘business lunches’ at the best joints to ogle at more than the menu.
Culture Clubbers- 4.p.m. to 10p.m –Due to ‘dearth-e-disco’ in town, coffee shops, multiplexes and club premises are places where women of all age groups are found catching up over cappuccino or a recent flick. Dressed in Low waist jeans, chiffon sarees, denim skirts, flowing salwar kameez that mingle in harmony and giggling, as they check back the crowd that’s ‘checking them out.’ Men and boys hang around darting looks at leisure since the risk factor here is minimal.
In short, it does not matter whatever time of day or night, whichever place that you go to in Surat, chances are, that you will surely run into someone who is khubsoorat.
TAPI TOWN TATTLE-According to some people, after being awarded the Padma Shree award, Akshay Kumar should now be awarded the ‘Badmaash shree’ award.