SOS= SPIRIT OF SURAT...................
We live in these times, where ‘fear factor’ is not just a daring reality show with Akshay kumar and 13 beauties but also a way of life for us. These days, humans protect places of worship to God. After innocent Ahmedabadis bore the brunt of some of the worst terror attacks the country has ever experienced, it seems Surat was supposed to be next in line when the faceless cowards planned city,city,bang!bang! Or was it? As speculation along with innumerable rumours surround us it seems as though nothing can shock us Surtis anymore. It is not as if we treat death or issues related to it as frivolous, but fact remains that our aam janta is handling this matter quiet casually.
Surat’s favourite new reality show on t.v. is the live coverage of the discovery and defusing of non functioning live bombs. Found around prime crowded areas, within Tapi town. In these days of high alert, it seems the Surtis have proved to be more alert than the governing bodies. Almost all the explosive material has been discovered by Surtis .As if that was not enough; a couple of Surtis calmly carried these bombs and left them in the middle of the road or near a police station for further investigation! Thank God for small mercies, the bombs turned out to be ‘sursuriyas’ [kaput crackers].
The bomb defusing ceremony seems to have turned into a circus of sorts. Once the lime green packet is found [all so far in same colour], 25 and counting, the press reaches there and hoards of people gather around taking personal videos on their mobiles. Then, after the Surtis discuss how the bomb was discovered; the Surti bomb squad-our brave gang of 4 arrives on the scene. Do note that at present we have just one protective bodysuit between these brave men. So, one of them wears the gear but not the helmet [too heavy and claustrophobic] whilst the others assist in plain clothes and bare hands.
The bombs are then picked up, dissected and defused. All this is witnessed by hundreds of people from close distance as they cheer and capture the moment in their mobiles. The bomb squad is made to pose for pictures, holding the dissected paraphernalia. What is it that makes this team so brave? How on earth do they show the courage to defuse live bombs so casually? Are they not worried because these bombs are low impact ones? Also, most Surtis are treating the matter as an entertainment event. One does hope that in the coming days, some adventurous youngster does not try to ape this act! The public probably think this is a piece of cake to handle. Let’s not forget that the bomb in adajan garden that blew up on 25th of May this year might have been a trial run.
On the business front, Surtis who earn from Rs. 50 to the ones that earn RS.50, 000 daily are complaining that business has seen bad days and will further suffer if they stay indoors, so in spite fear in their hearts; they are trying to resume a normal worklife, even if it is for a limited time period. As far as their personal lives are concerned, some are thinking of taking a holiday and yet others are finding means to entertain themselves indoors with card parties, watching movies in their home theatres or organising parties at private farms. The Surat standard time for socialising now begins at 8p.m instead of 10 p.m.

The lesson that Surtis have learnt in the past five days are-
1. Everybody now knows who the mayor is and what he looks like.
2. The administration is, as clueless as we are.
3. Cautious Surtis are the sole reason that our city has been safe so far.
4. The new colour for danger is lime green not red.
5.’There is no need to fear’, our C.M.has bravely stated this advice .
SOS-The signal used as a sign for save our souls in times for distress, stands for ‘sursuriyas of surat’ it also stands for ‘Spirit of Surat’ and that dearies is what keeps us ticking.

DAY TAALI! SURTI SWING IS KING………………
Is it just me or are the Surtis swinging as they walk these days? Methinks the reason behind their graceful gait might very much be the fact that garba classes have commenced .All around Tapi town, from varachha to piplod, citylight to ghodod, parle point to choriyasi dairy road; Bachey, budhey and jawan Surtis are giving it a go to learn dodhiyu in these times of dearth e disco. Its legal dating for the young lovers, de stressing for the elders and skill attaining for the kids. Also for a tuppence of an amount, you get to work out for three months and lose weight as you joyfully dancercise to jhankaar beats.

I know dearies that the nine nights of Navratri are still a couple of months away but what on earth can hold back us fun loving Surtis? The festival is a season of brisk business for many. Enthusiastic Surtis prepare for the same, way in advance. First there are these garba classes, then there are the garba dresses on which unlimited time and moolah are spent .Designing for this season’s Navratri wear has already started full swing, in the backlanes of Maniyara Sheri from where the most popular creations come forth. The trend this year in garba gear is sure to be a cosplay of films like Jodha Akbar. Gota borders will add glitter and glam to skimpy cholis, flowing ghaghras and dhoti- kediyas.Surtis love dressing up and partying and what better way other than this - an entire trimester of Fashion, fun and dance to enjoy and celebrate.

In the 50’sand 60’s, temples and sheris were the only place where Navratri was celebrated. It’s a trend that’s fondly carried on till this date where single, double and triple clap garbas are performed to devotional songs sung in praise of Durga Ma’s nine incarnations. The women folk then started performing arvachin [modern] and prachin [ancient] style of ethnic garbas in mahila mandals. Also, municipal schools held garba competitions on the day of Sharad poonam which later were performed at Surat’s famous amphitheatre-Rangupvan.The 70’s and 80’s saw a more modern trend with dandiya and’ disco dandiya’ coming to age where both women and men dancing to frenzy on filmy music celebrated Navratri in freestyle at community halls or rented grounds. By the mid 80’s, visiting Ahmedabadi’s showed a new way of swirling to us Surtis, that was when the dodhiyu first came to town full fledge ……
This fancy new style became a rage as Surtis swung in, out and all around to get the dodhiyu right. As if the steps were not complicated enough, the hands too were to be twisted and turned without climaxing into a taali [clap]! That of course was just the beginning I mean the 6 and 8 step dodhiyu is just a base for fuddy duddies these days. Surti dodhiyu today has more ingredients in it than Surti undhiyu! We are into the 36 and 42 and still counting, steps these days; with prance fervour enough to put peacocks and butterflies to shame! In actions that make you forget whether you are going to or fro, the dodhiyu drill puts your head in a dizzy spell for sure. No wonder one needs to practice from right now if, in the garba season, one wants to part of the performing crowd.

Most of the classes are run by talented youngsters; they all begin with a small prayer and offerings to goddess Amba, who resides in the centre of the swirling human circle. Dodhiyu these days is performed to popular numbers from films and Falguni Pathak’s garba hits. In case you plan to join one, here are some tips-
Find one which is well ventilated and close to your home.
Stick surgical medi tape to protect your toes [footwear not allowed]
Carry a bottle of water or lemonade to replenish.
Wet tissues are a great idea in these humid days.
Wear stretchy, comfy, cotton clothes.
So go for it Surti, put your hands together and de taali to day time taali! Since the 9 nights of passion are still miles away; hang loose and let the dodhiyu dhamaal make you sway.

BEST BAKED SURTI BISCOTTIS ………….
India has proudly produced a record 76.78 million tonnes of wheat in the year 2007-2008.In the wake of which we will not need to import wheat from foreign shores this year, unlike the past two. There was a time in the bygone era when our country always had a surplus of wheat. François Bernier, the famous French physician to Aurangzeb wrote in his book of travels in the 17th century that India had enough wheat to feed chapattis and naans to the entire nation as well as a surplus to make cheap sea biscuits to feed the English, Dutch and Portuguese sailors. In the 19th century, ‘Hindu biscuits’[they were made without using egg white as glace or animal shortening] an Indian version were prepared in desi tandoors and were a much cheaper option than the expensive imported tins of biscuits by Huntley and Palmers.

The earliest history available on baking in Tapi town is that of the Dutch factory bakery. The building that till recent times functioned as our General Post Office, situated opposite the Dutch gardens was originally a Dutch factory. During those times 5 Parsi gentlemen were appointed by the Dutch to knead bread dough for their bakery since Surat did not locally produce commercial bread then. Upon leaving India, the Dutch left their ovens to one Mr.Faramji Dotivala; who then provided bread loaves to the remaining Colonial community in town. After the English left, since bread was looked upon as Christian food, it had few takers and thus the stale bread often dried up .Since it was fermented with toddy, it did not catch fungus but lost all moisture and turned hard. This stale bread found its way to the poor who relished it and found it easily digestible as well. So the bread buns were made smaller and specially dried to be sold as biscuits. It is said that doctors often recommended these as convalescent food to patients.

Later a richer version of the same was introduced by adding ghee to the dried buns and thus the Irani [sadi] and Batasa [makhania] biscuits originated in Surat.Also, the Surti sweetmeat-‘dul ‘made with the plain flour,semolina, flavoured with nutmeg and cardamom was oven baked and the ‘nankhatai’ was invented. Surat’s oldest bakers are the Parsis with their pioneer-Dotivala followed by Saher,Mazda and Khurshed bakeries. Till date these are most popular and sell off freshly baked products between dawn to dusk.

Other bakeries came in much later selling prepacked snacks and fancy iced pastries along with local goods. The Rudarpura area has a Sheri named dahifalia which is now known as the’ bakery moholla’ since most homes here have a ‘bhatti’ running that produces various baked products for the outlets of The New India bakery. Aptly named since it began post Independence in town, its shops are all around from Zhampabazar to Adajan, Bhagal to Parle Point. Surprisingly, the entire Sheri uses the same name for separately owned outlets!

The puff biscuit -‘khari’or ‘padvali’ as it is called was so named because of the layers that it consists of. It is available in various versions of pepper, jam, fenugreek etc along with its most popular plain avatar.Ginger, sesame, cashew, jowar, cocoa, coconut, pepper along with various flavours and essences have all found their way within our baker’s dough and we have infinite local biscuits to choose from. The yeast used for baking is now a derivative of hops and potatoes since post Independence use of toddy has been banned due to its alcoholic nature.

Our local biscuits are hot sellers right from roadside teastalls to the aromatic bakery shops. Whether it’s Shrewsbury or wine cakes, cashew nut macaroons or vegetable puffs, vanilla twists or ravakopra mix, all are available to us Surtis.Even though most bakery products are similar; they differ in taste according to the wheat flour, fat and finish used in preparing them so ,Surti homes have their own favourite bakeries. Visitors to Surat often carry back Padvali, Batasa and Nankhatai neatly packed in cardboard boxes because the original Surti swad of the same is matched by none other in the nation.
So dear surti, before you call out for that second cuppa morning chai, make sure you call in for a fresh batch of warm, local biscuits from down the road. The best way to enjoy them is to dip and nip.After all desi biscuits should be relished in a desi way, what say?

SURTI NAMESAKES; THE STORIES WITHIN…………..
‘Whats in a name?’ asked Shakespeare’s Juliet,’ That which we call a rose, by any other would smell as sweet.’ Who better than us Surtis would understand these lines? After all, our Gulab ben from down the lane goes to America and literally turns into Ms Rose [though am not too sure about the fragrance bit]. While the country’s hottie, miss .Shetty considered it infra dig to be called out by an ill pronounced name and made big bucks on’ Big brother’ in the bargain; most Surti NRI’S are ever ready to turn their names around. So, Rambhai becomes Raymon, Tarun turns to Tom and Sulbha is Sue making it all the more smoother for business, communication and dreams in uncle Sam’s land come true. Inspite of not being as tongue twisting as Czechoslovakian names, surnames too, get baptized from,’ thakker to tucker ‘,’bharucha to brooch’ so on.

These days, its not just email that requires this task of converting your name into a fancy i.d; in fact if you have noticed, a lot of our local crowd has started naming their kiddos with phoren names which are called out with desi surnames. Other than being inspired from English serials and movies, Greek dictionaries and Italian recepies to name the apples of their eye, some Surtis also name their off springs with ‘exclusive ‘names so that they are unique like ,’zill’,’fenil’,chiluka’,’kauli’etc.Of course, since commoners do not dare to use the same, its mission accomplished for the innovative familial trait. The Ghachi community in Surat was long ago nicknamed German because more often than not, they would call their children by German names.

Getting back to name changing, in the days of yore, while most of their friends were named after gods, precious metals and nature, a lot of Surti babies were unfortunately named ‘kachra’aur ‘bhikno’ due to superstitions, if they kept falling ill.Then, if some misfortune were to befall the family or some action out of the ordinary was followed, it would turn into a surname changing event! The entire clan would carry funny and unattractive surnames [read profane and poppycock] to ward off the evil eye. One such example is the surname ‘G…ghavalia’ that once existed in Surat, which, interpreted to the politest form in English reads…… Err,’ rear back scratchers!’ Fortunately for the grandchildren, better sense prevailed in the previous generation who opted for a more decent switch rather than using the one with an itch, after having gone through the grind of announcing the same with a hitch. Jherpidhara, Bhenchoi#a, Pavli, Tikko too, have been understandably discarded. Whilst Motidoomwala, Bhesnapadiyawala still survive.

As is the case and culture with most generations of Indians, we Surtis too, carry the surnames that were passed down by our ancestors. So named due to the business they were in, to culturally express and define who they were rather than stating religion or caste unlike other Indians- Jariwala, Doodhwala, Darji, Gajjar, Vakharia, Kadiwala, Reshamwala, Kapadia, Kaanchwala, Daruwala; the list is endless. The Parsis on the other hand, preferred to be known by the hometowns and villages they had settled in hence the surnames Dumasia, Balsara, Billimoria, Anklesaria, Pardiwala, Amroliwala, Udvadia...

During the 16th and 17th century in Surat, most neighborhoods within the inner city and outer city were named after the individuals or clans that then resided there. Gopipura, Haripura, Rustompura, Sonifalia, Nanavat, Golwaad, Timalyawad are some such areas that thus came into being. Our city also has some uniquely named areas like, ‘paani ni bheet’,’rani talav’,’machhlipit’ ’ruwala no tekro’ -meaning cotton mountain where mattresses were once traded,’chakkapir’,’hodi bunglow’,’ravan no taad’ -named after a monstrous tree’,’makkai pul’ -which actually was the bridge from which the Hajjis going to Mecca would board their ships and many more such, which do not make sense now but have a story behind their existence.

Forget just the denizens and destinations; in fact, Tapi town itself has had numerous names down the ages. From Suryapuri [since the Tapti is Suryaputri, the Sun god’s daughter] to Suraj, to Surata to Surat, we have come a long way. So, watch out world, before you ask us,’tera naam kyaa hai, Surti?’You never know what we may have in store because in lalaland [or is it ‘walaland’?] we have namesakes galore!

SURTIS –AN AAM JANTA………..
Will Hillary rise to emerge over Obama? Will Shoaib Akhtar procure NOC from the other side of the LOC? Will the lawyers of lalaland get justice? None of these questions were bothering the aam aadmis of Surat over the weekend. All that we were worried about was whether or not the weather would wither our tropical treat. April showers are after all disastrous for May flowers. As if the Arab attack on mangoes was not enough to delay the arrival of our gastronomic delight!

Raised on fun, freedom and food, Surtis prefer pure breed over hybrid. Earliest childhood memories for majority of us therefore, include,’ the mango hoarding sessions ‘practiced by our grandparents. Most rooms in the house would be converted into larders, strewn with gunny bags where the king of fruit would preside, crowned with hay. On a daily basis, the precious potassium rich procurements would be sniffed, segregated and savoured with great passion. What would begin with a tender fresh aroma of the juicy, summer fruit; would turn into a full, robust fragrance around the house as the treasure switched colours deep as jewels-emerald green to ruby red to gold.

Even as Spanish chefs ‘spherify’ mango juice with hydrocolloids to make it look like caviar for avant garde cuisine, Surat is one place where mangoes are prepared in varied desi versions. Sliced, diced or spiced, we Surtis love this one right to the core.
Picked as early as its budding stage,’morva’ for fresh dry salad pickle by tossing it in a fenugreek-chilli mixture and ‘panechi’, made with water, salt and turmeric. Kagda Keri is popularly used for sweet and spicy chutney as well as ‘chunda and murabbas’ that make cool consumption in hot summers. Raw Rajapuris are pickled [methiya Keri, gol Keri, etc.] to be savoured with Surti food around the year. Its strips and seeds are Sun-dried to be powdered for tangy Amchur and masala gutlis.

In our city where food and fruit is looked upon as a status symbol, the supreme Ratnagiri Alfanso rules the roost followed by the Valsad haphoos. With mercury rising, arrive the aces of aam ras-Rajahpuri, Kesar, and Pairi.Surti households concoct their own combination of these to produce a lip smacking variety of mango pulp that is savoured with 7 padi rotli, puris or the Surti exclusive-Khaja .Some lace the juice with ghee, salt and cumin powder before relishing it others use Mango seeds, ‘gotlas’ to cook a spicy curry called’ fajeto’ to be savoured with rice.Dussheri, Chausa, Safeda, Popat, Mulgubbo and Karanj Keri trail into town later, spreading sweetness. Last but not least Neelam and Langdo tag along, to offer the gourmets a final delight. As distinct as each mango is in its flavour, Surtis sure know how to maximize its use.
The migrants have brought in recepies like;’aam panna,’and ‘aam ki lunji’ which have found instant fan following in our town. Crave-a-licious mango desserts- shrikhand, shakes and sorbets are prepared at home and roadside kiosks. Bitter gourd, Alocacia leaves, Idla and Salang Ni daal are frequent team members of the surti mango meal. Special ras-puri, ghosh-puri dinners are hosted during this season.

Surtis easily succumb to their taste buds. In spite of not actually being a local produce, Mangoes rule Surti hearts more than any other food. Little wonder then, that the royal Mango, is the King of fruits and we Surtis are the loyal –‘Aam’ Janta.

PENNING CHAUTAPUL’S CHALK DE! CHAPTER…….
The world famous, perennially snow capped, highest mountain of the Alps is shivering with fear of threatened existence. Not because of Global warming [at least for now] but because the Surtis are calling products named after it –Mount Blank! Jokes apart, it is nice to see that the finest writing instruments from Mont Blanc are now accessible in town. Thanks to the Mall mania, Lalas need not wait to visit Joon in New York, Smythson’s in London or Zaveri Bros. Mumbai for the same.

Among earliest Surti stationers were the vendors wandering around Chautapul ,selling chalks and slate pens; their descendents still do .In the 1950’s owning a Pratap pen was as good as it could get for Surti students.’ Swan’ was overpowered in prestige, only by ‘Brahmam’ a 14 carat gold nib, ink pen manufactured in Madras if you please. Being gifted a’ Reform ‘or ‘Tiku’ by visiting rich relatives would turn the event into the talk of the then small town. ‘Senator’ sustained the70’s. Ball point tip pens were then a big no-no for students since they were notorious to spoil handwriting. So when the Luxor micro tip pen was introduced to Tapi town in the early 80’s it was the biggest hit since Sholay!
Navin pen mart at Lalgate pioneered selling fancy pen ware. In absence of computers, account books and registers sold like hot cakes and selling stationery along with them, made Kagzi brothers at Limda Chowk, Popular book store Tower road, Modern in Sagrampura and Athwa General Store at Athwalines dream destinations for the same.

A visit to even the most modest of stationery shops in Surat these days has a different story to tell. As one enters, there is a grand welcome with an array of bouquets of multi coloured pens set row wise in jars. Some Surti stores tease and tempt offering limited and unlimited editions from Parker, Schaeffer, Caran’d ache, Pelikan, Cross pens. Lamy, Waterman, Cartier and Dupont now visit town on order.
Surti mommies upgrade their kid’s stuff on a monthly basis. The Alphabet eraser with a translucent green head has been bid adieu I notice, replaced by Big Mac and cricket kit replicas in the name of erasers. Steadler, Crayola, Faber Castell are household names now, for lead and colour options. The good old geometry set box is a goner too, now we have fancy cases with four compartments. Kids in town casually use files, punch machines and staplers from Korea, binders, sticker charts, 3-d scales from China, aromatic hand made paper from Jaipur. In times where Black boards have turned white, chalks and slate pens are the only ones that have retained their authentic colours and flavours swear the chalk munching junkies!
What disheartens one is the fact that when the world’s best instruments for writing are now easily available to us, penmanship unfortunately is dying an untimely death. Around the globe, both male and female prefer e-mails; lap tops have replaced letter pads.’ The Grid’ is set to become the future of text technology. Mobile Short Message Service causes Hara-kiri of the text, daily making Wren and Martin tremble. As we proceed towards a paperless phenomenon, stationery has become just that-stationary. Pens are pocketed as fashion, Paper is used for packaging and books are procured more as décor than for records. Though our budget for these has amazingly increased, our usage of the same has drastically decreased. Changing times have ‘nanonized’ our form of communication; let’s pray pen and paper will always be around. Hope, Chautapul’s ‘Chalk de!’Chapter never closes with a ‘chuck de!’ by the Generation next, of Tapi town.

P IS FOR PROFANITY……..SURTIS ‘SWEAR’ BY IT!
Towns all over our country are known for their distinct dialect and manner of speaking; the nawaabi andaaz of Lucknow’s tehzeeb, the sugar coated chatter of Calcutta, the respectful regal tone of Jaipur, in Gujarat itself there are a number of accents in which Ahmedabadi, Kathiyawadi etc. Gujarati is spoken. When it comes to our town though, the otherwise sweet sounding language takes an about turn.’shu che?’ becomes’ hu che?’ and ‘tamay aavo’ becomes ‘tu chal ni’.Other than being casual about the way they speak, Surtis are also most definitely well known for their profanity. I mean, I have yet to hear a social, business or casual conversation in town which does not include more than one #~*$#! Expletive word in every delivered dialogue!
The ‘it’ slang word does not exist in Surat because every slang word is part of a normal Surti conversation. While one wonders what mothers, sisters, fathers, brother-in laws and their body parts have got to do with conversations that neither involve them nor revolve around them; the average Surti would loose half his talk time in case he was forced to frame a sentence without profusely swearing!
Surat has a number of communities and sub castes of Gujaratis that dwell here. We have the Patels, Ghachis, Golas, Khatris, Vanias etc. Although they all speak differently, they are bound together by their profanity. No one raises a surprised brow at the most inaudible word spoken publicly.
Since it has always been a business community, education has never been that important to the average Surti. Family business has beckoned many a young soul to discontinue studies midway, irrespective of caste and creed. Grammar in Tapi town therefore is also one of the poorest in the state and pronunciations too go for ahem! A six!
In case the otherwise efficient Surti lala was asked to make a business deal come through without using his slang words, it would be a catch 22 situation for him! Every Surti sentence is incomplete until it is peppered with slang.
Surtis do not mean to swear at their friends and associates, in fact they use these with people they converse with on a day to day basis as terms of endearments!Surtis swear when they are in a good mood, smilingly and do so angrily when they are in a bad mood. So that means, if a Surti does not swear when in conversation, you do not feature in his close group of normal people and he is trying really hard to keep the talk straight!
Minding his ‘P’s and ‘Q’s would be torture for a Surti and he would rather answer in ‘yes’ or’ no’ than converse in situations that call for the same. Watching cricket, flying kites, eating out, chatting on the mobile, shopping, driving, in short every normal activity that a Surti does has to have a reaction that begins and ends with exclamatory remarks.
One thing is for certain, if there was ever a competition for original, innovative, maximum and widely used profanity world wide, Surtis would win hands down, no competition there sir, not even from the infamous down under-Australia.Surtis casually speak words that would make any human from out of town go drastically red in the face.

The other ‘P’word that Surtis are well known for is Promiscuous, but this is a newspaper with family readership and I most definitely am not getting into that explicit conversation, lest I get showered with spicy Surti slang of the profane kind!