British Punch: A Surti Concoction

BRITISH PUNCH: A SURTI CONCOCTION

You know from Eastern India came
The skill of making punch as did the name.
And as the name consists of letters five,
By five ingredients it is kept alive

It is a curious fact, not generally known, that Britain’s favourite alcoholic beverage – Punch, was stirred up in the English factory at Surat. The word itself is derived from the Hindustani word Palepunsche or Panch; meaning ‘five’ which were the number of ingredients that added up to prepare the spirit.

In an account of the English factors at Surat,in his book on ‘Early Records of the British Settlements in India’,J.Talsboy .Wheeler narrates how on Fridays ,after prayers, the President and a few friends met for the purpose of drinking to the health of their wives ,whom they had left in England.” Some made to their advantage of this meeting to get more than they could well carry away, though every man was at liberty to drink what he pleased, and to mix the arrack as he thought fit or to drink Palepuntz which is a drink consisting of aqua vitae,rose-water,juice of citrons, sugar and cinnamon.”

This recipe I give to thee,
Dear brother in the heat.
Take two of sour (lime let it be)
To one and a half of sweet,
Of old arrack pour three strong,
And add four parts of weak.
Then mix and drink. I do no wrong —
I know whereof I speak.

That the Brits found the heat and dust in India unbearable is no state secret. Besides, the locally available arrack was as traveler Bernier put it,” a drink very hot and penetrate, like the brandy made of corn in Poland.” Little wonder then, that diluting the arrack in the punch provided the high without heat to the English.” It (punch) acts as a drug, for, it cleanse the stomach, and dissipates the superfluous humours by a temperate heat particular to it.” wrote the traveler who highly approved of the decoction.

And if I get drunk, well, me money's me own
And them don't like me they can leave me alone
I'll chune me fiddle and I'll rosin me bow
And I'll be welcome wherever I go.


Another factor that made punch extremely popular was that it was affordable. As Philip Anderson states in,’The English in Western India’,”The soul of a feast which is good wine was to be found nowhere but in the Dutch and English factories. Usually imported from Shiraz or the Canaries it was available at six crowns a bottle.” On festive days, two common tables were laid out, one where the Governor and higher servants dined while the other was appointed to the English factors and writers, differing only in this, ’one had a great deal of punch and little wine and the other what wine you please, and a little punch” The finest arrack flowed in from Goa and Bengal and was best savored by diluting its strength in punch. During winter months, local toddy replaced arrack. Often, factors like Fryer carried brandy in a flask and diluted it with sherbets when invited to teetotaler dinners by the Surti moors.
What more diversion can a man desire?

Than to sit him down by an alehouse fire
Upon his knee a pretty wench
And upon the table a jug of punch


Tapi town was once tipple town and its taverns were popularly visited by English sailors. Anderson further writes,” Cases of poisoning were said to be frequent in these taverns. The rude manners of British seamen led them to use a freedom with the dark ladies. A rough kiss or an offensive piece of raillery would often result in the sailor paying penalty by his death. The black wench whose employment was to make that beloved mixture of arrack and punch would contrive in a subtle skillful manner to make the punch bowl fatal for the man who abused her, while his companions drank without the slightest injury to themselves.”

Punch was as popular with the Dutch as it was with the English. At Surat’s Dutch cemetery, there once existed a tomb with a huge punch bowl in stone on top. Made in the memory of a merry maker who wanted his friends to come drink and celebrate each time they visited his grave.

And when I'm dead and in my grave
No costly tombstone will I crave
Just lay me down in my native peat
With a jug of punch at my head and feet.

ORIGINAL SURTI OOMPH LA LA!

Original Surti Oomph La La!

Hollywood’s ultimate sweetheart Marilyn Monroe once observed,” The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn't any.”

Bollywood’s cleavage kumaris on the other hand, have a heavier load to carry; they work hard to bust myths that women who expose skin and a little more other intimate stuff, need not know how to act as well.

As women go ‘eeeyuw!’ in disgust and men drool oh la la in lust over Vidya Balan’s dirty pictures that have been in our faces since a month now, Surti Lalas are lamenting for a different reason altogether.

Ever since Lalas became aware that Balaji Film’s blasphemous yet famous upcoming flick has been ‘inspired’ by the late southern siren Silk Smitha, speculation has been rife in our man made textile markets as to how our Art silk nee Nylon Namithaa, would have been the best choice for the role, compared to Viscose Vidya.

Earlier this year, I had interviewed Vidya and she had opened her heart sharing girlie secrets saying,” Deep down I am actually just a simple Tam –Brahm girl who loves collecting jhumkis, removes her ayurvedic kaajal with desi ghee and lounges about in comfy Juicy Couture track pants when not shooting cinema, there is nothing over ambitious about me. ”

Consider this, an actor who had worked with Silk in the past pointed out to TOI that,"Vidya lacks oomph and looks nothing like Silk. Her physical attributes don't add up. Silk was dusky, she was slightly over 5 feet 7 inches tall; her eyes were big and when she did those sexy movements of licking her thick luscious lips and rolling her eyes up in a dreamy way, she gave men something to think about.”

Surat’s Namithaa on the other hand, fits the description of Silk‘s bill to a T. Other than being equally voluptuous, like Smitha, Namita hails from a small town yet has achieved superstar status on her own gutsy chutzpah and charm. Like Silk, she has successfully played the sultry seductress and flirty Savithri among other roles, wearing knotty blouses in Tamil, Telegu, Malayalam and Kannada films. In 2009, with her first Malyalam flick Black Stallion, she became ‘the most Googled Indian Actress’

From a plain Jane girl next door in Adajan, Namita Vankawala to Namithaa Kapoor the southern superstar for whom, fans have built an exclusive temple, was a journey accomplished by flaunting vital stats along with acting assets for a long run in the industry.

Tapi town’s veteran theatre personality, Kapil Dev Shukla , who trained Namita, an MTB College of Art’s student in dramatics reminisces how sincere she was, “She was under my tutelage from 1999 to 2004 and was a keen and quick learner with great potential. After winning Miss Surat, she acted in four plays for my company. She was extremely hard working and always came prepared with her dialogues, her diction was extremely clear. The first role she enacted was in my play ‘Priya Pappa’ and you may be surprised to know she played the character of a mother in it. ”

It took a lot of convincing to get Namita’s parents to allow her to participate for the 2001 Miss India title. In her own words, she came from “a very orthodox family where girls get married at the age of 19.” Her businessman father and homemaker mother were not too happy about their daughter joining the glamour industry. That year, Celina Jaitley won the title, Namita was the fourth runner up but, secured first position in the ‘viewer’s choice ‘category. Since 2002, she shed her inhibitions and catapulted to Tolly/ Kollywood queen status. Back home, if Namithaa were to walk Surti streets, few would recognize her, leave alone worship her, but this buxom babe has always maintained that it is Surat alone that strums the strings of her heart.

Surat dished out Bollywood’s very first sizzlers- Fatma Begum, Sultana, Shahzadi and Zubeida who set box-office cash counters jingling, sent censors in a tizzy and drove viewers crazy. Like them, Namitha has made it big on her own in alien territory on the mere basis of her original Surti oomph la la.

Ghazal's Unforgettable Maestro

Ghazal’s Unforgettable Maestro

It’s been a month since his unfortunate death, yet, this columnist, along with millions of other fans world over, can’t quit mourning the silence of ghazal’s soothing yet tragic voice because we relate our lives to his songs.

My earliest memories of listening to ghazals albeit without then understanding their beher (meter), are of those at parties my parents threw for their Gujarati theatre artist friends in our Bombay home. As the evening grew on, the LP would play out some soul stirring fare by Jagjit and his partner in rhyme - Chitra. Occasionally, the late and very handsome Pravin Joshi would hum along gently as one hand held a cigarette and the other hand gestured in the air while his eyes welled up. His wife, the original drama queen -Sarita Joshi ( now a television star) would go a step further and give a shot at a few light hearted graceful dance moments. The Ghazals lent their intensity to the ambiance with lilting lyrics like Nida Fazli’s,“Duniya jisse kehtey hai jaadoo ka khilona hai” and Firaq’s, “Bahut pehle se unn qadmon ki aahat jaan letey hai,tujhey ae Zindagi hum duur se pehchaan letey hai”

Later, we shifted base from Mumbai to Surat and the parents loved entertaining the locals at terrace dos (they still do, since old habits die hard).It is with much nostalgia and a very heavy heart that we reminiscence all afore heard songs now.

The magic of the maestro’s renditions lay in the fact that his compositions unpretentiously put convoluted Urdu poetry into simple harmonious tunes; which found way to the lips of the common man . So, you would have a Surti businessman swooning to the poetry of Faiz or that of the mellifluous Mirza Ghalib, totally oblivious of the ‘takhallous’, yet in perfect sync with Ghazal’s rules of 'Matla', 'Maqta', 'Beher', 'Kaafiyaa' and 'Radif' .Who could have imagined a Surti lala lisping, “unnke dekhe se jo aajaati hain muh per raunaq, woh samajhtey hai ke bimaar ka haal achha hai”, had it not been for Jagjit Singh.

It was his ear for well penned verse that made him stick to his guns when he insisted on recording as his first LP, the skillfully scripted “Baat niklegi toh duur talaq jayega,log bewajah udaasi ka sabab puchengey”, a nazm that he had chanced upon in the Urdu magazine ‘Shama’ ;even though previous efforts to record it had run out of luck, the LP version went on to become one of his greatest masterpieces. Who can forget the effervescent charm of “Teri khushbu mein basey khat mein jalaata kaise?” or the jugalbandhi of two ghazals sung as one,with genius tact – Sudarshan Faakir’s“ Ishq mein ghairratey jazbaat ney roney na diya” along with Khwaja Hyder Ali’s “ Yaar ko mainey mujhey yaarne soney na diya “

Lyrics for Singh’s first Gujarati ghazal album “Jeevan Maran Ek Chey “were verses of Gujarat’s Ghalib aka Mareez of Surat. Jagjit made sure his audience understood him well, he never missed an opportunity to take time out in between live concerts, to explain the lafz that he was going to sing, and this bonded him to his listeners’ big time. Be it Surtis at Indoor Stadium or The Royal Albert Hall, with its prim and propah crowd, none would hesitate to sing along in chorus, ’ahista,ahista’ to ,’shabe furkat kaa jaagaa huun farishton ab to sone do/ kabhii fursat mein kar lenaa hisaab ahista ahista’.

From Punjabi renditions teamed with humorous anecdotes to the tear jerker “Kagaz ki kashti ,woh baarish ka paani”, there was something for everyone .Other than his commercial cinema hits, his ghazals were for all of love’s seasons .Be it Sahir Hoshiyarpuri’s flirty,” Kaun kehta hai mohobbat ki zubaan hoti hai, yeh haqeeqat toh nigahon se bayaan hoti hai -the intoxication of new found love, to a lover’s yearning, from a jilted lover’s lament to love lost for ever.

I distinctly remember a comment by one of Surat’s popular surgeons, Dr Piyush Khanna, all starry eyed at the riverside lawns of a local five star hotel where Singh performed to an awestruck audience.” He is the real doctor alright, a doctor of broken hearts which he miraculously cures instantaneously.” Said the surgeon.

One of my favourite Jagjit – Chitra number is “Sunntey hai ke mil jaati hai hurr cheez dua se, ek roz tumhey maangke dekheyngey Khuda se.”

Alas! If only we could just ask him back from the Almighty.

Hope Less For Heritage

Tombstone to kitchen slabs:

The SMC (Surat Municipal Corporation) is all set to sell Surat’s heritage-Hope Bridge as scrap. Should we be surprised? In a sheer case of neglect by the local governing body, Surat’s heritage sites seem to have slight hope of surviving. Here is another such story:
GRAVE DANGER

In 2000 years of its existence in India, the now minuscule Jewish community has never faced anti-Semitism

Holding on to their own identity; the Jews in India have Christian neighbours, Hindu colleagues and Muslim caretakers.

They celebrate with equal zest Durga Puja, Diwali, Rosh Hashanah and Christmas. Their synagogues here often resound with incantations in Hebrew echoing recitation from Talmud and Torah.

Our superstars and celebrities sport Star of David tattoos, our gourmands relish delicatessen from kosher cuisine, prime areas in metros such as Mumbai and Kolkuta are till date known after icons such as Sassoon and Ezra.

It was in Surat that the Baghdadi Jews first step foot on when they arrived in India .A prosperous merchant community from Aleppo, descendants of which migrated to Calcutta. They were cosmopolitan businessmen who extended their trading and financial network around the globe, dealing in Arabian horses, precious gemstones and rosewater.

The Encyclopedia of Jewish Diaspora‘s earliest record states,’ In 1730, Joseph Semah arrived from Baghdad to Surat and set up the Surat Synagogue here.’ When it comes to Jewish cemeteries however, Surat stands not much better off than Pakistan. As land sharks, vandals and garbage encroach upon and shatter the sanctity of their final place of rest, the last surviving tombs of Baghdadi Jews in Surat, struggle to protect their proof of life.

While the city’s English and Dutch cemeteries are now protected by the ASI and are the pride of the city’s ancient past, an 18th century Baghdadi Jewish graveyard is surprisingly, part of a private industrial estate ! Its present owners, the Asarawallas, chase off any visitors who try to enter the premises which faces the main road on Katargam.

Miscreants often climb over the 10 foot wall to use this unique burial ground as a urinal, garbage dump or sit around the graves to enjoy locally made alcohol, bottles of which they dump around this graveyard.

“In general, the cemetery is in a terrible state of neglect, this is clearly a legacy looted.” says Dr. Shalva Weil, Senior Researcher-Research Institute for Innovation in Education, Hebrew University of Jerusalem, Israel

One of the graves within is that of Moseh Tobi, buried here in 1769, he was considered an elder leader. In his book ‘A History of the Jews in Baghdad’, David Solomon Sassoon has mentioned “In the year 1769 Moses Tobi, who is styled ha-Nasi ha- Zaken [The Elder Prince] died in Surat”

In the urban mess of the city, while this heritage site is on the verge of extinction, another Jewish cemetery has already disappeared. In February 2003, Dr.Sara Manasseh from London, visited and reported the dire straits of two Jewish cemeteries in Surat, to the then Municipal Commissioner, Mr.Aloria.

Ms Manasseh’s report stated how these burial sites of historical, communal, national and archaeological importance were infested with wild pigs and garbage, urging the local governing body to take action and save them.

No action was taken, as a result of which, the Bene Israeli Kabrastan, which was in the vicinity of the SMC offices at Mugalisara, now longer exists. ”There are no more Jews left in Surat, in the absence of caretakers, their graves have disappeared too. The entire area was encroached upon by slum dwellers who converted marble tombstones into kitchen platforms.” Says Jolly Wellington, who resides in the vicinity.

“Jewish graves have beautiful cupolas and marble gravestones. But often, Jewish graveyards are not preserved by the civic authorities as part of the city’s heritage and history. In this context, the Vadodara Israeli Kabrastan is a very good example, as to how, a citizen’s initiative could preserve it”says writer Esther David.

In 2004, the Israeli Kabrastan at Nizampura in the Banyan city was saved by an awareness drive run by TOI and prominent denizens who lent support.

Can we hope to save our heritage? Or is that too much to ask from us Surtis; a business minded community whose prosperous present exists due to its glorious past.

9 Divine Prachin Garbas

9 Divine Prachin Garbas

With the return of popular Prachin (traditional) Garbas this year, raas revelers within Surat’s sheris have been swinging to pious ancient prayers.

Penned centuries ago, the essence of these folklores in song format is about the miracles of Mataji in all her Nav Durga incarnations

All garba evenings commence with the Jay Aadhya Shakti Aarti , post which garbas are sung out in praise of individual goddesses

1.Padvey thee pehlu Ma nu nortu jee rey- Officially sung out as the first garba of Navratri, this song comprises of the importance of the nine nortas in accordance to the nine goddesses, describing the strength of each avatar - Śhailaputrī, Brahmachārini, Chandrakaṇṭā, Kuṣhmāṇḍā, Skandamātā, Kātyāyanī, Kālarātrī, Mahāgaurī and Siddhidātrī

2.Aadhya shakti tujne namu re bahuchara – Penned by Vallabh Dholabhai Bhatt,this is known as ‘Vallabh no garbo’. Mythology mentions that Bhatt was born deaf and dumb but was gifted the boon of Saraswati, the Goddess of knowledge and miraculously cured, after which he spent his life penning devotional songs like ‘darshan gyani aanand no garbo’. Legend also has it that Vallabh’s faith in the unseen Goddess led him to be imprisoned by the then Mughal ruler and his prayers to Aadhya Shakti Ma resulted in her promise of showing her presence to humans. The goddess appeared at Nathdwara, within the idol of Shrinathji, which is why, since then, Shrinathji, who is a male God has been adorned with a ‘nathni’ (nose ring.)

3.Maa no garbo re ramey raj ne darbar –Known as ‘Virat no garbo’ this one goes all out to describe the sheer splendour and magnitude of the Goddess’s might.

4.Maa Pava te gadh thi utarya Mahakali re ( Goddess Mahakali descended from the Pavagadh hills)

5.Tu Kali re ne kalyaani Maa ( Thou ,goddess Kali are the miracle maker )

6.Patayee raja garbadiyo koravo

7.Tu Pava ma ‘pragtani’ re Maa

These four songs sung in praise of Ma Kali Pavagadh wali are arguably the most popular and also the most controversial. While the first two speak of her divine prowess, the latter two are about the story of king Patayee of Pavagadh, notorious for having misbehaved with Kali Ma by trying to hold the helm of her sari pallu and inviting her to spend a night at his palace, which is why ,many singers belt out the lyrics as ‘Tu Pavani Patrani re Ma “ ( you are the queen of Pavagadh) which is incorrect. Rajkot’s music composer Utpal Jivrajani argues this theory and points that,”Historical granths have clearly stated that king Patayee was in fact Maa Kali’s great devotee.”

8.Vishwambhari stuti akhil vishwa-This devotional song with authentic chhand matra ek taal is phonetically pronounced in Sanskrit. The charm of this classic composition lies in the fact that it is sung out in perfection, at every home, crossroad and garba venue, even by people who do not know Sanskrit and are neither trained in music.

9.Amba aavo to ramiye Maa maney ramta nahi aavde- A friendly teaser to Amba Maa ,inviting her to teach and play garba with mere mortals, its lyrics are endearing and childlike.

It is through songs such as these that the bond between goddesses and devotees has strengthened since ages. As the baton of tradition is passed on down generations, the ‘Garbhdeep’- lamp within earthen pot stays illuminated forever even as believers soulfully belt out ,’Pawan sapata thay,toye Maa no garbo ghoomto jaay’

Layman's Quickie Dodhiyu Guide

Layman’s Quickie Dodhiyu Guide


All right people, its time to sway and it don’t matter if you think you are not up to it. You need to be out there in the swirling circle as hearts and feet go scampering, trying to out do each others beats.

You have tried your hand at fencing the simple raas dandiya and returned home with a swollen finger or two. You managed to maneuver within human circles that swung to the humble two taali and three taali garbas, but now, dread dandiya season’s big bad daddy - the Dodhiyu.

A’ Dodhiyu’ in Gujarati means ‘one and a half’. It consists of a ménage-`a-troi of hop, skip and jump. One needs to hip hop, skip a beat or two and then jump in victorious delight. Often, the hands do not climax in a clap, even as one’s head sways in smooth surrender.

Invented by Amdavadis in the early eighties, the Dodhiyu is dependant on rhythm alone .It allows independent expression of one’s major body parts, as limbs, abdomen, hips, eyes and neck gracefully groove to an unchained melody. Instructors describe it as, ‘a dizzy drill which makes you forget whether you are going to or fro, while you crave for more.’

Here is a step by step breakdown to understand it a little better:
You begin in a circle facing outwards, step out with your right foot while your left hand shows the way, then step inwards half a circle with your left foot even as arms gracefully sway out in full swing, fore fingers pointing skywards, next, a sudden turn in the opposite direction,a full circle ensures that you are part of the merry go round, jerk your body as you skip a beat and take a heech before you take the next two steps forward, one inward and the other outwards to complete the routine of one permutation and reach the position you had begun from - a total of 6 moves if you please.

If you think that was complicated, remember, it’s just the first, basic step. One then upgrades to 8, 10, 12, 16, 22,26,32,36 steps which include innumerable variations of hand and footwork.

While Vadodara’s garba girls are renowned for their graceful gait in this art, in Surat, Dodhiyu is slick and spicy and has more ingredients to it than the Surti Undhiyu. This year Surtis are swaying to the Millennium Twist - a do it yourself 42 step Dodhiyu which makes the watchers swoon as revelers go in and out and all about, doing their thing in a peacock like prance.

Be warned that the Dodhiyu is extremely addictive and once you have mastered the art, nothing will manage to stop you from swinging.

Here Come The Hautesteppers......Ae Haalo

In Gujarat, it is one thing to celebrate Navratri for its religious purpose and completely another to live it up for its sheer glam quotient .These nine and a half nights bring along with them the haute stepping sultans of swing, out in full splendour with bare feet, barer backs. Backless cholis make sexy humjolis(companions)and Gujarati women hold their place in history for having invented the same. In his book’ Indian Dress: A Brief History’, author Charles Louis Fabri has noted how, ‘The first recorded examples of the choli, the bodice or blouse, are found, in the pre-Mughal miniature paintings of Gujarat, mostly Jain religious manuscript illuminations.’ Present fashion’s gravity defying tactful tailor technology not only manages to gracefully hold the shoulder boulder in place but also save face in stringy situations, even as the booty is held together by a mere fancy broach or semi precious stone. “Bollywood has a marked impression on Surat’s revelers this year. I have designed Kareena cholis with Bodygaurd movie colour themes, as well as Singham ghaghras. Surtis are swearing by locally made laces on brocade, jacquard crepes for ghaghras teamed with sheer chiffon or georgette dupattas .The look is heavy but light in weight .Only participants of competitions are sticking to traditional patch worked gear.” says Sangeeta Choksi, who designs for Surat’s suburbians.

The Jolie art behind the cholis too has undergone a new avatar. Younger girls are opting for tattoos on small of their backs and their waists, a la Deepika from Dum Maro Dum, shown off at the spot where the odhani is tucked in. Ahmedabad’s popular tattoo artist Jagruti Parmar points out that,” Youngsters want their tattoos to look permanent and so, this year, stickers and paint are passé. The in thing is translucent nail varnish and a transparent top up coat ensures that its sweat proof too. It’s easy to apply and quick to change. Girls have patterns like a base butterfly /dragonfly etched out in black ink and they come in to change the design and colour of their wings everyday, to match their outfit.” The boys meanwhile are getting temporarily inked on neck napes and behind ear lobes, to show off body art. Magnetic diamante ear studs for boys as well as push button navel studs and rings for girls are sparkling this season, and have replaced body piercing. Florescent coloured braids are making way within hairdos to match up to the magnetism of garba gear. Unlike Vadodara’s strictly traditional garba ramzhat, jhankaar beats are set to jazz up Mallika Sherawat’s ‘Jalebi Bai’ number at commercial venues within the state. Rajkot’s Racecourse grounds are offering pure Prachin and Arvachin Garbas sung out in the praise of the nine goddesses of Navratri.” The locals have demanded pure folk songs this year. Also making a big come back are Titodas, and remix Dhunki Daklas like ‘Ae Ma khamma khamma maadi’.Daklas are played to the beat of talking drums - an instrument known as Daklu.” Says singer Utpal Jivrajani. The only modern theme here is sneakers, as twirling troupes have matched chaniya cholis and kediyu dhotis with sports shoes for better stepping comfort. It’s the season of dancing, prancing and romancing and Gujaratis are putting their finest step forward.

Stand By Me

Hope For Heritage

‘When the night has come and the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see.
No I won’t be afraid, no I won’t be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me.
And darling, darling, stand by me…..’

These lyrics that were originally penned by John Lennon for The Beatles’ legendry album -‘Unsurpassed Masters’, have now, somehow found their way for a song in Ra.One-an upcoming Shah Rukh Khan flick. But these lyrics literally stand true for Surat’s good old Hope Bridge.

For, since the time it was constructed, the Hope Bridge has never failed to strongly stand by us Surtis. Since 1882, records have been maintained of flood gauges at the Hope Bridge.

Official reports in the book ‘Hydrology and water resources of India’ by Sharad K. Jain, Pushpendra K. Agarwal, Vijay P. Singh ,state how “Floods were a frequent phenomenon in Tapi river before Ukai Dam was constructed. During 1876 to 1970, danger level was crossed at the Hope Bridge, in Surat on 19 instances. This implies a frequency of once every five years. High floods were experienced during three consecutive years from 1882 to 1884.There was a very high flood in August 1944 and actually two almost similar flood peaks occurred in the same week. A heavy flood, only slightly lower than that in 1994 was experienced again in 1945. Consecutive large floods were also observed in 1958 and 1959.Heavy floods were observed in 1968, 1969 and 1970.The floods of September 1959 and August 1968 were catastrophic. The floods of 1994 and 1998 also cause considerable damage to Surat city.’

While we Surtis have recently waged a war for air connectivity, the Hope Bridge is our pioneer symbol for connectivity. In the book ‘Power Protest and Participation: Local Elites and Development in India’, author Subrata K Mitra has pointed out that,”One of the major factors for Surat’s substantial change in economy was the growth of means of transport and communication. The construction of a railway line in 1860 and the building of a bridge the Hope Bridge on the Tapti in 1877 contributed greatly to trade and commerce. Closer links with the world outside also provided greater incentives of mobility.’ How can we afford to disregard the importance of this network of metal that has helped the town strengthen its mettle?

Even as we extend our unconditional support to the Anna Hazare movement, it is Hope Bridge that connected Gandhians and played a major role in the lives of many. Bapu’s personal secretary, Mahadev Desai, the man who translated Bapu’s ‘My experiments with the truth’ to English, has a strong connection with Hope Bridge. In Desai’s biography, ’The Fire and the Rose’, it is noted how Mahadev and his friends commuted via the bridge for education.,’The three boys used to go to Surat from Adajan through the fields, on the river bank and then cross the river by Hope Bridge.Mahadev studied at Surat High School.’

In an interview with our previous Municipal Commissioner Ms. S .Aparna, I asked which her favourite place in Surat was. She answered,” I love being on the bridges. Surat appears most beautiful from them.” As denizens of this town, if you still fail to connect with Hope, try asking your parents or grandparents about it and watch their memories flow. The beauty of Tapi riverfront project is unimaginable without the ancient charm of the Hope Bridge. Envisage how someday, you could take your favourite novel and coffee mug and enjoy it on a riverside bench while you gaze out at the fabulous framework of Hope Bridge occasionally.

Earlier this year, the people of Kashmir saved their heritage bridges –Zaina Kadal (15th century) and Zero bridge (1957), the last two wooden bridges which are ‘the epitome of tradition.’ The Punular Suspension Bridge in Kerala (1877) was saved by a citizen movement. From peaceful protest walks, to candle light vigils and college student visits for causes believed in, it’s the citizen support that has helped save heritage, the world over.

You need not be a superhero to save heritage, just be you, as Hope calls out ,

'whenever you are in trouble wont you stand by me ,oh now ,now stand by me,just as long as you stand,stand by me,stand by me.

Hope For Heritage

Hope for Heritage

Theodore Hope,a British civil servant in the late 1800s,was in love with Gujarat's heritage and even penned a book on Ahmedabads architecture.It is a sad commentary on todays times that the Surat Municipal Corporation is planning to sell as scrap a bridge named after him

The state government may be willing to reduce to rubbish Surat's Heritage Hope Bridge circa 1877, but theman behind the bridge-Theodore Cracraft Hope believed in appreciating and preserving Gujarat’s ancient architecture.

Hope penned the book ‘Architecture at Ahmedabad :The Capital of Goozerat’in 1866 ,for The Committee of Architectural Antiquities of Western India,under the patronage of Premchand Raichand .Dedicated to the memory of Hon. Alexander Kinloch Forbes, who inspired Hopes and awakened a “ Love for the romantic history and graceful architecture of Goozerat “ in him.

Pics:Col.Thomas Biggs.Architecture at Ahmedabad:Capital of Goozerat,1866


The book is a meticulous labour of historical and descriptive sketch of Gujarat’s dynasties and Ahmedabad's built Heritage structures. Recreated through Theodore’s words that describe the splendour of Jain architecture in Gujarat, as well as the mystic of Ahmedabad’s various Mosques with their unique mode of natural lighting; all of which, are stunningly captured within the camera of Colonel Biggs.

Hope was besotted by the tracery and niches found in Ahmedabad’s ancient architecture and describing both, the Hindu-Muslim forms of design ,he has written ,” Generally these were drawn with a free hand, and at the same time they form the most beautiful details, taken singly, to be found in Ahmedabad. All are different, not only in detail but often in character, but all are beautiful.”

Theodore considered the stone windows of Sidi Saiyed Jaalis as unsurpassed universally and has described them thus,”As examples of this class, they are perhaps unrivalled even in India. At Agra and Delhi there are some nearly as fine, but neither so extensive nor so exquisitely balanced as these. There is something wonderfully beautiful in the mode in which construction is, in these examples, combined with mere ornamentation. It is probably more like a work of nature than any other architectural detail that has yet been designed even by the best architects of Greece or the Middle Ages.”

Hope’s effort to spread awareness about the state’s history and built heritage wealth via this book has found shelf space worldwide; not only in the British Library but also at Harvard University Library and other prestigious educational institutions around the world, where historians, scholars, students of architecture and fine arts refer to it for sourcing information about Gujarat’s glorious past.

Theodore spoke five European languages when he first joined the Bombay Civil Service in 1853. Within two years, he was appointed as Inspector for Gujarat’s then newly formed Education Department. His ‘Hope Vachanmala’ (Hope’s Readers) ,a set of well known text books were prepared for use in basic schooling, translated by local scholars and found instant popularity. In his book ’ Literary Cultures in History’, author Sheldon Pollock has stated how Navalram Pandya ,a pioneering critic, found many similarities between Hope’s style of writing to that of our own great poet Narmad Shankar Dave’s in ‘Narmadgaya’. Pandya observed that,” Both their narratives were simple, native and mature and were equally loved by the educated and uneducated, unlike other pompous Sanskritized Gujarati.”

The energetic collector of Surat, Sir Theodore Cracraft Hope was among the finest of the colonial gentry and in his service of 34 years in India; he spent eight years at Surat, enhancing the city’s civic amenities. He was a favourite among locals not only because he was a model of administrative efficiency but because he heard the petitions every evening himself and chatted freely with the Surtis to sort out their issues.

During Surat's most extensive period of reform, as collector of Surat and head of its municipality, Hope reported to his seniors,"Municipal government can never be a popular government in the sense that it is liked by the people because the very reason de'etre of the Municipality is a perpetual war with those problems which are normal with the mass of the population, and are either followed or looked on with favour by too many upper classes." states Douglas E Haynes in his book ,’Rhetoric and Ritual in Colonial India.’

Today, Surat’s Hope Bridge, hopes for a little understanding of its priceless value by its Municipal governing body, as it stands proudly amidst other bridges, as the first amongst its sequels.

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Hope Pul in the year 1957 ,clicked by Shri V N Mehta,Surat.Courtesy & copyright, V N Mehta & Co

 

A view from the bridge

My beloved Surtis,
I reach out to you today in hope to bridge the gap between us and bond with you just as I did with your father, grandfather, great grandfather and his forefathers.
I was built at a time when our beautiful city had lost its importance as a port but it carried on business as usual with its au natural chutzpah and am glad to see that today, it is one of the fastest growing cities in the world.

We bridges normally tend to go unnoticed, but I am grateful to have had my share of limelight in my heydays. I have been lucky enough to be Tapi town’s first strong handshake that holds together the two shores of Tapi that never meet. The importance of my being is prevalent in the fact that we now have so many more bridges linking either banks of the Tapti, even as the river runs through them. Connecting cultures and communities of Surat and Rander, I have illuminating memories of a glorious past

I am thrilled to see fancy four wheel drives zoom on my fellow bridges. During earlier times, I had regal horse carts trotting over. They were called Victorias, Aeko and Seagram depending on the way they were styled and the handsome horses that drew them. A few had vintage box like carriages, made of teakwood with brass fittings. Just like you people go jogging in your fancy sports gear over the new bridges, many Surtis came to take a leisurely morning or evening walk in simple footwear via me, since I was then, the longest straight stretch in town. I have seen the Delhi sultanate flag and the British flag come down at the fort, even as our Tiranga was raised and unfurled proudly.

The chowpatty garden was not developed then, hence I was a hotspot for the denizens. I was visited by pretty girls with sharp eyed moms, children with parents who came to watch visarjan of Dashama and Ganesha idols that were performed from various Ovaras. There used to be a mere 15 to 20 idols at the most. And often, a holy being came resting against one of my pillars for a while. It was through me that foodies trudged towards the ‘Ponk Nagari’ at Rander to relish Sugarcane juice, Ponk and buttermilk.

I have had the privilege to have been mentioned in many books and the Bombay Gazetteers. Behramji Malabari once wrote in his book Gujarat and Gujaratis that,”There is not much to be seen in Surat, except, of course the new Hope Bridge. It is a fine strong structure and is no doubt a great convenience to the people. It cost over seven lakhs .There are many larger bridges in India; but to the stick at home Surtis their bridge is a marvel of human ingenuity. I am not surprised that some of them worship it and offer sacrifices to the presiding genius.”

As you know, I have been named after the energetic collector of Surat, Sir Theodore Cracraft Hope. He was among the finest of the colonial gentry and in his service of 34 years in India; he spent eight years at Surat, enhancing the city’s civic amenities. He was a favourite among locals not only because he was a model of administrative efficiency but because he heard the petitions every evening himself and chatted freely with the Surtis to sort out their issues .Theodore also stressed on education and his ‘Hope Vachanmala’ a set of well known text books were prepared for use in basic schooling. In his book Literary Cultures in History, Sheldon Pollock has stated that Hope’s style of writing was found similar to that of our own great poet Narmad Shankar Dave’s in ‘Narmadgaya’. Scholars observed that,” Both their narratives were simple, native and mature and were equally loved by the educated and uneducated, unlike other pompous Sanskritized Gujarati.”

I was also featured in At the Core –a book on Surat’s built heritage by the SMC –UBC this year, but yet, strangely, they seem to be ready to dismantle me. I am old, rickety and have seen better years. But, I still stand tall as I always have, through the worst floods that have devastated the city. I am living history and I do not want to die before my time. I hope to share my stories with your children and grand children, just as I did with your forefathers. I hope that you will give me a chance to do so.

Surtis are known as great businessmen, so let me lay down the brass tacks- It will cost you nothing to raise your voice for me, but in return, you will gain an ancient treasure.

Hopefully yours,
Hope Pul.

Sufi Mystics of Surat

Sufi mystics of Surat

On the first day of Ramadan, this columnist was fortunate enough to visit the shrine of Hazrat Moinuddin Chishti. It is one place in the world that never fails to provide the serenity and solitude I seek, no matter how crowded it is. There is a certain magical mysticism linked with Sufi saints and believers often experience what poet Octavio Paz once best described it as:

'I did not have the imageless vision; I did not see forms whirl until they vanished in unmoving clarity, the being without substance of the Sufis. I did not drink the plenitude of the void …..I saw a blue sky and all the blues, from white to green, the spread fan of the poplars and on a pine, more air than bird, a black and white mynah. I saw the world resting on itself. I saw the appearances. And I named that half hour: The Perfection of the Finite.’

Gujarat’s belief in Sufism is at its prime in Ajmer and prevalent among the pilgrims there. The main entrance to Ajmer’s Dargah has’ Khwaja Garib Nawaaz ‘written in Gujarati text besides Urdu script. A ‘Khadim’ from Patel Gujarat house mediated my obeisance to the saint, whose legend says that he was simultaneously seen circumambulating the Khana-e-Kaaba, Mecca, during Haj, when he was actually still at Ajmer.

Upon my return, I discussed this observation with my learned friend Ayub Sopariwalla, who informed me about the Sufi saints of Surat, whose ‘roohs’ (souls) guard its people and preserve its prosperity. Curious to know more, I went around the popular shrines of Tapi Town and learnt that, since as early as the 12th century; Sufi saints began visiting and settling in Gujarat, spreading messages of peace and love within a melting pot of Hindu-Muslim cultures.

More than 400 years ago, five brothers from Bokhara traveled to Agra and then settled in Surat. Their knowledge in the field of relieving ailments seemed to have miraculous powers to provide relief and thus they gained immense popularity within the town. Till date, their Dargahs continue their mission.

Hazrat Dana Pir’s Dargah at Bade Khan Chakla, Gopipura is one of the above .Meet the mujawar here and you will get to know how the Hazrat overpowered an evil spirit and saved the locals. He further claims that,” During Urs, the lock on its gate unlocks by itself, then, the golden hand on the shrine waves down thrice and a little Dargah beside the adjacent mussafirkhana moves forward by the width of a rice grain.”

A lot of people visit here to offer miniature cloth horses as mannat against boons asked. Childless couples, upon being granted the same, donate grains against the infant’s weight. There also exists here, the grave of ‘shakkarwaley baba’ who helps tongue tied infants speak if their tongue is rubbed thrice against his tombstone. The child leaves a handful of sugar molasses in return.

Dana Pir’s other brothers Khwaja Khizr, Khwaja Didar, Khwaja Suleiman and Khwaja Madni are said to be the guards of Surat’s prosperity, residing besides the gates of the inner walled city .Visited by Muslim and Hindu believers alike, these shrines ring true the verse of the 15th century Sufi saint Shah Ali Gamdhani:
’ Haj jau hu ki Dwarka,ghar na koi dekhu paarka,sab khel pyaar ka.’

Moments in monochrome,sepia and colour.

Last week, upon a friend’s recommendation, I took a peek at some amazing works by Edward Weston-the most influential photographer of the twentieth century. Since then, I keep going back to browsing his aces, only to discover new lines and deeper meanings.

Weston once pointed out that ‘Photography to the amateur is recreation; to the professional it is work and hard work too, no matter how pleasurable it may be’ these words immediately bring to mind a conversation I once had with TOI photographer Gaurang Joshi, whose pictures in the daily editions portray more than text can say and defy mundane ‘snaperazzi’. Upon asking him if a certain time was suitable for a photo shoot, Gaurangbhai smiled and replied,”Maru schedule bambawala jevu hoy chey” (my schedule is like that of a fireman, I am on the job 24/7) His enthusiasm for snapping the perfect moment comes through in his shots ,often taken from difficult aerial perspectives.

Both he and his brother Dharmesh have inherited this art from their father Chandrakant Joshi, fondly known as ‘kaka’ in most Surti households ,mister Joshi senior is a self taught photographer who has clicked Tapi town through its days of glory as well as natural calamities. As a student, he brought his first camera in 1964, a Kodak Brownie, from a Surti sailor for Rs.25.Through the years, the instruments changed from Rolleiflex, to Yashica to Nikon and even in these digital times, he has preserved a cupboard full of the old pieces which are priceless because of the memories snapped through them.
Legendary photographer Robert Capa once advised, ’If your pictures aren’t good enough, you are not close enough.’what he actually meant was not the use of longer lenses but the fact that the photographer needs to be closely involved and intimate with the subject.

Good photography comes forth from the power of observation, not how technology is applied, the proof of which lies in classic black and white photographs which have managed to capture the past in so regal a manner. In circa 1901, Surat’s oldest photo studio was founded by Vijbhukhandas .N. Mehta .Mehta worked in the accounts department of Ajmer railways .He once happened to visit a local studio there to have a photograph taken along with a friend. With interest invoked in photography since, he took training from a friend’s relative and joined a Britisher’s photo studio as a helper. Over time, he saved enough to set up one himself and deeming it inappropriate to comepete with his employer, he shifted to Surat and set up shop in a tiny space on Rajmarg.

This iconic studio is a warehouse of brilliant photographs that has captured British Royalty, India’s first politicians and connoisseurs from Mumbai and Ahmedabad in the early 20th century. The passion for photography was passed down generations and a hundred and ten years later, continues with fourth generation representatives in the form of his great grandchildren Rita, Bina and Rajesh Mehta who maintain the state record breaking sales of Canon cameras as well.

That Surat tops in camera sales within Gujarat is evident within its shutterbug community who, like Pablo Picasso feel,’ I have discovered photography.Now I can kill myself.I have nothing else to learn.’

Creative amateurs have sprung up clicking away life, nature, models, sports, industries, with their individual imagination.

The best part about photography is that even if you don’t know how to click or pose, you can be part of the picture; as Ansel Adams, the God of nature‘s best clicked splendour once said, ’There are two people in every photograph, the photographer and the viewer.’

Arrack-shun ! No more cheers !

Noticed how wobbly kneed women, who walk up to Permit rooms to claim their monthly quota of alcohol allowance, look so weary and wary these days?

Even the otherwise bindass permit holders are now heard whispering,’je pataavu hoy tey aath-nav sudhi maan patavi devu, aney Dumas toh humnaa maatey bhulij javanu,whu ?’(Get it over and done with by 8-9 and forget Dumas for now)

Present prohibition may have partially dried up not only spirits but also Surat’s social glue-booze, but there was a time when Tapi town used to turn into a Cavalla by sundown, ’Surya ast toh Surti mast’.

During olden days, alcohol was distilled locally in many a different way:

In the 16th century, Sidi Ali Reis, a Turkish Admiral who embarked at Surat’s Suvali beach, observed and penned in his travelogue, Mirat-ul –Memalik (Mirror of Countries), “There is in Gujarat a tree of the palm tribe, called tari agadji (millet-tree). From its branches cups are suspended and when the cut end of a branch is placed into one of these vessels a sweet liquid, something of the nature of arrack, flows out in a continuous stream; and this fluid, by exposure to the heat of the sun, presently changes into a most wonderful wine.”

Being a central port for unilateral trade, Surat had sailors from all over the world wading in. The ever busy Surti beach-Swally hole where they embarked was also their watering hole. Spirits were locally made here from fennel seeds, tadi and opium .The entire process of how Surtis prepared ‘niro’ and ‘tadi’, is picturesquely described by J.Ovington in his book”A Voyage To Suratt’

In 1632 A.D., Peter Mundy, European traveler was surprised to discover how in opium addicts seeped poppy husks and seeds in water to produce an alcoholic beverage called ‘poste’, drinkers of which were called’ postees’, while those who prepared drinks from Cannibes-bhaang were called ‘bhaangees’. Many Parsis grew toddy and opium in large amounts; although it was otherwise officially banned, trading it to China was legally allowed.

When Parsis sailed into Gujarat, most of them had a still (tiny distillery) in their homes for procuring ‘pehli dharno, beeji dhar no’ (first outflow, second outflow). They prepared an intoxicating drink from Mahuda flowers available locally; the drink was said to be a digestive, with cooling properties especially during the summers. For winters, special liquor was made from fermented raisins and dates. Also, Port wine is a much loved appetizer amongst Parsi women who prepare the same at home. They consume it differently, by adding a shot of lime to a peg of the fortified liquid.

It was only after the British came into Surat’, that Scotch and beer were introduced to the town’s elite. Beer became a lunchtime drink and Scotch was relished before dinner by the elite. The locals stuck to local brews. In Douglas E Haynes’, Rhetoric and Ritual in Colonial India,’it is mentioned how,” alcohol was present within the moral code of Surat’s Ghachi/ Khatri/Gola community.”

Amongst the earliest responsibilities that Surat’s first Municipalty carried out in 1852, were tasks like lighting and cleaning the streets, expenses of which were met by levying a surcharge on alcohol production at the local distillery.

Douglas has also well documented how the ban on alcohol first began within Surat. In 1906, headmen of the Khatri and Gola communities made’ bandobast’ against the consumption of alcohol as an enforcement of moral codes by threat of social sanction.

Around 1911, social educators like Dayalji and Kunvarji who ran local boarding schools, founded journals that urged Anavil and Kanbi communities to abstain from ‘corrupt customs’ like the consumption of alcohol.

The Gandhian campaign of antiliquor was launched in full swing serving the dual purpose of social purification as well as that of harming Government revenue which greatly depended upon the sale of liquor shop contracts and sales tax on alcohol .In 1921, about 175 picketers marched to the collectorate pleading bidders of liquor shop contracts to,’ Give up sinful money and depend on money that is pure.’

This was perhaps, the moment when the first foundation of prohibition was laid in Surat.

Interpreter of Surti Maladies

INTERPRETER OF SURTI MALADIES


Now covered under the umbrella of health insurance policies, ancient medicinal recipes of Ayurveda and Unani no longer remain crushed and confined between pestles and mortars.

Known to be an extremely effective alternate option to allopathy, for treatment of chronic illnesses such as spondylitis, arthritis and epilepsy, along with other physical grievances big and small, these naturally derived cures claim to have no harmful side effects.

While Ayurveda is native to India, the term Unani (pronounced Yunani) is the Arabic spelling of Ionian, the islands of Greece.

A study by Subhuti Dharmananda, Ph.D., Director, Institute for Traditional Medicine, Portland, Oregon, traces how ‘Unani owes its origin to the Greek physician Hippocrates (460-377 B.C.) Based on the original Greek concept of balancing the four body humors and resulting Unani systems involve the four elements: earth, air, water, and fire; along with four natures: cold, hot, wet, and dry; and four humors: blood (which is hot/wet), phlegm (cold/wet), yellow bile (hot/dry) and black bile (cold/dry).’

The Unani system is known as Hikmat or Unani-Tibb. Its medical practitioners are called Hakims. Here is the story of how a pioneer Hakeem of Surat went on to establish its ‘most effective pharmacy’ –Hakeem Chi Chi:

Once upon a time, there lived in Surat, a talented locksmith. Offering his services door to door, within the old walled city, he went about repairing and replicating keys, for a hard earned living. This gentleman named Sheikh Mohammad, was once asked to make a key for the ‘tijori’ (safe) of the then Nawab of Sachin .While on the job there, he chanced to meet a Hakeem from Junagadh who was on visit at the palace ,for ‘ilaaj’ (treatment) of an ailment that troubled the Nawab.

Sheikh Mohammad’s knowledge of ‘jadi booti’ (medicinal herbs) surprised the Hakeem who then offered to train him with a course in the medicinal field, at Junagadh.Since the Surti key maker was too poor to afford the travel fare to Junagadh, he set out on foot towards it, letting his profession as a key maker pay for his journey, as he trudged from one town to another, before finally reaching his destination, that opened doors to a new world.

He returned to Tapi town as Hakeem Sheikh Mohammed and set up a desi dawa khana (clinic) at Ranitalao. His knowledge teamed with knack benefited patients immensely and he quickly gained popularity as well as publicity by word of mouth. He had a nasal voice which squeaked a bit due to which, locals lovingly nicknamed him ‘Hakeem Chi Chi’, the clinic and name continued, ever since. His son educated at the Aligarh University for a degree in Unani; his grand son was appointed advisor at the Kasturba Memorial Trust.

The legend lives on, functioning in full form with hundreds of naturally derived in-house products. Since 79 years, the pharmacy has stood firm ground as the shop around the corner of Chakkapir street, at Rani Talao.“ We have been at this very place since 1932.We do not and will not have any other branches because we want to maintain the quality set up by our forefathers. We also cater to NRI customers via their relatives who reside in Surat and around the surrounding villages here. Our original surname was Navsariwala; our profession provided the present last name”, says Mohammad Qasim Hakeem, who represents the fifth generation of the lineage.

His father, Abdul. Hakim .Hakeem sits on the loft above, reading the trembling nerves of patients who have lined up to be cured. It is here that ageing men, pregnant women, insomniac professionals and colic children come for cures that are derived from exotic botanical ingredients such as Licorice roots, Peppermint, Malabar nuts, Rhubarb and other such herbs, sourced from all around India. Downstairs, a troop of educated young staff , hands out prescribed cures for allergies, asthma, eczema and caters to other demands such as beauty products, naturally extracted sherbets, top quality khajoor (red dates) etc.

Within the heart of city, one can catch the whiff of fresh gulabjal, sukhadd, amla, jojoba along with henna and sesame amongst other aromas from this treasure trove that is the sum of ancient herbal wisdom, which thrives and throbs steadily along with the pulse of Surat city.

Hello,Saheb ? Myself Surti calling

Within a month since his appointment as the commissioner of police, Tapi town’s honourable top cop has become the talk of the town; oft seen, heard and most definitely feared by miscreants, all around the city of Surat.

Felicitated at a function by leading lalas from industries of textile and diamonds, he was seen warmly welcomed by Surat’s ‘who is who’. Famous businessmen were requested, while lesser known representatives were urged by organizers to come forward for ‘saheb nu samman’, the soul they now look up to for protection from land grabbing bullies and ill meaning elements who wish to hinder their business. Further more, lalas posted the audio recording of the event on You Tube under the title ‘Welcome and Falicitate Shri Rakesh Asthana”, spelling it so, to prove its Surti authenticity.

At the helm of the helmet issue, the commissioner of police was also heard on local FM and at club meets, pointing out to educated adult Surtis, basic and compulsory traffic rules. Commuters who had till date paid little attention to safety details are now paying up fines that amount to lakhs of rupees.

Shady characters meanwhile have gone under the mattresses instead of ‘going to the mattresses’, a la Godfather style. They seem to have vamoosed from the scene, for the time being, knowing only too well that the commissioner, who has won the President’s medal for distinguished service, surely means business when he has promised to ‘legally crackdown on anti-social elements’.

The layman Surti however, has been most impressed with the fact that even as saheb promised peace for prosperity and citizen-police partnership, he also publicly shared his mobile number last week, asking Surtis to fear nobody and call him directly, in case they get tepid response on terror and other issues, from local police stations.

Empowered by having saheb’s number in the phone book, a few claimed to have set up a

“CCC”-Concerned citizen’s committee.

Upon being invited to their first ever meeting last Saturday, curiosity got the better of this columnist to find out what this actually was all about.

A fairly large amount of people had turned up at the designated venue for discussion. Everybody seemed to be speaking all at once.

‘I want to request for a fixed time table for traffic fines. Monday for helmets, Tuesday for seat belts, Wednesday for speed limits etc.’suggested a Citylight homemaker.

‘I simply want to thank him for allowing us to wear helmets designed like the Gladiator head dress; it makes me feel like Russell Crow ‘smiled a dentist from Sagrampura.

While bhaiyajis from Bihar who are vegetable vendors around Parle Point pointed out that they were willingly going to move their carts away “Kyunki bade saheb ne toh hamaarey Laloo Prasad ji ke raj mein fodder kand ka bhi parda farsh kar diya thaa toh hum kya cheez hai .“

The migrant bhabhijis from Kolkuta are impressed for once because “Inhoney kaha thaa ke saheb wohi officer hai jinhoney hamarey West Bengal mein Purulia arms drop case investigate kiya thaa.”

Meanwhile, popular senior citizens Mr.Magan Batla and aunty Batli were on a conference call via satellite, from Daman. ‘As you all know, we are tadipar these days. We are calling over the concern of the disappearance of our niece –Narangi and nephew-Pehli Dharno.They were last seen brewing up by the Tapi, we hope they are safe since they are innocent locals who mean no harm.”


“ Missed call maru ?”

Surti socialites had a more personal agenda, ‘I love men in uniform. All I want to know is which ringtone does his caller tune have. Do you know? Is it Dabangg? ‘

‘I found his name on FB but it turned out to be someone else.’

‘I like the idea of CCTV, am looking forward to see and be seen ‘

A gentleman from Kotsafil road had great concern over cattle which casually strolls around that area,”Aaprey toh koini beek lagtee nathi,whu ? Aaprey toh bindaas puchvanu chey ke bhai aa badha nu whu karvanu chey ? Punn saheb ne aapri bhasha nai hamjan parey’

“This is exactly why we have invited you’, said the CCC president, as all heads turned towards me ,”Can you call him and forward all of our concerns? ”he asked.

Needless to say, this cat scampered from the meet before further curiosity killed it.

Road trip to Surat in the 17th century

How Thomas Coryate walked from England to Surat.


The state highway and NH 8 was set ablaze with star power last week. Keeping up with its ‘La Tomatino’ theme, the trendy team of the promising upcoming flick ‘Zindagi Na Mileygi Dobara’ painted Tapi town and other prime cities of Gujarat red. The superstars of present times made the journey short and sweet as they zoomed in and out on their fancy four wheel drives. Needless to say, by setting an example for freedom and adventure which is the theme of the movie, this innovative cinema promotion style will surely spur Surtis into taking road trips on paths less traveled.

While many travelers have sailed into Surat as well as driven in as a first, one of the most interesting characters to have come in stayed here for good, which is because he unfortunately died on Surat’s shore. He holds his place in history because of the fact that he began his journey from England to India entirely on foot. Till this date, a stone tablet etched with his shoes is displayed on the walls of the Somerset town that he hailed from.

Thomas Coryate was born in Odecombe, England. The Englishmen remember him as the court jester employed by Prince Henry, son of James I , he also holds the honour of introducing the table fork to England .Amongst many other nicknames that he acquired ,’Furcifer’ fork bearer rascal is one amongst the most popular.

Coryate studied at the Winchester College and later at Gloucester, Oxford. His passion for travel which he best preferred on foot began by a tour of Europe during which he penned “Coryate’s crudities’ an Odecombian buffet of witty verse from all around the continent. He was popular and well known through Europe for his adventures and book alike, although scholars often took jibes at his works and character. John Taylor described him as:

’ His head was a large pounding tub of phrases, whence men would pick delights as boys pick diseases, admired learning took his heads possession and turned his wit a wandering in progression’

With his head that has been described to look like an inverted sugar loaf, this learned man who could speak at least 8 different languages including Latin, Greek, Persian, Hindustani amongst others was known as ‘The eccentric fakir’ in India because he was known to climb up minarets of mosques and shout back at priests who called out the azaan .Coryate with his single soul, soles and shirt walked all the way from England to Greece to the Mediterranean to Persia and finally to India ,out of curiosity and to present himself before the great Mughal Emporer – Jehangir.

In Multan, Lahore, he upset many religious believers when he threw a ruckus outside the prime mosque of worship .Later, this leg stretcher visited Ajmer, Pushkar, Agra, and Haridwar and also presented his thoughts before Jehangir in Persian and English. He sent back images of himself riding an elephant in India of which historians have commented upon,’ His wit is so huge nought but an elephant could carry him’

This contemporary nomad unfortunately took ill and as he sought passage to return home, the end of his versatile and weary journey brought him to Surat. It was here that he hoped to sail home via a ship from Suvali.

But alas! That was not to be.

This long strider arrived in Surat on the 13th of November in 1617 and died of dysentery in December that year on the shores of Tapi. Literates believe that the flux of his poor health was further deteriorated by the consumption of ‘sack’ or Elizabethan alcohol which he took a shot at from a ship that had sailed in from England. Amongst his last known words were,’ Sack, sack, is there any such thing as sack? I pray give me some’

Coryate’s grave is believed to have been silted with the Suvali shore .A field of bones that lie in a graveyard long lost beneath its sands. Till date, though, this ‘fool of quality’ is remembered by many an English scholar , described as:

‘He was the imp, whilst he on earth survived, from whom this West world’s pastimes were derived; He was in city, country, field and court. The well of dry trimmed jests, the pump of sport.’

The problem with D K Bose

WHAT SURTIS SWEAR BY

I don’t know about you but I certainly do not happen to find any fun in the pun within the crude Hindi slang used for female genitalia, which forms the lyrics of a present popular song. It makes me cringe and reach out for a pair of noise canceling ear muffs - Quiet Comfort by Bose.

While Dada Kondke had named his movie after a similar pun in the 1900’s, it was considered C grade cinema, one meant for an audience of the same category. It certainly wasn’t in a catchy song form that would be played day in and night out on the radio or in movie trailers which would be run during intervals in theatres through the country,or conveniently slotted between prime time programmes on national television and replayed in between news streams.The 'A' certificate for the cinema means nothing when you are already bantering around whats banned for younger ears .

‘What’s new?’ you may question, ’aren’t we Surtis surrounded by profanity? ‘Yes, but till this date we did not have backpack toting toddlers singing it out loud, did we?

Author John Mc Whorter who penned ‘The Power of Babel’ once pointed out that,’Young children will memorize the illicit inventory long before they can grasp its sense.’ The scurrilous jest in Delhi Belly literally justifies the existence of potty mouths.

An entertainment licensee cannot justify the exploitation of profanity amongst the youth to set cash counters jingling. An ‘A’ certificate will not stop children from smaller towns like Surat casually sauntering in to catch the film at the nearest theatre screening the same.That exactly,Ms Kiran Rao ,is what's wrong with D K Bose and such other theories. Even as an audience cheers out loud and claps to the usage of brazenly vulgar words, young minds are easily influenced in repeating what they think is a ‘kewl conversation.’ Remember, Kareena Kapoor in so called family entertainers like ‘Jab We Met’ and ‘Golmaal’ got max audience appreciation for scenes in which she let her mouth loose with incomplete expletives.

Subjected to foul language that is not alien to them in day to day life, teenagers have interpreted slang to suit their expressions. A normal text SMS amongst teens these days will have words like ‘meri maar di’, ’fatt gayee’,’thok diya’, ‘uski bajaa di’,’vaat laga di” along with much abused four letter English words, very casually compiled within sentences .Where has this cult come from ? Is it just the movies?

Surtis swear by profanity and it is an integral part of their trading language. Migrants are often aghast at how smoothly a sentence flows from the mouths of Surti lalas, laced along with unmentionable body parts. Both happiness and anger alike are expressed with incestuous remarks with strong hints of Freud’s theory of an Oedipus complex.

While Surat’s Ghachis, Golas, Khatris, Kolis, Parsis are known for the sharp tongued sputter of their gutter tongue, the origin of these words are not essentially Gujarati. Upon carefully noticing the word formation of regularly used cuss words which are coarsely audacious, you will discover that their origin is from various languages like Arabic, Persian, and Hindustani, presumably brought into the ancient port town by the traders who sailed in. Speaking of whom, did the Brits bring in along with colonial rule, gross language too?

Queen Elizabeth I was speculated to be a robust swearer. The evolution of profanity in the English language is cited by scholars as somewhere around the 16th century. The word Profane has Latin roots and it means ‘outside of the church’, hence blasphemous. In fact well known authors like Geoffrey Chaucer in Canterbury Tales and world’s most popular playwright William Shakespeare are known to have widely used religious and moral curses within their texts (which were often censored). They were words like ‘God’s blessing on your beard’ from Love’s labour lost, or ‘By God’s (blest) mother’ from Henry.

The word ‘ass’ was first published as a swear word in the Oxford English Dictionary way back in 1955 and since then, vituperative words seem to have had no looking back, so to say.

What’s sad to hear is one of the most offensive cuss words around the world being touted as a youth anthem in our nation, in the name of being a trendy laugh! Now ,that certainly is not funny.

Tendulcar-Ferrari Ki Sawaari in Surat

TENDULCAR-Ferrari Ki Sawaari-Wankhede to Varachha

Last night this columnist dreamt of penning a book- Tendulcar in Tapi Town.
Since the said journal would need first hand information, a meeting with Surat’s new star was mandatory. Here are some excerpts of a tete-a tete with India’s now most famous four wheeler.

Q. How does it feel to be a super car?

T. “Oh! I am exhilarated! I am on top of the world! First my owner was the star, now, I am it. I hope to run for as many kilometers and more, than the legend scored.

Q. You have had a long and famous journey

T “Yes, Italy to India has been a long run. Having been to the Fiat- Ferrari firm born, I was bound to be in news, but amongst my entire sibling fraternity I managed to steal the show. I mean, I was gifted ,presented by the best racer in the world -Schumacher to the best batsman in the universe- Sachin, when he equaled Sir Don Bradman’s record.

Q. There have been many controversies, regarding import duty, transit, rumours of having been stolen on April Fool’s day 2010, once a gift, now a deal …….

T .Ah! Yes, but then, what good is it to be young and famous and not have tongues wag? Its part of the popularity perks and jerks. Anyway’s its all in the past now. Bene grazie!

Q. You need special service and even special fuel to run.

T. Yes, I had my signature special fuel, custom made especially for the master blaster, by Bharat Petroleum .The No.97 high Octane petrol was produced at the company’s Mumbai refinery. It costs 50 % higher than normal petrol .I don’t think it will be locally available here, so I am not too sure how I will manage in future, maybe they will bring it in or I will visit Mumbai for refills.

Q.How do you like your new home?

T. Oh! I am made to feel like a goddess. The garage was redecorated especially for me, people in town seem to worship the roads I vroom on and my owner is a soft gentle soul. I thought my boss’s name was Jayesh Desai, but upon reaching here I realized it’s actually Jayessbhai-everyone here calls him that.

Q.What do you miss about your old home?

T.A whole load of things, of course. I mean it’s a different ball game to be parked at La Mer.Apart from Signor Sachin’s family and Kambli sir who loved me; I miss my friends the most. I sometimes had A .Bacchan’s Bentley for company and visiting Antilia to gossip with M .Ambani’s Maybach and other fleet was too much fun. We had this high profile gang of first hand, original cars, unlike the down market stolen goods that go around these days.

Q.How do you find Surat?

T. Bellissima ! Mamma Mia! Che belle ragazze! Che rumore!Magari ! But, If only I also understood what they speak……. Che macello! They whistle and hoot, record me on mms, they call out ‘Watt a booty!’,’ Aaila! Sachin ni gaari lai aavyo bhaila! “ooooh posu bhagat !”, I mean c’mon Suvvia!Vedi ni non dire sciocchezze!

Q.I meant the roads.

T.Oh! The roads here are wider with less bumper to bumper traffic than Mumbai.But the bumps are too high for my bottom and I need to be carefully maneuvered. I love the flyovers and am really looking forward to zooming on the Vadodra and Ahmedabad Expressway to tap my potential, prove my road worthiness.

Q.So, no hard feelings?

T. None whatsoever! I mean in an age when most second hand cars are sold for less than half their price, I was paid for twice my original amount, inspite of being FOC! My new owner and Tapi town made National news and front page material. Amitabh Bachhan sold one of his BMW’s last year but like all other celebrity sales, it was a silent one.Besides,I hear my paint and connecting engine blocks for fuel supply are manufactured in Gujarat,so in a way, this is homecoming. After years, am getting the publicity of my heydays.

Q. Will you miss the Tendulkars?

T. Always. I was their dream car, now they have someone new. But we Italians believe that true love is rare and true friendship even rarer. Since I was traded for friendship, all is fair.

Weekday options for Sunday Papas

For all busy dads ,around the world

With the nostalgia of one more Father’s Day now behind us, Surti Lalas, whose business schedules have converted them into Sunday papas have reached to a tear jerking conclusion, resonating with the adage that they inherited from their fathers-
’ God gave us money but not time.’

Present circumstance and stress of an overworked and underpaid life make sure that children see their dads only on Sundays, when those precious few hours are mostly spent in dining out with friends or catching up on the latest flick.

Conversation is the key word while raising a child. We live in an age where the generation gap has been bridged, but communication gap within families has widened more than ever before.
In their book ‘Adolescence: The Survival Guide for Parents and Teenagers’, authors Elizabeth Fenwick and Dr.Tony Smith have pointed out that, "Although young children usually exchange thoughts and feelings quite easily, adolescents are not often so communicative. It takes a real effort to keep the channels of communication open with someone who is apparently determined to shut you out and to be as monosyllabic as possible. But it's essential to keep talking-and keep listening-if you are to survive your children's adolescence intact. If you can manage it, and are still on speaking terms with your adolescents by the time they reach their late teens, you'll find they may actually want to talk to you, and it's once again rewarding to have conversations with them."
Here are some fun ways to let conversation sneak in between your child and you, while you spend an hour extra with them, within your busy schedule.
Drive your child to school occasionally, make the effort to wake up early, share breakfast, drop your child to school .Chat up about friends, teachers and subjects, discuss fun incidents from your school days. Try and attend the parent teacher meeting whenever you are in town, learn first hand about your kid’s advantages and shortcomings to help understand her/him better.

Catch up over a surprise lunch or dessert .Play scrabble or chess at coffee shops .Plan a picnic .Discuss food preference with them. Explain cuisines or learn what they know about it, with interest. Your child probably knows the best thin crust pizza combo in town and can spell more pasta names than you. Pay full attention when your child speaks; stop doing everything else at that moment.

Visit your child’s extra curricular activity class. Whether its sports, music, art or dance, take interest, appreciate, if possible participate or have your kids teach you the technique they are skilled in. Children are friends with people who perform their favourite activities with them. . Learn to play ‘Super Mario’/ ‘Angry Birds’, on their gadget. Compete in healthy fashion.

Let your children visit your workplace for an hour or two. Treat them as adults as they watch how you spend your day at work. Ask for suggestions to know their point of view. Make them feel important. Show respect through both your language and demeanor. Don’t start giving advice when your child is asking you to listen. Don’t talk or do other things. Listen. End the conversation when your child is ready to do so, not when you are.

Children often send out the same message in different ways, when they are not understood.’ Remember that 70 to 80 percent of all communication is nonverbal. If you truly have an empathetic heart, you will always be reading the nonverbal cues.’ says Stephen R. Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. Read your child’s facial expressions, body language and non verbal clues. Understand that your child will not agree with everything you say.Respond, don’t react.

Time is your most precious possession and it’s all that your child needs.

Dear dad,on Father's Day

Dearest papa,

I know this letter comes as a surprise to you, it’s my first. It would be the easiest thing for me to come meet you or speak on the phone. But, I know I will choke on words that will get in the way.

We have never really had dad-kid talks, you and I, we always communicated via mom.

Today, as my toddler and teen sit down scribbling a Father’s day card for theirs, I realize I never ever made the effort to tell you anything. We seemed to always say it best by saying nothing at all to each other.

While mom was omnipresent through the growing years, you were a Sunday papa.

You never attended any sports day or annual function or elocution contests which we participated in, you were busy, slogging to make sure that we went to the best school, read the best books meant for our age, swam in the best pool in town and received the best coaching when it came to dance and sports.

You don’t feature in any of our birthday pics, even the ones that have distant relatives; it’s only now that I realize you were the one clicking them.

I know for a fact that grand dad and you looked in opposite directions, you never had a chance to live your childhood, but you ensured we had ours. I find it easy to choose the right reads and toys for my children because, irrelevant to the monthly budget, as soon as Scrabble, Monopoly, Rubik’s cube or the latest editions of Amar Chitra Katha, Enid Blyton and Asterix hit the market stands, you made certain they found place in our home.

Although you spent years eating at canteens, we relished fine dining and developed taste buds to appreciate cuisine from around the world. From five star restaurants to hole in the wall joints that Busy bee later recommended too, you always knew the hotspots of food around town. I remember how you hired one of the then best chef’s in town for a day for our introduction to authentic Chinese cuisine; from entrée to dessert. I remember turning my nose up at it then and how much I savour it now. Way back in the 70’s Tabasco’s zing, Choux pastry and Wasabi were not alien words for us.

I teach my toddler phonics, alphabets and his first words from ‘My First Golden Dictionary’ which you bought when I was 4, it is still the best available even now, when I am 40.As I protectively commute with my teenager everywhere, I remember how you taught us to travel independently via air or railways, in a safer world .

In spite of being extremely possessive about your cars, you generously let your vintage Austin be converted into our school taxi, so that we could commute safely and in style. We always strutted in trendy stuff from head to toe even though kid’s fashion wasn’t a term used in India.

I remember you returning from business tours around the world, carrying cultural curios so that we could learn a little more about the countries .I remember you gently but firmly coaxing us to lend a ear to classical music along side renditions of Khusrau and Boney M so that we refined our taste in fine tuning. I remember watching The Sound of Music when it was not locally available. How you made it mandatory that we met Mumbai’s finest theatre artists and painters par excellence and watched them in action.

As I stress over the future of my kids, worrying about their education, friends, gizmos, habits, I realize how easily ma and you handled the three of us, never once letting us feel the worldly pressures you must have had. My own impatience makes me now rationalize your occasional angry outbursts.

With all our individual success in a life that you allowed us to choose for ourselves, we might not have been the best kids, but, just by being yourself, you are the greatest dad in the world.

When I see you clown around with your grand children today, I see, given a chance, what great buddies we could have been. I love you dad, I always did.

A huge hug,
Your rebel without a cause.

Which college ? What course?

Dear prospective undergrads,
Ssup duddettes and dudes? Now that da celebrations of ur kewl results r over, its tym 4 u to pull up ur socks nd take da next step fwd.

You are done with the 3 R’s-reading, writing and arithmetic at school and now its time for the 3 C’s-vis a vis-college, course, career (not chicklits, cars and clothes, stupid!)

I know and I know that you know, that scoring a distinction does not guarantee desired results in your preferred college. It may have got you goodies from your mama in Mumbai and blessings from masi in Manhattan; even a set of swanky wheels as promised by papa, while mom ensured that all the staff had stuffed their ‘muh meetha’ with malai pedas; but, making it to the merit list of your next alma mater is a different ball game of sorts.

It is also not as easy a task as the one you faced getting through in the best kindergarten, all you had to do then was gurgle and drool while parents took care of the rest of the stuff. Now, you are on your own, cut offs for the country’s top colleges exist and end between 97 % to 95%! No matter whom your big daddy knows, how well, will be good enough to get you through that!

So, there will be a whole load of things you will need to consider. Awright! V need to stroll down memory lane here 4 a moment, when your Pa and Ma were growing up (or so they thought). There was just one decision to make- Science/Commerce/Arts, that done, the path further was paved for them to follow.You, darlings, have the new mantra of gen nexters-‘Options’-career counseling, aptitude tests ,interviews, choices, unending ones at that, to consider and concentrate on, then choose. Confused? Don’t worry, s**t happens!

Without draining your brain, here is ‘Admissions made easy’ in lingo that u dig:

A/S/L-The age of the institution/ strength of its students, co-ed or otherwise and where it is located, matters.

Status-This will have to include, how prestigious the college is and whether it is government recognized or not. (If you have a really rich dad, UGC won’t matter, you could fly to foreign shores for post grad)

FB-Faculty and board members are a very important aspect of ur future mould, be aware of what u expect and should accept.

FYI-If the college notice board provides little or no information, seek the administrative officer’s advise, she /he is meant to be there for you.

CERTI- Be certain to photocopy and attest all your certificates, recommendation letters, exam results, birth certificate. Make separate sets of the same as per applications.

PICS- Photographs on college forms are neither meant to be dowdy zones nor glamour pads, stick to looking smart and sober.

KIT-Keep in touch online with institutions u plan to apply for cut offs, updates, merits.

IDK-Don’t be shy to say ‘I don’t know’, ask 4 all info about the course u wish to pursue.

BOB-Visit the college library and info resources, make sure they don’t believe in buy your own books scenario. Look for a strong and stable think tank back up.

ECA-The quota for extracurricular activity does not include bathroom singers or booty shakers, make sure you are competent enough to represent your college.

WTF-What the food situation in the college canteen is, will matter a lot if you plan to be its resident Taste it, lest it makes you go ‘what the eff ’ ,later.

GF/BF-The network of friends you make now will remain life long, check out college crowd carefully.

LOL-Remember important messages from movies like 3 Idiots, Dil, dosti etc and F.A.L.T.U. Enjoy the best years of your life and all will be well. Just Chillax.

Loadsa luv n luck,
Been der, dn dat.