SURTI BOLLYWOOD ME`LANGE
The ‘twitterati’ is wildly abuzz these days. Netizens tweeting about whether ‘phir miley sur’ is a note above or below the original and very popular patriotic number,’Miley sur mera tumhara, toh sur baney hamara.’

In case you have been wondering who on earth is the singer representing Gujarat, its our very own Parthiv Gohil who sprang to fame while singing ‘Yoon shabnami’ in Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s Saawariya.

Even as Indians love and hate and speculate the new version of miley sur, rightly pointing out the absence of Sachin Tendulkar and Dr.Abdul Kalam Azaad; lots of people have noticed that it is full of Bollywood stars.

While Salman’s heart touching silent gesture speaks more than a million words, people are wondering what on earth is, Miss. long legs aka Deepika Padukone’s contribution and cause.

All in all, Surtis are left hoping they had someone to represent them on the Bollywood brigade.

Surti hottie, Miss.Namitha Vankawala, our Rander gal who makes men go weak in the knees and is the most widely searched southern siren online, along with a temple in her name is the Goddess down south and was not considered to represent either homeland or work abode.

Surti sweetie Prachi Desai who turned from small screen’s favourite biwi –Mrs.Bani Walia to big screen’s sophisticated Mumbai biwi-Mrs.Sakshi Aditya in Rock On, is still a new kid on the block and despite Rock On rocking the audiences; hence was not yet considered to qualify to the level of state representative.


Contrary to belief, Surat has made some great contributions to Bollywood-

The first-Fatima begum-Bollywood’s first lady director, was a Surti.The lady, an Urdu stage artist, entered film line with her debut in’ Veer Abhmanyu’ in 1922 and within four years went on to writing, producing, directing in Bollywood .She launched her company Fatima films and directed ‘Bulbul-e-Paristan.’Extremely fair skinned ,she shone on screen with dark make up and fancy wigs. Though her marriage to the then Nawab of Sachin stood disputed in court, she was independent and followed her dreams. Her daughters -Sultana, Shazadi and Zubeida too went on to rule silent age of silver screen.

The famous-Zubeida-Legendary actress and stunning beauty, debuted at the mere age of 12, at a time when cinema was considered the big bad line for girls. Zubeida, daughter of the Nawab of Sachin and Fatima Begum, was talented at singing and dancing along with the gift of impeccable speech. She went on to become the female lead in India’s first Talkie-Alam Ara.Box office bonanzas jingled cash counters with her strings of successive hits. Highest paid actress of her times, she set the screen on fire with her many characters, from courtesan dancer to mythological ones, from the lead in ‘Sacrifice’-a blockbuster base on Tagore’s ‘Balidaan’, to a circus girl in Zarina, where her steamy scenes sent the censors in a tizzy. Actress Karisma Kapoor acted in and as Zubeida on a movie based on her life. Interestingly, her great grand father, Prithvi Raj Kapoor, was a supporting actor, in Alam Ara. Zubeida later married Maharaj Narsinger Dhanrajgir of Hyderabad and was the mother of eminent corporate figure Humayun Dhanrajgir.

The finest-Sanjeev Kumar-aka Harihar Jethalal Jariwala.Who can ever imagine watching Khilona, Mausam, Aandhi, Anamika, Sholay, Naya din Nayi raat, without the subtle nuances of its sensitive lead hero. An actor par excellence, he was raised in Palsana’s Niyol village, at his maternal uncle’s home- being a child of an estranged home. This superstar who brought to life many brilliantly written characters from Gulzaarsaab and gifted writer Kamleshwar’s scripts along with innumerable other ones, was an unconventional stereotype, whose talent remains unsurpassed in his league. Handsome and a lover of Surti food like ras, rotli, karela, vaal ni daal and idla, Kumar was a down to earth, simpleton who was born to act. Unfortunately, he died much before his time, inspite of having played roles of characters much beyond his age.

The fine tuned-Ismail Durbar-Bold , brash and a complete brat as a child, too, this Surti has the lineage of four generations of musicians .His father owned the Darbar Band and Ismail was trained by his father and later sent to Mumbai, to learn the violin under the expertise of Pt.Ram Prasad Sharma and Shri Ganesh.Since his mother belonged to a family of chefs, few know that Ismail is a great cook himself too and is often handy around the house, giving Biryani and khichdi kadhi a twirl of his other talent . A session violinist for stalwarts like R.D.Burman, Laxmikant Pyaarelal and a host of others, this titan of talent came into his own with Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s ‘Hum dil de chuke sanam.’ Darbar had played the violin for ‘Khamoshi’, Bhansali’s earlier musical. He surprised Sanjay with a couple of compositions when his name was recommended for ‘Hum dil….’the rest is history.Kisna, Devdaas, are other examples of this genius who refuses to leave the culture rich notes of melodious music in these times where instant rhythm rules the flavour of the week chartbusters .

Surti talent is hard to suppress. Whenever our own have entered Bollywood, they have definitely carved a niche `to be leaders in their league.

INDO-PAK GULLY CRICKET………

These are times of hope for peace, when leading artists like Amitabh Bachhan and Gulzaarsaab are trying to revive brotherly bonds across the border by enriching cultural bonds.

However, for reasons unknown to even them, the IPL teams have unfortunately not bid for any Pakistani cricket players this year. Causing as much as zoot, as Shane Warne’s bowling does.

With the spice factors out of the game, cricket lovers are speculating how bland season 3 might just turn out to be.

Since political games are being more widely played than actual sports, it’s about time we think of means of more ‘healthy competition’.

Sachin Tendulkar once said on television, during a past world cup meet, that Pakistan was a wonderful country as a host and that he loved the Biryani there.

Kareena Kapoor recently quoted Abhijat Joshi in the 3 idiots, saying Gujarati snacks have dangerous names like ,’dhokla,fafda,thepla’.

So, maybe we do have a scope of some gully cricket, with a twist.

While Gujarat’s gourmet town- Surat is known for its khau gallis (food lanes), street food in Pakistan’s Gawalmandi, Lahore, too is well known worldwide.

Our ancient texts claim,’Surat nu jaman”as the ultimate experience so also, playwright
Asghar Wajahat penned, ‘Jis Lahore nai dekhya, o jamiyai nai” (he who hasn’t seen Lahore hasn’t lived) lest you think ‘jamiyai’means ‘eaten’ in Gujarati.

So, Surtis are now wondering if, on this 60th Republic day, we could have a series of

60-60 Gully Cricket- Surti street food versus Lahore’s. Here is the match series proposal:

Dear brothers from different mothers, we wonder if we could bowl you over with our Katargaam’s Papdi ma mutton, while you stump us with your Ashraf tikka’s mutton chops.

Maybe you would have us on back foot with the famous foot long Peshawari chappal kebab, fried in gram dal and we could swing our bheja fry topped with lasan nu kachu to send you in a spin.

If your Sardar ki machii can score a hatrick, our Bhandari’s chunky Dara in green masala too is a full toss.

Lest your chikkar choley and phajjey ke paye put us on a sticky wicket, we shall appeal you out with our Delhi darbar‘s tapelu and daal na paya.

Our locha and lapsi will have you making a beeline even as your nalli niharis and haleem get our asking rate soaring.

While your halwa, puri, aloo have all and sundry backing it, our aamras puri undhiyu too are all rounders.

Your sweet pairey, gajrela and jalebi might make our batting order collapse but we too shall score golden ducks with our kesar pista gharis, shrikhand and jalebo.

All sixers and fours with a mélange of sherbets and golaganda ice balls shall be met with equal chills and thrills of our rajwadi ice dishes, raja lassi and A1 cocoa

We could tackle your pistachio and cream rich Kashmiri kawah heat with the fizz of our very own Sosyo and Kashmira soda.

So, let’s break all boundaries, declare fruit salad bowling and paddle sweep politics with this tea towel explanation.

Refrees are to nod in agreement as we together sing the anthem ‘Miley swad mera tumhara, toh swad baney hamara.’

Gully cricket- ‘Jaman ki aasha-yes, this time around, it does mean food for thought.’

Tapi town tattle-Marg above Rajmarg.








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TRAFFIC SAFETY WEAK …ERR WEEK.
Tapi town was all geared up last week. Colourful events were organized, to make its denizens more aware on the serious issue of traffic rules.

The SMC ground besides Chowpatty garden, where Surtis normally enjoy their chatpata street food fare, was chosen as the flag off point.

The band played a solemn tune after which a pledge was taken by the brigade, to make sure that Surtis would be shown safety measures regarding local road travel.

At the crossroads that lead to the circuit house, a sweet voice sang out from a very bad quality speaker, attached to a pole outside the police booth.

Supposedly rendering an awareness song, this was probably penned by a wannabe police poet. It was sharp enough to bring normal traffic to a screeching halt.

The mascots for the event were a bunch of ugly, duplicated zoo zoos.

They looked scary, yet confused (in accordance to the theme, I was told).

Talented children were provided walls of medical and educational institutions to depict their ideas on the subject of road safety.

I hear the event was a huge success; huge amount of fines were collected to prove the same.

Unfortunately, unlike other towns, we Surtis face very different traffic problems. We require special training to combat the same and here are a few suggestions for the next traffic safety week-

The Logo-Karo ya maro.

The Mascot-An athletic looking Surti, in fancy sports gear.

The training programme-

1. Dirt bike racing-For skilled maneuvering over dug up roads that have long lost their cemented cover and provide uphill and downhill terrain within the town.

2. Golfing- The idea here is to have an eye for the potholes and avoid them instead, lest you want a ‘one in the hole ‘for your car tyre. (Promiscuous Surtis sit down and behave yourselves! This has nothing to do with your hero-Tiger)

3. Hundred meter hurdles-Our diversion signs have been so placed on the roads that it requires special skill to avoid them on one side and some jagged edge or vehicle on the other. Vehicles will need to hop, skip and jump for the same.

4. Fencing-As self defense against the cutting edge of our lord of the strings kite runners; pedestrians and bikers will need to master the art of special sword fencing .Thus, cut out chances of a slit hit.

5. Kickboxing-Auto rickshaws that are as jam packed as Trojan horses; with school bound children and slum bound labourers, have riders who specialize in foot signals. They need to be taught to kick a bit higher up so that the left/right signal indication for turns is more prominent.

6. River rafting-To help sail through gutter puddles and flooded areas of over flowing septic tanks and harvested rain water on the roads.

Special long jump and 100 mt.Sprint courses can be developed for pedestrians, who pop out of road dividers.

Also, juggling lessons on how to multitask and handle mobiles, FM channels and children while driving can be held too.

Readers can write in their suggestions, traffic police have assured that ‘prompt action will be taken.’

With present bridgeworks and storm water drainage development going on, the question now is,’ where are the roads?’

Tapi town tattle-Big B in Gandhinagar=Madhushala in Gujarat.

SHELF TO SILVERSCREEN, VERSE TO VISION.
Ashleshaa Khurana.

‘Don’t judge a book by its movie’ reads a sign at India’s leading bookstore. It never fails to bring a knowing smirk to the lips of book lovers. Movie buffs however, couldn’t disagree more; if a picture speaks a thousand words, a movie, surely speaks millions.

Books trigger one’s imagination, build anticipation, stay with you for days and provide detailed nuances of its characters. Cinema breathes life into those characters, in a short span of time unveils the excitement of the story, giving visual and musical appeal that remains ingrained in our photographic memory forever.

Mario Puzo’s The Godfather, immediately brings to mind Marlon Brando’s best known work. The film gave us Al Pacino, James Caan, Robert Duvall to name a few. While lines of the book,’ leave the gun, take the cannoli’,’Im gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse’ are used worldwide as quotes to live by, it’s the scenes from the film that made viewers feel the chill of this ,Francis Ford Copolla’s’ Godfather of all gangster movies.’ For the dead horse in bed shot, they actually got a dead horse’s head from a dog house!

Other than the millions spent over it, cinema making brings along with it, a whole load of new, unknown challenges that book authors do not have to face. Like for Jaws. Based on the book by Peter Benchley, that Steven Spielberg converted into one of the scariest movies ever made. While Spielberg knew exactly how much to hide and reveal to scare viewers, the shark was never tested in water after being built. The beast with hydraulic innards sank straight to the bottom of the ocean’s floor when put in Martha’s Vineyard and it took a team of divers to get it back!

In spite of the plot already being revealed, it’s the magic of the movies that lures the audience to have a dekko at adaptation, predestined scenes of how the lovers will meet, how the hero will vanquish the villain. It is the brilliance of the script and direction along with talented actors that have watchers rolling in the aisles, laughing out loud and bawling their eyes out in public. On the first day of shoot for Alfred Hitchcock’s ace, Psycho, the entire crew was made to raise their right hand and take an oath of secrecy to not divulge the story and its end was withheld by Hitchcock till they needed to shoot it. The shower scene that went 'stabbity stab stab' was scary enough to make viewers wary of ever taking one alone.

Tom Hanks unbeatable, guffaw worthy sentimental drama in and as Forrest Gump,
Bridget Jones’s battle with her age, weight, job and love life in Helen Fielding’s, Diary can only be imagined and understood with the angst of Renée Zellweger.
What verse would be able to describe the then handsome Mickey Rourke’s sensuous seduction of the voluptuous Kim Bassinger, from 9 1/2 weeks?
Could a reader imagine the magnitude of BenHur and its spectacular chariot race, or how macho Rambo was without Sylvester Stallone’s projection; David Morrell’s books that James Cameron’s First Blood were based on had knives and guns on the cover!

Movies travel countries and speak one language, which books unfortunately cannot, being restricted to the language they are written in and often their soul gets lost in translation. It is Cinema that succeeds in transporting talent from verse to vision.

Writer Abhijat Joshi’s favourite pick is, "Pather Panchali because it’s sheer poetry. " Envisage the delight in the scene where Apu and Durga run through Kaash fields to catch a glimpse of the chugging train, from Satyajit Ray’s film on Bibutibhushan Bandhopadhyay’s Bengali novel, considered one of the greatest films of all times.

Culture of Cinema and literacy co-exists and lives off each other creating art from art. Writer Esther David’s choice is the Spanish film,’Like Water for chocolate ‘,based on Mexican writer Laura Esquivel’s novel its,’ Honest to the book’s story line, since the writer did the screenplay herself as well, the film is a celebration of traditions handed down by a generation of Mexican women. Both the book and the film have a mystical, fairytale like quality. Both compliment each other as the characters come alive on screen and fire your imagination with the use of literature and cinematic magic.’

Nothing can beat the sight of your precious cherubic charmers giggling to visuals of, William Steig’s, Shrek, or see them slurp while watching Willie Wonka’s chocolate factory, based on Roald Dahl’s book or watch their jaws drop on seeing ‘real’ Dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.

While teens are patient enough to page through the amazing J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series with its mystical pronunciations, men muster courage to complete the extensive and fabulous J.R Tolkiens, Lord of the Rings and women would give anything to make the Twilight series last forever, just like its lead characters Edward and Jacob, it’s the celluloid charm that lends life and brilliance to these fantasies that then last in the mind forever. Shut your eyes and you will know.

Who would know how suave and sexy Ian Flemings' Bond is, had not Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Daniel Craig and gang shown us. How we have loved the manipulative Scarlett-Vivien Leigh and roguish Rhett Butler-Clarke Gable from Gone With The Wind.How we have danced with Waheeda Rehman’s ambitions in ,’aaj phir jeene ki tamnna hai”that picturised the essence of Dev Anand’s soulful journey based on R.K.Narayan’s book, The Guide.

Shakespeare’s brilliant plots converted into pictorial presence in our very own laugh a minute riot ,Gulzar’s Angoor,in Vishal Bhardwaj’s rustic Maqbool, Omkara and legendary Akira Kurosawa‘s adaptations of Macbeth and King Lear amongst other greats.

Whether its classics like Wuthering heights or Jane Austen’s Pride and prejudice, or Actor Konkona Sen Sharma’s choice -Stanley Kubrick’s satirical science fiction,’A clockwork Orange’ from Anthony Burgess’s novel by the same name and according to her ‘Superb, both the book and film.”, Movies manage to make books memorable.

Books and Films are the world’s favourite pastime .They make us realize what love and life is when we are moist eyed as we read and watch ‘love means never having to say you’re sorry’ and our minds go 'dola rey dola.'

Shut up and celebrate together,idiots!

Shut up and celebrate together, idiots!

The feel-good comedy 3 Idiots, which is turning out to be the most successful Bollywood blockbuster, has a new, sad, ugly twist to it.

Its hero, director, producer and scriptwriter are at a war of words with the writer on whose book the film is ‘loosely’ based.

The eight edition of India’s biggest selling book in the history of English novels says ‘Soon to be a major film’ on its cover; Chetan Bhagat’s ‘Five Point Someone’. The book begins with acknowledgements he has given to ALL the people who mattered in his life and made it possible; from his guru, family, friends, colleagues, classmates, editor, publisher right down to Bill Gates and Microsoft Word!

Little wonder then, that this otherwise soft spoken, popular youth icon was hurt by the fact that he did not get the deserved credit.

The scriptwriter of ‘3 Idiots’, Ahmedabad’s Ace, whose genius penmanship gave us ‘ Lage Raho Munnabhai,has swept almost all awards in the year of its release,Abhijat Joshi, had worked on the story for three years to create a funny yet soul-stirring drama on screen that has many laughing and crying in public.

While Bhagat fans through the country related to the basic concept taken from the book, it were lesser known Abhijat’s childhood buddies who immediately related scenes and incidences to the work and real life incidences of this ex English professor, who has spent his life passionately scripting well acclaimed skits and plays since childhood.

Remember, when ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ won an Oscar for best adapted screenplay, it was Simon Beaufoy who deservedly got it for creating a script that went down so well with the viewers. Not as many would remember Vikram Swarup’s ‘Q & A’, the book on which the movie was based and given deserved credit.
On the other hand, Vidhu Vinod Chopra’s film gives Bhagat credit in the scroll at the end of the film - miss if you blink or are already headed towards the exit.
There is no doubt that the film is more exciting than the book. What is sad however is such great work of sheer collective genius is making the wrong kind of news, since the time it has turned from ‘ours’, into ‘yours’ and ‘mine.’

What’s adapted from the book-
-3 engineering students called idiots by their professor.
-Being ragged and rescued(salt water theory original from Abhijat's college days-Machine lesson on Day 1 and how system of education needs to be changed.
-Chatur, (Abhijat's ace),lightly described as parrot reader Venkat with no major part in book but prominent in film.
-Tank-top drinking and bonding.
-Hero, who is scared to smooch, climbs up the heroine’s bedroom while friends wait below.
-Tyrannical, ugly prof with beautiful daughter and a son who committed suicide due to pressure of studies, leaving behind a suicide note.
-Stealing of exam paper from prof’s office, with keys procured from his daughter, and getting caught later.
-Entire family of one idiot, Raju Rastogi (Alok in book), his mother‘s five year old saree and mutter paneer, constantly crying about expenses, father’s ailment, ugly sister’s Maruti-800 dowry problem, Raju’s shifting to Venkat’s room, dying to get a decent job, suicide attempt at fear of rustication and hospitalization.

SURTI SCAPEGOATS-BULLY KE BAKRE…..
Mister Magan Batla, official Surti alcoholic who is not anonymous, is fuming this New Year. He has decided to hold a dharna right outside a Surti suburb’s fancy police station, below the shady green trees, where the cool breeze blows.

He is extremely upset and angry with the system; and has decided enough is enough,’maari maang poori karo!”(I want my demand met).

Since the system couldn’t handle him, or rather dint know how to, his wife, Ms.Aunty Batli requested me if I could convince him to give up and come home.

‘Shun thayu kaka? Chalo, gharbhega thay jao’ (what happened uncle? come, lets go home) I inquired.

He refused to budge, saying, ‘This is not fair, how can they do this? The entire world celebrates New Year’s Eve, in ‘high spirits’. Year after year, it has always been the same. I have spent my life party hopping on 31st December, hoping that I get some coverage, and what do I get in return? Nothing! This year was a once in a blue moon chance and look what they did; they went and caught some naïve young kids instead of a stalwart like me!

Most of these bachhas do not even know about the consequences and a PHD (properly high on daru) like me is shown no respect for seniority! Shame! While these children are splashed over in news, lashed out at by Surti morale makers and talked about by everyone who has a tongue. This is torture, I resolve to give up alcohol, it’s got me nothing!’

Mr.Magan Batla’s New Year resolution list for Tapi towners –

For tragedy queen mothers- Stop crying. It’s not the end of the world if some ‘well wishers’ come and accuse,’maa da ladla bigad gaya.’your child and his wife are adults now. Remember the time you were young, wild and fancyfree, try to bridge the gap; if under 18, though, they need counseling, pronto!

For little boys’ rich big daddies-Its no big deal if you sneakily tried to get your kid out with your clout, you just showed him a route to escape .Let him grow up the way his other less fortunate friends have, if you want him to learn how to handle himself in future.

For Surtis with double standards-Shut up! Don’t try and create a scandal where there is none. We do not need your wild imagination to add on to someone’s nightmare. Be fully aware, it could easily have been you instead of them.

For the scapegoats-Sorry kids, shit happens! You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Take it in your stride, practice caution, remember to NEVER ever, drink and drive.

For the sahibs in the system-Why this biased treatment, with ‘smelt a brat’ testing system? Have you no respect for senior players like me -Magan Batla? Did you not notice all other places that I visited all around town on New Year’s Eve? Were we not fancy enough for you?
Bakra Ney budley tabbariya kem halaal karya? (why did you spare the goat and sacrifice the ‘kids’ instead)

Tapi town tattle-Aall iz well, even if it doesn’t end well, sometimes.