FOREIGN LANGUAGE………..
Come summer and Surtis are set for either travel or training. While most Tapi towners take off for an annual leave to maternal homes or cooler surroundings, the ones that stay behind ,join classes to learn a new talent. Be it swimming, dances, music etc.classes around town are jam packed with enthusiasts- old and young. As is the case in other towns, grooming and language classes are also very popular in Surat.

Most metros have people who enroll to learn a foreign language like French, German or Spanish. Surat too, has a host of language courses to choose from, that are run by efficient and talented tutors. The most popular courses to learn a ‘foreign language’ in our town are easily the ‘English language classes’. Drive around Surti streets and one can find bold hoardings showing elderly bespectacled gentlemen pointing a firm finger[no pun intended] boldly stating,’ learn English in 70 hours’, ‘Spoken English classes’, 'Fluent English in 62 hours’.
Since these hoardings are at the most prominent places around town, they must be doing brisk business to afford the same. Crash courses to learn English do seem to be the order of the day, but that is not a new concept;Since the late 70’s ‘spoken English’ classes have been very popular with locals who cherished N.R.I dreams but had studied in the vernacular medium. These classes prepared them to apply and understand basic visa power needs and functioning in the land of uncle Sam or its neighboring countries.

Nowadays, English is learnt as part of ‘personality development.’Systematic worksheets are prepared in accordance to the course.’Business English’, ‘Student English’,’ English for good impression’, you name it they have it ,custom made to your needs. As easy as apple pie.But alas! It still remains as a talent learnt and not one that is used. As my pretty, professor friend states,’ in Surat, English is looked upon as a subject and not as a language of communication.’ Speak a straight sentence in English to any Surti and the first thing you will be questioned is,’tamey kyaa na cho?”

It is not as if Surtis do not speak in English, they do so, adapting it in their own way. Most also speak it with a lisp to sound stylish, for e.g.’dhress’for dress or ‘firsht’ for first and so on. Also Wren and Martin can go quiver their bones because Surtis have their own set of grammar,’ don’t fall my bag’,’ Are you Mrs?’Etc.Surtis also write and spell in a phonetic manner ,our municipal corporation has official direction signboards that read,'Narmad Laibrary'!

As has been the culture of Surtis, over the centuries, many languages have found their way into our lingo. We have adopted ‘badam’, ‘pista’,’narangi’,’tadbuj’,’bhet sogaad’,’naukri-dhandho’,nafo toto’,’naseebwaan’etc,words from Persian language,numerous ones like ‘tabelo’,batata’,’pao,’’pagar’,’chavi’from the Portuguese,’adalat’,’jamin’,’zilla’ etc.from the Arabic language. While these and many other foreign words got an official standing in the Gujarati language that Surtis speak as their own, English remains a distant, distinct out caste as such.

Shakespeare’s plays in India were first adapted and performed after being translated to Gujarati ,in Surat; they were done so by the Parsis. The British ship ‘Hector’ first sailed in, during 1608, in Surat, which was actually the ‘Gateway to India' then. English, however, remains a ‘foreign language' here, till date.

Tapi town tattle-Who shook and took the hand of friendship to a 'Jai ho' victory? Slumdogs and millionaires!

WHAT WOO MEN NEED, WHAT WOMEN WANT..........
Its V-day week and Tapi town has been seeing red [its love, not bankruptcy silly].All over Surat, you have in your face sign boards, posters, huge heart shaped bouquets, tiny heart shaped pizzas and pastries, an array of chocolates, perfumes and soft toys on display to tease and tempt lovers lest you forget 14th Feb. Jewellers and car companies are trying to teach gentlemen that a lady loves diamonds and fast cars. Fashion stores are promoting racy, lacy stuff to ignite passion.
For the metrosexual men, vanity is in vogue and salons for men are offering special prepping up packages where guys can have an ‘ouch on the couch’ experience with chocolate waxing, eyebrow threading, facials, manicure-pedicure so that they may put their best foot forward and impress.
Even after all this, men, like the learned philosopher Freud are still clueless about what women want. Although our P.M .and C.M. are not romantic; there is no reason you should not be.
Love happens; you can’t go looking for it. In a new love story, writer Paulo Coelho puts forth a theory for love- there are three kinds, Eros-which is the discovering the sentiment, Philos-which is the friendship element that keeps love going and Agape –the kind that is all consuming, so like our Pyaar,Ishq and Mohabbat. Whichever phase you are going through, you can always add more fun to it.
Maybe, there is a Mars and Venus theory, where most men often fantasize future of their love life while women linger in the memories of love. So, here are some dramatic ways to celebrate, that can make both these possible. The most romantic Hollywood film scenes; which you may enact in Surat; to make V-day ‘An affair to remember’, as long as our Eiffel is still intact.
1. ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’- Order in or don an apron and prepare for her, a breakfast in bed. Place it in a fancy tray with a fashion magazine she can browse through, as you spoon feed her.
2. ‘Shall we dance?’-Even if you have two left feet, enrol for salsa and tango lessons at a local dance class at Citylight or Ghodod, watch the passion soar.
3. ‘Message in a bottle’-hunt around the shanivaar bazaar area or old city market for an antique bottle, write a love note, seal with a cork and place where she will it discover by chance.
4. ‘Autumn in New York’-drive out to Palsana, Dumas or Adajan, and then under shady trees, leisurely jaywalk and talk.Dont forget to hold hands all the way.
5. ‘Captain Corelli’s mandolin’- croak like a frog? Never mind, learn her favourite song and render it out as you strum a mock guitar, in public.
6. ‘You’ve got mail’-Email or sms her a surprise date venue, meet her there directly and spend the day talking, at a coffee shop, buying flowers, fruits at the local market etc.
7. ‘Titanic’-Hire a boat by night on the Tapti; take her for a starlit, serene boat ride. Strike a pose.
8. ‘Gone with the wind’-Take a horse carriage ride, vintage style from Piplod to Dumas, look deep into her eyes as you tell her how much you love her, because that’s really all that a woman wants, from her woo man.
TAPI TOWN TATTLE-What happened to the fiery, Chand –Fiza love story? It fizzled out!