WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN
With V day just a week away, the entire world has already begun its 7 day countdown serenade.

Never in the history of mankind has it been easier for humans to know how to fall in love!

From toddlers of nursery to toothless oldies, there is something for everyone.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, a little red heart will be staring at you.

Television commercials, newspaper advertisements, mobile sms, roadside hoardings, radio jingles, internet sites, florists, choclatiers, coffee cafes, restaurants, resorts, audio c.d.s,card and curios stalls, malls, perfumeries, grocery stores, toy shops, beauty saloons, car showrooms, films……….the virus of V day is so well spread by the multi billion moolah industry that revolves around it, its impossible to escape it.

Bottom line is, men fall in love with what they see and women fall in love with what they hear.

Since everyone only advises what mushy things to do on V-day, here is a rare manuscript that’s not pretty but practical.

Dr.Dilphenk Majnu’s,’ Wise advice on what not to do on V-day or otherwise’-


1. Bill apna aur treat parayi-Never get pressured to over spend on a gift thinking the costlier it is, the happier she will be. Someone, somewhere will always have spent more than you, she will point it out. Not worth it.

2. When Hairy met Saali-A must for all Surti lala’s watch you words and pronunciation. Swearing might come to you naturally but it’s a big no- no when you are trying to impress the lady you love.

3. Step, mom-Agreed you all are mostly mommy’s boys and that’s fine. Mommies are nice, but girlfriends and wives can never compete with one to be good enough. Kindly refrain from beginning all sentences with,’ma kehti hai’in the beginning of a relationship.

4. Hum deal de chukey sanam-Never ever take your woman for granted. They love the idea of being romanced, so make each day special in your own little way and watch them reciprocate tenfold.

5. Sleep less in seattle-Well, contrary to what most of you might think, a woman’s idea about love doesn’t begin and end with you know what. Hence try to think of other, innovative ways to make her happy.

6. Memoirs of gay shah-Parties in Mumbai and Delhi are proof enough of the changing trend in choice for men. While each one is entitled to his own opinion in a democracy, kindly abstain from any activity which gives the slightest inclination to your lady that you are not straight; else, watch her run a mile.

7. Gone, with the wind-Hygiene, guys, is a must. If you must do your thing and burp and break wind, please rush to do so in private surroundings. No chance anyone is going to put up with that, however much in love they might be. (Sorry the ‘natural’ theory doesn’t work here).

8. Love, story-Do not ever sideline a good tale saying,’it happens only in movies’. Women believe in fairytales, however old they are and therefore, love being swept off their feet.

9.Falling ,in love-If you bend all the way backwards, trouble is, she might take you for granted and not value just how much you are willing to do .Hold your own, don’t go beyond a point with something you do not believe in and feel miserable doing.

10. P.s.-I love you-Most important, while men do everything else to make the woman in their life happy; they often forget to tell her the one thing that she would rather hear. Make it the first, not the last.

WHAT WOO MEN NEED, WHAT WOMEN WANT..........
Its V-day week and Tapi town has been seeing red [its love, not bankruptcy silly].All over Surat, you have in your face sign boards, posters, huge heart shaped bouquets, tiny heart shaped pizzas and pastries, an array of chocolates, perfumes and soft toys on display to tease and tempt lovers lest you forget 14th Feb. Jewellers and car companies are trying to teach gentlemen that a lady loves diamonds and fast cars. Fashion stores are promoting racy, lacy stuff to ignite passion.
For the metrosexual men, vanity is in vogue and salons for men are offering special prepping up packages where guys can have an ‘ouch on the couch’ experience with chocolate waxing, eyebrow threading, facials, manicure-pedicure so that they may put their best foot forward and impress.
Even after all this, men, like the learned philosopher Freud are still clueless about what women want. Although our P.M .and C.M. are not romantic; there is no reason you should not be.
Love happens; you can’t go looking for it. In a new love story, writer Paulo Coelho puts forth a theory for love- there are three kinds, Eros-which is the discovering the sentiment, Philos-which is the friendship element that keeps love going and Agape –the kind that is all consuming, so like our Pyaar,Ishq and Mohabbat. Whichever phase you are going through, you can always add more fun to it.
Maybe, there is a Mars and Venus theory, where most men often fantasize future of their love life while women linger in the memories of love. So, here are some dramatic ways to celebrate, that can make both these possible. The most romantic Hollywood film scenes; which you may enact in Surat; to make V-day ‘An affair to remember’, as long as our Eiffel is still intact.
1. ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’- Order in or don an apron and prepare for her, a breakfast in bed. Place it in a fancy tray with a fashion magazine she can browse through, as you spoon feed her.
2. ‘Shall we dance?’-Even if you have two left feet, enrol for salsa and tango lessons at a local dance class at Citylight or Ghodod, watch the passion soar.
3. ‘Message in a bottle’-hunt around the shanivaar bazaar area or old city market for an antique bottle, write a love note, seal with a cork and place where she will it discover by chance.
4. ‘Autumn in New York’-drive out to Palsana, Dumas or Adajan, and then under shady trees, leisurely jaywalk and talk.Dont forget to hold hands all the way.
5. ‘Captain Corelli’s mandolin’- croak like a frog? Never mind, learn her favourite song and render it out as you strum a mock guitar, in public.
6. ‘You’ve got mail’-Email or sms her a surprise date venue, meet her there directly and spend the day talking, at a coffee shop, buying flowers, fruits at the local market etc.
7. ‘Titanic’-Hire a boat by night on the Tapti; take her for a starlit, serene boat ride. Strike a pose.
8. ‘Gone with the wind’-Take a horse carriage ride, vintage style from Piplod to Dumas, look deep into her eyes as you tell her how much you love her, because that’s really all that a woman wants, from her woo man.
TAPI TOWN TATTLE-What happened to the fiery, Chand –Fiza love story? It fizzled out!