RESPECTED VIP, KINDLY RSVP
Dear VIP (very important politician),
Heartiest congratulations mister minister, from all us Surtis of this sparkling diamond city! Your contribution to our town has been quiet unequivocal and praiseworthy, in lieu of which you have been chosen to inaugurate our eighth flyover.
Built at a cost of Rs.59 crore, this 962 meters long piece of architecture is ‘Hors de prix’-priceless, because of the fact that not only did we uproot our signature mini Eiffel tower for it but also that denizens of an age group that ranges from kids upto the ready to kick the bucket kind, residing around it went through several sleepless nights so that it could be constructed in good time.
Many a night, beyond 1 a.m in the mornings, when the noise got unbearable and disturbed ailing elders, board exam students, pregnant mothers to be, newly born infants and us all, most of us dialed 100 to place a complaint at the Umra police station in vain, as we were promptly told to grin and bear the drone till the wee hours of the morning since, “flyover publicna sukh maatey baney chey, jetlu jaldi bani jay, public ne laabh thay.”(The flyover is for the benefit of the public, the earlier it is constructed, the better)
While the citizens of this area have sacrificed their sleep and are waiting to exhale with a sigh of relief to breathe easy, there are other Surtis who have sacrificed sweat,burnt petrol and boiled blood while trying to maneuver their vehicles with extreme difficulty on the rain ravished pot holed single track lanes, desperately awaiting the flyover to take over the problem of saving precious time, if not kilometers by smoothly branching out traffic.
School buses and the bachha brigade that rides on them are looking forward to return home earlier, Ambulances and fire brigade rescuers hope to reach their destinations faster, travelers to and from the airport where the lone flight arrives and departs during busy traffic hours within the town are looking forward to the brisk connectivity, as are railway passengers who will be able to access the station sooner. Surtis, who regularly saunter out on Sundays in search of the Arabian Sea, are looking to fly high over Parle Point’s first and only flyover that exists in this part of the town.
Since Diwali, we await the inaugural of the same and while officials are still non committal about the D date, we are sure you would know better about the reason why the same has been indefinitely delayed and postponed.
We Surtis are known to treat our guests like gods-Atithi Devo Bhav is our motto and out of habit, we shall tend to tempt you with our winter goodies such as Undhiyu, Ponk and Salempak.
Kindly take this request in right earnest and request your office to provide you a date so that you may grace the occasion of the Parle Point flyover’s inauguration with your august presence this December, so that we may all have a happy new year.
Truly, your sincere Surtis.
P.S.-While we make the best hosts, the average Surti does not care who takes the credit of this bone of contention between man and minister, because the priority here is about facility to, for and by the public, which was the original purpose. With our past record of inaugurating the Amroli bridge by ourselves and the present rumor of a Facebook campaign to walk over the flyover, hurry before we banish the barricades!
Showing posts with label narendra modi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label narendra modi. Show all posts
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Sunday, November 29, 2009
RAPID SURTI SPEAKING COURSE………..
Gujarati, the first language of Gandhiji, the father of our nation and Jinnah, the father of Pakistan is considered one of the easiest languages to learn.
Its history dates back to the 12th century. Its base is from the Sanskrit language and its appearance differs from Devnagri with the absence of the horizontal line above the alphabets.
Between the 14th and 17th century, Urdu and Persian, which were court languages, greatly influenced Gujarati; The Avesta and Pahlavi were translated into it. Gujarati therefore, can be written in Persian and Arabic scripts and is, still done so, in parts of Kutch.
Narsinh Mehta provided it the power of expression, while Alexander Kinloch Forbes added British romanticism and style to it.
One of the most notable contributors to the language was Surti poet Narmad Shankar Dave. He introduced Grammar, essay writing, autobiography and dictionary to the language, purifying it.
Part of the city continues to speak it politely, as he had molded it.’Kem cho, shu kaam chey’. [How are you, what do you want?]
However, for a major part of the city, Surti language today, is a far cry from what Narmad had developed.
Some areas in Tapi town are witness to cute conversations like ‘heya si ta aney ta si heya’ [from here to there and there to here] like our Dawoodi Bohra community speaks or to the subtle, sweet soirees of the Parsis,’Mareyre, fatimua! Bhonu jamva chal, jov.’[Come have your food!]
With the advent of artisans, tribals and peasants, not to mention the unabashed nature of our Khatri, Ghanchi and Gola brothers and sisters, the language got colourful influence, to change as never before.
Visitors from the ‘Propah’ cities of Ahmedabad and Vadodra are aghast upon hearing Surti language.
Migrants from Punjab and up North have actually adopted it, feeling at home with its profanity.
Marwadis; however remain under much shock till date and end up saying,’Hamarey Calcutta mein aisa nahi hota hai,’ for a change.
The good thing about Surti language is that it is very much uncomplicated and extremely easy to learn.So, here is a quick and easy guide.
Lesson # 1.Stress on the alphabets D and T, make them sound double like DD and TT. E.g. kidhu= kiddhu and nathi =natthi.
Lesson # 2.Reverse swing, de stress the alphabets DD and TT and make them sound single like D and T.e.g, vadd=vad and tattoo=tatoo.
Lesson # 3.Everything that ends with DA is to be pronounced as RA e.g. Kapra [clothes], Chopra [books]
Lesson# 4.Importance of ‘who’.Everything, in Surti mostly revolves around ‘who’
e.g.-‘who karey chey’=wassup dude?
‘who vaatt chey’=wow!
‘mein who kiddhu?”=what did I say?
‘who karvanu chey?”=what should we do?
‘who joiye chey? =what do you want?
Lesson #5.Importance of ‘what’. You don’t need to be a Biology student, but it would help you to speak Surti better if you were one.Surti language greatly depends on mentionable and unmentionable, printable and unprintable body parts of your father,mother,sister,brother in law etc.
e.g.-‘tara baap nu kapaal’=your father’s forehead.
Err…..reader discretion advised for other examples.
And that is really all there is, to ‘Surti bhasha’, as spoken.
Tapi town tattle-Modi marathon.
Gujarati, the first language of Gandhiji, the father of our nation and Jinnah, the father of Pakistan is considered one of the easiest languages to learn.
Its history dates back to the 12th century. Its base is from the Sanskrit language and its appearance differs from Devnagri with the absence of the horizontal line above the alphabets.
Between the 14th and 17th century, Urdu and Persian, which were court languages, greatly influenced Gujarati; The Avesta and Pahlavi were translated into it. Gujarati therefore, can be written in Persian and Arabic scripts and is, still done so, in parts of Kutch.
Narsinh Mehta provided it the power of expression, while Alexander Kinloch Forbes added British romanticism and style to it.
One of the most notable contributors to the language was Surti poet Narmad Shankar Dave. He introduced Grammar, essay writing, autobiography and dictionary to the language, purifying it.
Part of the city continues to speak it politely, as he had molded it.’Kem cho, shu kaam chey’. [How are you, what do you want?]
However, for a major part of the city, Surti language today, is a far cry from what Narmad had developed.
Some areas in Tapi town are witness to cute conversations like ‘heya si ta aney ta si heya’ [from here to there and there to here] like our Dawoodi Bohra community speaks or to the subtle, sweet soirees of the Parsis,’Mareyre, fatimua! Bhonu jamva chal, jov.’[Come have your food!]
With the advent of artisans, tribals and peasants, not to mention the unabashed nature of our Khatri, Ghanchi and Gola brothers and sisters, the language got colourful influence, to change as never before.
Visitors from the ‘Propah’ cities of Ahmedabad and Vadodra are aghast upon hearing Surti language.
Migrants from Punjab and up North have actually adopted it, feeling at home with its profanity.
Marwadis; however remain under much shock till date and end up saying,’Hamarey Calcutta mein aisa nahi hota hai,’ for a change.
The good thing about Surti language is that it is very much uncomplicated and extremely easy to learn.So, here is a quick and easy guide.
Lesson # 1.Stress on the alphabets D and T, make them sound double like DD and TT. E.g. kidhu= kiddhu and nathi =natthi.
Lesson # 2.Reverse swing, de stress the alphabets DD and TT and make them sound single like D and T.e.g, vadd=vad and tattoo=tatoo.
Lesson # 3.Everything that ends with DA is to be pronounced as RA e.g. Kapra [clothes], Chopra [books]
Lesson# 4.Importance of ‘who’.Everything, in Surti mostly revolves around ‘who’
e.g.-‘who karey chey’=wassup dude?
‘who vaatt chey’=wow!
‘mein who kiddhu?”=what did I say?
‘who karvanu chey?”=what should we do?
‘who joiye chey? =what do you want?
Lesson #5.Importance of ‘what’. You don’t need to be a Biology student, but it would help you to speak Surti better if you were one.Surti language greatly depends on mentionable and unmentionable, printable and unprintable body parts of your father,mother,sister,brother in law etc.
e.g.-‘tara baap nu kapaal’=your father’s forehead.
Err…..reader discretion advised for other examples.
And that is really all there is, to ‘Surti bhasha’, as spoken.
Tapi town tattle-Modi marathon.
Friday, October 3, 2008
BEEDI JALAYLE JI GHAR SE PIYA.............
Homemakers around the country better spruce up their singing skills to render sunidhi’s sultry number with a twist. With the ban on smoking in public places now implemented what better place for the guys to smoke, than at home? But then again, that’s one place most of them usually don’t so its catch 22.
A man and his beedi is private stuff that most men love to perform publicly. The vice it seems is generally developed at a young age when visual fascination by an elder blowing up smoke seems like magic. Then comes the stage of excitement when one has learnt to smoke and can show off. Later it turns into a habit as a stress buster and ultimately turns into a weapon to fight depression, or so one feels.
Smoking like most other vices has great visual appeal, therefore a lot of people think that what you don’t see, you cannot develop. Now that the opportunity is not available, the going is tough for the puff to get going. Many women are happy since the men now have to hide too!
Some brainy businessmen are thinking of putting up a proposal for a ‘sulabh suttachalay’ next to the pee booths by similar name because a man’s gotta go when he’s gotta go they say.
Some dread the thought of the fine ,more so because they now think they will have to pay up girlfriends, wives and moms,everytime they put the butt to mouth.
So called Eco-friendly waste management plants are planning to begin party plots at their sites for smokers where smokers can feel free to blow and put ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
Car companies are very excited about the fact that their product can now be advertised as a smoking zone, till now, people used cars for other fun things .A special smoke screen glass is rumoured to be designed for the fancy upgraded versions.
Smoking zones in hotels are causing space constraint to the same, previously it was just eyewash, all they had to do is put up tags stating ‘non smoking’ and ‘smoking ‘sections, never mind if it blew all around, now they need to make an effort put up a cabin for the purpose.
Doctors, Surgeons, Heart specialists, Mouth freshener manufacturers, chewing gum companies, and saunf supari dealers are all under pressure. They say if the present generation and ones to come after them voluntarily give up smoking and decide to abide by the health route, the crowd above will need to close shop and be out of business.
Government might add new taxes in wake of the loss that will be occurred by the revenue ciggie companies paid up.
Writers, sleuths and self made Sherlocks are coming up with bright new ideas as think tanks for cigarette manufacturers to lure the lost crowd.
Ramadossji might as well be appointed the next finance minister since in this age of pink slips; his one move has generated a whole load of new jobs.
Gujarat government is observing the prohibition week, not booze, silly, its smoke!
Last heard, plans to accuse Bush of spreading so much smoke around the world in the name of anti terrorism were being made. For all you know, we might give him a ‘tadipar’ from our smoke free state for sure.
Homemakers around the country better spruce up their singing skills to render sunidhi’s sultry number with a twist. With the ban on smoking in public places now implemented what better place for the guys to smoke, than at home? But then again, that’s one place most of them usually don’t so its catch 22.
A man and his beedi is private stuff that most men love to perform publicly. The vice it seems is generally developed at a young age when visual fascination by an elder blowing up smoke seems like magic. Then comes the stage of excitement when one has learnt to smoke and can show off. Later it turns into a habit as a stress buster and ultimately turns into a weapon to fight depression, or so one feels.
Smoking like most other vices has great visual appeal, therefore a lot of people think that what you don’t see, you cannot develop. Now that the opportunity is not available, the going is tough for the puff to get going. Many women are happy since the men now have to hide too!
Some brainy businessmen are thinking of putting up a proposal for a ‘sulabh suttachalay’ next to the pee booths by similar name because a man’s gotta go when he’s gotta go they say.
Some dread the thought of the fine ,more so because they now think they will have to pay up girlfriends, wives and moms,everytime they put the butt to mouth.
So called Eco-friendly waste management plants are planning to begin party plots at their sites for smokers where smokers can feel free to blow and put ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
Car companies are very excited about the fact that their product can now be advertised as a smoking zone, till now, people used cars for other fun things .A special smoke screen glass is rumoured to be designed for the fancy upgraded versions.
Smoking zones in hotels are causing space constraint to the same, previously it was just eyewash, all they had to do is put up tags stating ‘non smoking’ and ‘smoking ‘sections, never mind if it blew all around, now they need to make an effort put up a cabin for the purpose.
Doctors, Surgeons, Heart specialists, Mouth freshener manufacturers, chewing gum companies, and saunf supari dealers are all under pressure. They say if the present generation and ones to come after them voluntarily give up smoking and decide to abide by the health route, the crowd above will need to close shop and be out of business.
Government might add new taxes in wake of the loss that will be occurred by the revenue ciggie companies paid up.
Writers, sleuths and self made Sherlocks are coming up with bright new ideas as think tanks for cigarette manufacturers to lure the lost crowd.
Ramadossji might as well be appointed the next finance minister since in this age of pink slips; his one move has generated a whole load of new jobs.
Gujarat government is observing the prohibition week, not booze, silly, its smoke!
Last heard, plans to accuse Bush of spreading so much smoke around the world in the name of anti terrorism were being made. For all you know, we might give him a ‘tadipar’ from our smoke free state for sure.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
SUREFIRE SURTI VISAPOWER....................
In wake of the most powerful man in Gujarat being denied authorization to enter the U.S of A, there is hearsay that Gujarati Diaspora are on the hunt; apparently, they are looking for the person who granted Bush and allies visa to Iraq.
People are also saying that some sentimental Surtis in Washington, supposedly protested outside the White House singing Altaf Raja’s classic,’Tum toh therey pardesi, saath kyaa nibhaogey?’But the White House feigned ignorance.
Rumours are rife around Tapitown that certain social service groups have pulled up their socks to publish pamphlets that give important tips on how to obtain visa; for the benefit of non Surtis.
The visa pamphlet will be state of the art, after all VIPs will be reading it. Obtaining a visa, particularly to America is as easy as apple pie for us Surtis. Most of our town and hundreds of villages under its jurisdiction have family or friends residing there through sheer Surti skills. Looks like the Surtis are hell-bent on proving that one need not be a rocket scientist or score an aptitude excel to procure an endorsement from the land of uncle Sam. Anyone can get one.Errrr........well, almost.
Speculation is soaring that there might be a Surti survey, asking us to pool in our thoughts and ideas too. A little bird told me that the‘kabootarbaaz clan’ will even be paid for sureshot tips.For the benefit of Non-Surtis [who will need the tips], the pamphlet is supposed to be printed in a bilingual format; Hindi and English. I have for you an exclusive sneak peak on a few of the tips that are proposed for printing..................
In English it will say’ Visa power-Go get it.’ The Hindi one is’ Kabootar ja ja-Dhoondtey reh jaogey.’
1.Dhandhey pey dhyaan do-First of all, officially change your surname to Patel.Next,prepare a blue print of a motel and a proposal for setting up one .Name any remote location in America where you want to set it up, there are never enough motels in the U.S..Visa provided -10 years.
2. Mein bhi Madonna-Join a singing and dance troupe for the upcoming Navratri festival.Enroll yourself for singing classes and render out a ‘sanedo’ in the visa office. Make sure they stamp on ‘granted’ before they run for cover thinking it’s an audio terror attack. Visa term -3 months.
3. Bhavna o ko samjho-Arrange a mock marriage with your visiting friend, cousin or stranger from the U.S., take along enormous wedding picture album for authenticity. Make sure you have the mehndi pics too. Yankees love tattoos. Visa power-green card nominee.
4. Chak de kamaal-Organise a team of players who play lakhotis, gillidanda and ambli pipli.Tell the authorities you need to create worldwide awareness towards these sports for official entry to the 2012 London Olympics since Gujarat has no representative for the same, yet. Visa permit-6 months.
5. Dur Darshan-Say you need to attend an international seminar of an Indian guru gyaani.Since tickets are not available for national ones and Indian electronic media is advising ‘baba-darr, shun’. You will also tour to visit temples abroad and throw in a trip to the Grand Canyon on your to do list; never mind if you end up going to Vegas instead. Visa wish-1 year.
6. Bachey budhey aur jawan-A popular one for family transfer; Gather neighbourhood kids, adults ,oldies and prepare an invitation of cultural inter school camp/medical treatment camp/Disneyland trip. More the merrier also has added benefit of a free ticket. Visa required-2 weeks [often self converted to lifetime]
Unfortunately, our esteemed chief minister cannot avail any of the above tips. He is a famous figure and a CM, not a common man. Since 2005, he is being sanctioned only a VC [video conference] and not a visa.
Tattle from a loose tongued Dallas Surti last week was that he had heard that American Gujaratis might shift the Chalo Gujarat celebration venue from U.S. to China next year.
Then there was word from the educated New York Surtis that all important Gujarati NRIs might visit Gujarat next year.’ What is that one about the mountain going to Mohammed?”They asked.
Many Surtis now feel that in future,our CM should refuse to visit America. Even if they roll out the red carpet for him and allow him a bumper diplomat package deal, he must deny the desire. It is said Surtis are very hurt; by repeatedly denying permit, they feel Washington has violated his human right, the right to an American visa.
For,when it comes to visas or permit, Surtis maintain,’Haq se maango!’
In wake of the most powerful man in Gujarat being denied authorization to enter the U.S of A, there is hearsay that Gujarati Diaspora are on the hunt; apparently, they are looking for the person who granted Bush and allies visa to Iraq.
People are also saying that some sentimental Surtis in Washington, supposedly protested outside the White House singing Altaf Raja’s classic,’Tum toh therey pardesi, saath kyaa nibhaogey?’But the White House feigned ignorance.
Rumours are rife around Tapitown that certain social service groups have pulled up their socks to publish pamphlets that give important tips on how to obtain visa; for the benefit of non Surtis.
The visa pamphlet will be state of the art, after all VIPs will be reading it. Obtaining a visa, particularly to America is as easy as apple pie for us Surtis. Most of our town and hundreds of villages under its jurisdiction have family or friends residing there through sheer Surti skills. Looks like the Surtis are hell-bent on proving that one need not be a rocket scientist or score an aptitude excel to procure an endorsement from the land of uncle Sam. Anyone can get one.Errrr........well, almost.
Speculation is soaring that there might be a Surti survey, asking us to pool in our thoughts and ideas too. A little bird told me that the‘kabootarbaaz clan’ will even be paid for sureshot tips.For the benefit of Non-Surtis [who will need the tips], the pamphlet is supposed to be printed in a bilingual format; Hindi and English. I have for you an exclusive sneak peak on a few of the tips that are proposed for printing..................
In English it will say’ Visa power-Go get it.’ The Hindi one is’ Kabootar ja ja-Dhoondtey reh jaogey.’
1.Dhandhey pey dhyaan do-First of all, officially change your surname to Patel.Next,prepare a blue print of a motel and a proposal for setting up one .Name any remote location in America where you want to set it up, there are never enough motels in the U.S..Visa provided -10 years.
2. Mein bhi Madonna-Join a singing and dance troupe for the upcoming Navratri festival.Enroll yourself for singing classes and render out a ‘sanedo’ in the visa office. Make sure they stamp on ‘granted’ before they run for cover thinking it’s an audio terror attack. Visa term -3 months.
3. Bhavna o ko samjho-Arrange a mock marriage with your visiting friend, cousin or stranger from the U.S., take along enormous wedding picture album for authenticity. Make sure you have the mehndi pics too. Yankees love tattoos. Visa power-green card nominee.
4. Chak de kamaal-Organise a team of players who play lakhotis, gillidanda and ambli pipli.Tell the authorities you need to create worldwide awareness towards these sports for official entry to the 2012 London Olympics since Gujarat has no representative for the same, yet. Visa permit-6 months.
5. Dur Darshan-Say you need to attend an international seminar of an Indian guru gyaani.Since tickets are not available for national ones and Indian electronic media is advising ‘baba-darr, shun’. You will also tour to visit temples abroad and throw in a trip to the Grand Canyon on your to do list; never mind if you end up going to Vegas instead. Visa wish-1 year.
6. Bachey budhey aur jawan-A popular one for family transfer; Gather neighbourhood kids, adults ,oldies and prepare an invitation of cultural inter school camp/medical treatment camp/Disneyland trip. More the merrier also has added benefit of a free ticket. Visa required-2 weeks [often self converted to lifetime]
Unfortunately, our esteemed chief minister cannot avail any of the above tips. He is a famous figure and a CM, not a common man. Since 2005, he is being sanctioned only a VC [video conference] and not a visa.
Tattle from a loose tongued Dallas Surti last week was that he had heard that American Gujaratis might shift the Chalo Gujarat celebration venue from U.S. to China next year.
Then there was word from the educated New York Surtis that all important Gujarati NRIs might visit Gujarat next year.’ What is that one about the mountain going to Mohammed?”They asked.
Many Surtis now feel that in future,our CM should refuse to visit America. Even if they roll out the red carpet for him and allow him a bumper diplomat package deal, he must deny the desire. It is said Surtis are very hurt; by repeatedly denying permit, they feel Washington has violated his human right, the right to an American visa.
For,when it comes to visas or permit, Surtis maintain,’Haq se maango!’
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