SINGAPORE SLING, SURTI STYLE……
Whoa! Hold on people before you rush to get your cocktail shakers and potent mixtures. This is not the recipe for a desi version of Singapore’s signature drink. This one is about Tapi town’s wishlist.Ever since the town has been marching towards steady growth and progress faster than most others cities of the world and has been referred to as Gujarat’s financial capital, many Surtis have been seeing the dream of ‘Surat banshey Singapore’. What if Surat were to be Singapore?
Here are some places around town that can be converted to look like the most popular spots of the world’s financial capital…..err, almost…………..
Adajan-Sentosa Island: Since we do have SMC’s much awaited underwater world project coming up here which promises to be bigger and better than the one in Sentosa. To achieve a more authentic approach, we can take a boat ride or construct a cable car ropeway to access it just like Sentosa. Adajan also has a long stretch of land overlooking the Tapi waters where water games and a sound and laser light show can be organized. But Sentosa now has majestic, state of the art, swanky casinos being constructed on it by the owners of Genting highlands, which the law of our land will not permit. So its tough luck for us Surtis.

Tapi river promenade-Clarke quay, Boat quay: The hot n happening place for young tarangs.Music, masti and magic. Till the wee hours of the morning, this place is rocking with its pubs and clubs along the Singapore River. Barbeque and beer along with shooters and hooters are what keeps Clarke Quay flowing with crowds. With SMC planning a riverside promenade by the Tapti in place of the present slums, we could convert it in Clarke Quay, but, wait a minute; booze is taboo in Tapi town so we will have to dampen our spirits and give this a miss as well.

Ghodod Road-Orchard road: Singapore’s famous street that boasts of the world’s best labels from one end to another. Dior and Vuitton rub shoulders with Ferragamo and Chanel. Not to mention the fancy restaurants where the crème de la crème stop by for a quick bite. Our ghodod road is a hotspot haven for shoppers too but it houses scores of unpretentious, tiny shops that do brisk business selling replicas and has hawkers who prepare chatpata sevpuri and yummy vadapav.I have a bad feeling that Takashimaya, Tangs and Robinsons do not have exactly that kind of neighbourhood in mind to branch out; lest they commit a fashion faux pas.

Sarthana zoo- Singapore zoo-This one is pretty close since the Singapore zoo is home to a lot of Indian animals. We also have an enviable butterfly park and aviary in the making. The hindrance here dearies is the timing of the zoo. Whilst Singapore allows visitors from early morning through the day and shares part of its premises for the night safari too, our sarthana zoo functions only for hours few. Singapore’s zoo is one of its highest profit raising tourist spots with animal shows and souvenir shopping provisions; whilst ours will need steep funds and high maintenance to survive ever rising costs.

Dumas-Marina Bay view –Well, we could have resorts planned here and hotels with a view to the Arabian Sea .A Merlion spouting water would be out of question considering the poor dear could choke on the often found dead Dumas fish. Sun bathing, beach volleyball and surfing would be on the Surtis to-do list. Alas! Dearies both you and I know for a fact that dear old Dumas is a beach sans any sand. So unfortunately, this one does not qualify for a makeover like the much in demand reclaimed bay view land.

Surti Flyovers-Singapore Flyer: I know it is not a 360degree panoramic view of our town from atop our ever collapsing man made blunders, but we do have a 365 day access to picnic and stroll over our various flyovers. Surtis visit their flyovers and bridges every Sunday, to park and party the evening away. Unfortunately, after hoardings have been used to hoard bombs, our popular party spots are right now off limits and there is scarce scope to view the town leisurely from over them.

Whether Chautapul becomes China town or Malls turn into Mustafa Centre remains to be seen. All we are left with for now is the dream of an entirely clean, green, Surat. The closest thing we have to Singapore at present is the Singapore Ni wadi in Rustumpura; where the khatri community [that has many N.R.I. s in Singapore] proudly celebrates all its happy occasions.
Frankly, methinks Surat is great the way it is. After all said and done, if Surtis really want it to, Surat surely can be Singapore some day; the question is can Singapore be Surat for a day?

SUREFIRE SURTI VISAPOWER....................
In wake of the most powerful man in Gujarat being denied authorization to enter the U.S of A, there is hearsay that Gujarati Diaspora are on the hunt; apparently, they are looking for the person who granted Bush and allies visa to Iraq.
People are also saying that some sentimental Surtis in Washington, supposedly protested outside the White House singing Altaf Raja’s classic,’Tum toh therey pardesi, saath kyaa nibhaogey?’But the White House feigned ignorance.
Rumours are rife around Tapitown that certain social service groups have pulled up their socks to publish pamphlets that give important tips on how to obtain visa; for the benefit of non Surtis.
The visa pamphlet will be state of the art, after all VIPs will be reading it. Obtaining a visa, particularly to America is as easy as apple pie for us Surtis. Most of our town and hundreds of villages under its jurisdiction have family or friends residing there through sheer Surti skills. Looks like the Surtis are hell-bent on proving that one need not be a rocket scientist or score an aptitude excel to procure an endorsement from the land of uncle Sam. Anyone can get one.Errrr........well, almost.
Speculation is soaring that there might be a Surti survey, asking us to pool in our thoughts and ideas too. A little bird told me that the‘kabootarbaaz clan’ will even be paid for sureshot tips.For the benefit of Non-Surtis [who will need the tips], the pamphlet is supposed to be printed in a bilingual format; Hindi and English. I have for you an exclusive sneak peak on a few of the tips that are proposed for printing..................
In English it will say’ Visa power-Go get it.’ The Hindi one is’ Kabootar ja ja-Dhoondtey reh jaogey.’
1.Dhandhey pey dhyaan do-First of all, officially change your surname to Patel.Next,prepare a blue print of a motel and a proposal for setting up one .Name any remote location in America where you want to set it up, there are never enough motels in the U.S..Visa provided -10 years.
2. Mein bhi Madonna-Join a singing and dance troupe for the upcoming Navratri festival.Enroll yourself for singing classes and render out a ‘sanedo’ in the visa office. Make sure they stamp on ‘granted’ before they run for cover thinking it’s an audio terror attack. Visa term -3 months.
3. Bhavna o ko samjho-Arrange a mock marriage with your visiting friend, cousin or stranger from the U.S., take along enormous wedding picture album for authenticity. Make sure you have the mehndi pics too. Yankees love tattoos. Visa power-green card nominee.
4. Chak de kamaal-Organise a team of players who play lakhotis, gillidanda and ambli pipli.Tell the authorities you need to create worldwide awareness towards these sports for official entry to the 2012 London Olympics since Gujarat has no representative for the same, yet. Visa permit-6 months.
5. Dur Darshan-Say you need to attend an international seminar of an Indian guru gyaani.Since tickets are not available for national ones and Indian electronic media is advising ‘baba-darr, shun’. You will also tour to visit temples abroad and throw in a trip to the Grand Canyon on your to do list; never mind if you end up going to Vegas instead. Visa wish-1 year.
6. Bachey budhey aur jawan-A popular one for family transfer; Gather neighbourhood kids, adults ,oldies and prepare an invitation of cultural inter school camp/medical treatment camp/Disneyland trip. More the merrier also has added benefit of a free ticket. Visa required-2 weeks [often self converted to lifetime]
Unfortunately, our esteemed chief minister cannot avail any of the above tips. He is a famous figure and a CM, not a common man. Since 2005, he is being sanctioned only a VC [video conference] and not a visa.
Tattle from a loose tongued Dallas Surti last week was that he had heard that American Gujaratis might shift the Chalo Gujarat celebration venue from U.S. to China next year.
Then there was word from the educated New York Surtis that all important Gujarati NRIs might visit Gujarat next year.’ What is that one about the mountain going to Mohammed?”They asked.
Many Surtis now feel that in future,our CM should refuse to visit America. Even if they roll out the red carpet for him and allow him a bumper diplomat package deal, he must deny the desire. It is said Surtis are very hurt; by repeatedly denying permit, they feel Washington has violated his human right, the right to an American visa.
For,when it comes to visas or permit, Surtis maintain,’Haq se maango!’