TAXED BY INCOME IN TAPI TOWN


So you thought that life in Lalaland was a bed of roses, eh? Well, well well, not really and certainly not in the last few days of March.

These are difficult days, with even more difficult words, poor rich lalas can’t even pronounce them properly –perquisite, deficits, assets, assessments, disclosures etc.

You see, too much of anything is never a good thing. Post the dreaded Ides of March, its show time of a different kind, when more profits might mean more loss, for a change.

No matter how much a Lala is troubled by these days of the year, year after year, it still turns out to be the same story for him.

The officers in charge have to complete a set target and every lala in town fears he and his company might be it- the flavour of the month of March.

He has to pull up his socks a little higher, mug up quick ways of explaining his tax exemption theory, how he made hay from tax free agricultural income, how he escaped paying taxes in the name of his spouse and children, how he believes in’ philanthropy begins at work’, when the officers discover the accounts in names of various employees and their family members and be answerable to all the magic bonds that he used to pocket a few rupees more, rather than part with them.

If there is anyone who is closest and most supportive to the Lalas during the month of March, it is, no, not the spouse or the other woman in his life, it’s his CA= Chartered Accountant.

The ‘see a CA’ theory is what gives the Lala some relief, if any and you will often find him cozying up more with his CA ,than his wife in the evenings .

Lalas and their tactful CAs communicate in the language of love-‘pyaar and dil’, err… make that PR and Deal. Both share a ‘deal ka rishta.’

Here is an example of what text messages between the two may read like-

Lala-Deal deke dekho.
CA-Hum deal de chukey sanam.

Lala-Isharo isharo mein deal leney waley, bataa tuney hunar ye seekha kahaan se?
CA-Jab PR kiya toh darna kyaa, PR kiya koi chori nahi ki.

Lala-Deal diya, dard liya?
CA-Deal apna aur treat parayi.

To make things worse, there is tattle within the CA circle that last minute raids in March will be carried out, so as to not give an opportunity to plan.

Officers meanwhile are pointing out ,how Lalas and Co are gaining advantage points by smart play .Figuring their ways out from taxing times ,with TOING theory-“Tax on income no ghotalo.”

It seems the fables and theories put forward each year are getting funnier and more entertaining by the year.

First timers on duty in Surat are amused at how naïve the Surti lala and his CA seem to take department to be.

Who knows, with the Surti fetish for classes to acquire new skill, we might soon have a private ‘dodge your dread session’, by appointment only.

Be rest assured, Lalas wont mind paying dearly for this one.

COFFEE WITH CAR RUN..........
There are, but two things that tremendously trigger car sales in Tapi town. One is Dassera and the other is Depreciation.
While the former is for a joyful, pious, good omen reason to buy; the latter on the other hand is purely business.
As March ending nears, every year, Surti Lalas scramble to show purchases that will lead to more income tax depreciation in their tax record adjustments, officially.
Since car companies also want that bright spot in the fiscal year, it’s a twin win situation. This rush boosts their final year ending sales.
Last December, laws for the purchase policy in the automobile industry were changed as an anti recession move. This has triggered even further sales of four wheelers from the tax benefit point of view.
Our blue eyed boy Rahul Gandhi’s recent Surat parikrama, led to a new fad of SUV fashion and all Surti Lalas worth their salts have made sure that they booked one for themselves .Leading car showrooms have confirmed that the demand for suv’s since then has gone up twice as much. Lalas have also had the added benefit of saving up to 3.75 lacs. Since prices for the Suv’s is to go up post March. Lalas now hope to proudly drive around in a look that said,’mine is bigger than yours’.
The aam aadmi is having the last laugh though, with the biggie of tiny technology and bitten by the Tata love bug Nano ,Surti Lalas will have competition in the common man and woman for that matter, looking up with national pride and proudly saying ,’mine is smaller than yours.’
Talking about women, most lalarinas do not care what cc their car is, as long as they get to go to and fro from VLCC in it.
Lalas cleverly make their wives feel like a ‘madamji’ by chivalrously offering a 24/7 chauffer to drive them around. Truth of the matter is, they don’t trust their beauties with anybody; I mean the cars of course not their better halves.
Rolls Royce and most other super luxury cars are not going to lower car sales target for India this year. Since January, car sales in the country seem to have jumped by 22 percent. Surti car dealers have been smiling in delight.
Bardoli’s second hand car market at linear bus stand though, has seen better days.Alongwith the N.R.Is, car sales too have trickled in the past year, unlike before when it was flooded with ready buyers with quick cash. Even luring the present ones with Bardoli’s famous ‘Bharkhadevi American dry fruit ice cream’ is not getting them any buyers as such.
Surti dealers do not need to tempt their ever ready buyers that much. Other than the offer of easy loan, basket of freebie accessories, dull cushions and cute toys, all the potential buyer is offered is a cup of tea or coffee with a free test drive car run.
The coffee at most of our leading car showrooms tastes like ,’dudhpak’.The late Behram Contractor-Busybee,Mumbai’s ace writer once wrote that ,’in the olden days, Mumbai’s India coffee house was the place where car dealers struck the maximum deals and more cars were bought and sold than coffee.’
It’s March ending dearies, and in Lalaland, the case with coffees and cars is exactly the same.