HOW WELL WE KNOW OUR VINO!

Booze is the social glue of all mankind’, said dear old Barbara Holland who really loved her wine. In the ‘dry’ state city of Surat, nothing stands more true. It is customary in the Khatri community to share a ‘batli’ as they call it, on all occasions of social gatherings be it birth, death or weddings.’Surya ast toh khatri mast’, the men and women folk have their own circles on the home floors with ‘dana-chana’ and ‘mutton mamnas ‘doing the rounds as bite sized food accompaniments. The Golwaad area, often touted as a policeman’s nightmare, has ‘bhajiya patra’ kiosks busy as soon as the sun sets. Groups of regulars order from their doorsteps as gamblers gather for their evening session of game and daru.In the posh localities of southern Surat, come evening and restaurant phones are abuzz with home –delivery orders of a variety of starters Chinese toTandoori.Alcohol is easily the worst kept secret in Surat ,it is common knowledge. There are different ways to produce this dipsomaniac’s delight in Tapi town-
DIY-Do it yourself. In case you raise a surprised brow, let me tell you that in 1632 A.D., Peter Mundy, a European traveler who had spanned India, was surprised too at finding many people in Surat addicted to opium which grew on Surti soil in vast quantity.In the poppy fields, seeds and husks were seeped in water and an alcoholic bevearage called ‘poste’ was procured from it.Cannibes-Bhang was also used to prepare intoxicating drinks and alcoholics were then known as ‘postees ‘or‘bhangees’.In modern day Surat, alcohol is produced at 3 levels.
1. Potli /latthho- one of the worst kind made from soda ash powder used in polishing metals [kallai powder], koilo jaggery, navsar and khor which are put to boil in a tin within a ‘bhatti’ and cooled, then mixed with water and fermented in hidden areas often made in umra,bhatha and small villages around surat, this one is sold at rs.2.50 per glass and goes upto rs.10 .per ser on festive occasions.mostly consumed by the labourers and slum dwellers; it is lethal and triggers lung and intestine infection, along with severe throat inflammation.
2. Deshi-Narangi concocted from rotten fruits and hafeem with a few tablets of potent herbs thrown in the brew, the lower middle class buys it from Dumas, Bhimpore, Ved and Dhaboli.Available in small glass bottles at rs.10.
3. Tadi/Wine-In winters, the juice of ice-apple fruit is relished by early birds out for a walk but it is a well known fact that the ‘niro’ juice ferments and turns into intoxicating ‘tadi’ post midday! Surtis relish the niro and tadi as these are easily accessible and one of their favorite drinks .Surti women make wine at home during the grape season and store to savour it through the year.Grapes, whole wheat, yeast, de-chlorinated water and sugar are mashed and left to ferment in a sterilized ceramic bottle for 21 days. The prepared wine is then stored in glass bottles with cork lids. Shiraz, Chantilly, Chardonnay not withstanding, ‘Nothing more satisfactory than home made surti wine ‘, swear the housewives.Well what more can I add to that except, ‘Cheers! To the Surti “spirits”!’

RADIO GAA GAA……FM FEVER IS HERE TO SWAY………

RADIO GAA GAA……FM FEVER IS HERE TO SWAY………

It’s finally here! The Radio Revolution that we Surtis have been making noise about. We now have our own for apnu Surat.No more need we be dependent on the Mumbai/Ahmedabad folks and their jokes…… BIG927, MIRCHI and MYFM are here to please us. Hopefully, this means that we will be able to listen to format especially created for people of Tapi- town. Even though commuting in Surat takes only a max.time period of 30mins to go from any point A to B, we have faithful radio listeners in our busy sabzi and paanwallahs, over worked diamond polishers, trendy college kids with fancy mobile phones, bored housewives who have had enough of saas bahus and of course commuters by cars and autos who need not worry if their c.d.players have gone for a six. There is something for everyone as all the frequencies have a different age group on target, be it from varachha, to ved road, katargaam to, khatkiwaad or lalgate to majuragate.So you can ‘suno sunao,life banao’ and be ‘always khush ‘with filmy songs,bhajans, cricket remixed [20-twenty] scores and town tattle.’ Move over Parvati and Mr.Walia, here come Vidya Belan and Raj a.k.a Munna.
The radio bandwagon is all set to woo us surtis by giving away freebies in forms of coupons for coffee and dinners, tickets to movies and other knick knacks as they offer easy to answer questions and options. Describing Surat as khubsurat and a land of fine dining,’ ‘leheri lalas’ and patang manja, they talk about the town nukkads in a nutshell. Popular film characters are impersonated to make the lingo more entertaining. Personal problems –a la’ Sleepless in Seattle’ are aired to get surtis to participate in phone-in/sms advice .Even though some of the RJ.’s[radio jockeys] sound ahmedabadi, the script given to them is surti so they should be able to catch up given some time. Thus with the onset of the festive season, life should be all song and dance on the FM scenario.
In Swarn Surat, as it is called, we have always been surrounded by loud sound, whether its from gramophones on special occasions, cars reversing with harsh tunes above the allowed decibel sound wave, surtis fighting away in their famous profanity or pandals put up for navratri/ganeshutsav etc.Now with the advent of the local FM options, there will certainly be more singing in the surat terrain. Huge hoardings and colourful umbrellas announcing the FM channels are sprouting around town and in your face lest you forget to tune in. Here is your chance then surti, to put your feet up[tap to tune] and participate in the trend of your town, vote for your choice, get entertained, gain freebies, make your voice heard all within the comfort of your home. Radio is ‘BIG ‘news and is here to make us surtis sway……..so gaa gaa dear surti and swing away because FM fever is here to stay.Top5 things you most definitely will and won’t hear on surti radio…………….
WILL WON’T
1. Cookery recipes. 1. Cocktail recipes

2. Cricket tosses 2. Modi’s losses

3. Love stories 3. Financial worries.

4. Rakhi Sawant Item numbers. 4. Santana and Diana Krall’s wonders.

5. Hot and happening surti news. 5. Aamchi maati, aamchey manas.

YEH TOH BADAA TOING HAI!!!!!

YEH TOH BADAA TOING HAI!!!!!
If you think this article is about the controversial advert.on telly these days, you are sadly mistaken, am not talking of the outrageous marketing strategy that some find scandalizing and others superb. I am talking about the big TOING that the surtis generate-------Tax, Octroi Income Not Given! Or rather as we surtis would put it, Tax, Octroi, Income No Ghotalo! TOING!
Tax returns filed this term were considerably low in number as usual and I am positive it had nothing to do with our lala lobby being confused about it .our average citizen [helped by his loyal lawyer] is intelligent enough to work his way around the law and pocket his’ bada TOING. What’s new????You will ask, it happens in all the cities small and big. Well dearies that is not the case in our hometown. We do things differently. Which now brings me to the
RAID? UPGRADE!!!!Factor…………..
Recently, a series of raids by officers of the Income Tax branch were conducted in the city which included an unending list of our famous doctors. Here is part of a conversation post the happening in the waiting room for patients and relatives,’ Tamara dr.na ketla thaya?80?bus, amaara na to 150 kidha’let me make it clear that they were not quoting the fees or percentage, they were conversing about the amount in crores of the rupees declared. The big deal about this is the manner in which our learned citizens reacted, almost taking pride in the fact while stating the declared figures of their medical supremos.The case is the same if you replace the doctors with any other leading professionals or businessmen. The idea of being raided is mostly seen as having made it big .If you have the taxman knock on your door; you know you have reached the top league for sure. It’s almost celebrated like a trend with people actually looking forward to the process and being well prepared to handle it .No more caught unawares, our biggies know to play this game and make the rules dance to their tunes. They know how to do their thing, by pulling up a few strings.’
.TAX HISTORY MYSTERY………..
Taxes have existed since the ancient times .Property and sales tax were known in ancient Rome. Even way back then, tariffs were favored over internal taxes as a source of revenue. Taxes have 3 main functions---1.To cover government spending2. To promote stable economic growth 3. To lessen inequalities in the distribution of income and wealth. In short it helps the government make life better for all the citizens.
WISE ADVICE,……….Dear responsible citizen of surat, Either VAT ki vaat mat lagao or if you would rather partially pocket your BIG TOING than pay it up, maybe you could use part of it for making life better for all surti citizens in one of the following ways……Adopt an .N.G.O.,Kalyan Kendra or Educational trust. Support it in cash and kind for a lifetime because annual cheques donated to commemorate deceased loved ones do not provide enough towards making a generation aware of AIDS,ENVIRONMENT ,HEALTH.etc.Most of the organizations we have lead a hand to mouth existence they need you and your BIG TOING. I definitely assure you, the amount they require will not burn a hole in your oversized pocket but it will make a world of a difference to them. You will be directly helping to create a better ambience around town for your children.
Benefit the society directly this way or from the government rules please do not sway,
Pay your taxes as you should, if not then be a Robinhood.Thus you may proudly, literally wash
Your dirty linen in public for the benefit of society.oops!!!!!!!seems like I am talking about the,’YEH TOH BADA TOING HAI!’

IF ITS EIFFEL, IT MUST BE PARLE POINT

IF ITS EIFFEL, IT MUST BE PARLE POINT.........................Other than presenting undhiyu and khaman dhokla to the world,we surtis also set the biggest example of acceptance and intigration .not only do we spread our culture but also adopt new ones immediatly our women proudly wear their'jeans pant' with a bindi [only now has maddonna started to do so],our kids are as comfortable with PS2 as with lakhotis and the men share tiffins at work with sindhis,marwaris and jats.surat has its own identity through its food but her people are from all parts of the world.a large part of its populace belongs to the NRI gang who annually visit here to shop and support causes .the oldest architecture here is portugal,english,mogul and persian.it seems the city has always welcomed foreign folk.roadside kiosks sell pizza next to pani puri and chinese next to idli dosa.pasta is a well loved treat at home and every gujju mom worth her salt will have culinary skills to match a world cookbook with her own adaptation of khow suey and chicken steak.surtis are traders [lalas] at heart and know that adopting the ways of the world will help them rule it better.much as they love their ponk and ghari, uttaran and diwali they also know how to celebrate pujo and bai-sakhi.from adajan to antwerp timalyawad to taiwan and majuragate to malaysia,surtis learn ,live and laugh all the way to the bank.malleable and ductile in their ways of life,we have never felt hostile towards the culture of the new folks wading in,instead we have reached out and adapted their ways in our lifestlye.right down to our traffic islands!!!!!!!we boast of an eiffel tower,an airplane[even when we did not have an airport that functioned],a kargil chowk for unsung war heros and numerous others which have nothing to do with the town but are built in the surti spirit.Here's to the lala way of life ,may the world learn to live like us.