Corkage Charge In Tipple Town

Corkage Charge In Tipple Town


Surat’s most popular senior citizens-Mr.Magan Batla and aunty Batli held a, ‘Dampened Spirits Drive’ last evening.

It was in lieu of a protest against the arrest of the honourable city Mayor’s cousin brother and others, on charges of consuming alcohol in a public place (a Ghoddod Road discotheque, barely half a kilometer from Umra Police Station and just a hop, skip and jump behind the Mayor’s home, a backyard premises he has rented out).

It wasn’t an Alcoholics Anonymous meet, mind you, which surprisingly exists at large through the dry state, with Surat scoring the maximum number of members there too.

This was one where so called thinkers of Tapi town came together to discuss on a sober and serious note, the price and punishment that denizens are paying for prohibition.

On the promise that they remain incognito, anguished Surtis stated their quotes and views of the public in general.

“Prohibition has become the new weapon for vendetta in our town! Anyone can pick up the phone and complaint .There is no end as to how many ‘mehfils’ police raids will yield from homes, every single night.”

“Imagine what kind of names will tumble out if we apply via RTI to know who all have been arrested for alcohol consumption in Gujarat, so far?”

“Vat 69 ney vaat laga di!”

“My uncle is penning a new prohibition Kolaveri version called,” Why this hypocrisy, hypocrisy policy di, ho Modi!”

“Where is the booze coming in from? I read that bootleggers supplying to Gujarat have an annual turnover of 1500 crores!”

“Those are last year’s figures, now that the noose is tighter, rates might have doubled.”

“I always assumed that having an alcohol permit meant ‘License to drink’ but, my friends were sitting ducks and met their nemesis in an apartment when they were raided for drinking at home!”

“Dint this happen the same night as the one in which Parmeshwar Godrej’s party for Oprah was raided thrice by the Mumbai Pandus?”

“No, and stupid, Mumbai does not have prohibition issues, they were raided for causing commotion next to an MLA’s residence.”

“I am a teetotaler, yet, I pay more taxes because prohibition costs a loss of Rs.3000 crores of revenue to the government and I heard that they have to make up for it by hiking our basic taxes.”

“Aaprey toh kaee didhu, aapunney kaai pher parto nathi, lai javo ander,juo ! Bus,aapra bapa hudhi vaat nahi pahunchvi joyey ,whu ?”

‘I have decided to pen a book on it and name it “Night at Police Station; Nightmare at Civil Hospital”

“Surat’s police are trying really hard to brush off last year’s accusation of procuring the maximum bribes in the matter of prohibition. A leading weekly national magazine had summed it up to around 70 lakhs.”

“Can you imagine that wedding cocktail parties are now the main reason for Surtis to organize destination weddings? How do you expect us hoteliers to lose millions of rupees in this manner and still take it in the right spirit?

“The closest getaway is Daman, with the amount of spurious liquor flowing from there these days; you could have a river of elixir running through it!

“I hear after acing at duplicate Black Label, they now excel at aping single malts too, packaging and all!”

“Daru, daru, daru, daru, daru, daru, daru hic!”

“Can we please get back to the issue now? Do you know how distilleries are minting millions by shoving excise free booze into the state?”

“Also, hooch king pins are crorepatis here.”

“This is just a vote bank policy, in the name of Gandhiji.”

“Did you know that Gandhiji’s grandson had once stated on national television that, “There are many other things which Bapu stood for which we should be practicing, but which no one does. Prohibition in Gujarat is an industry which finances politics, politicians and police."

“How come having no prohibition in SEZ does not offend Bapu, but consuming alcohol in other areas of Gujarat does?”

“I think it’s the women in the state, who vote in favour of prohibition, whom politicians do not want to displease.”

“ Eni maaney !!!!!! ……….pun mari ni maaney !”

Hello,Saheb ? Myself Surti calling

Within a month since his appointment as the commissioner of police, Tapi town’s honourable top cop has become the talk of the town; oft seen, heard and most definitely feared by miscreants, all around the city of Surat.

Felicitated at a function by leading lalas from industries of textile and diamonds, he was seen warmly welcomed by Surat’s ‘who is who’. Famous businessmen were requested, while lesser known representatives were urged by organizers to come forward for ‘saheb nu samman’, the soul they now look up to for protection from land grabbing bullies and ill meaning elements who wish to hinder their business. Further more, lalas posted the audio recording of the event on You Tube under the title ‘Welcome and Falicitate Shri Rakesh Asthana”, spelling it so, to prove its Surti authenticity.

At the helm of the helmet issue, the commissioner of police was also heard on local FM and at club meets, pointing out to educated adult Surtis, basic and compulsory traffic rules. Commuters who had till date paid little attention to safety details are now paying up fines that amount to lakhs of rupees.

Shady characters meanwhile have gone under the mattresses instead of ‘going to the mattresses’, a la Godfather style. They seem to have vamoosed from the scene, for the time being, knowing only too well that the commissioner, who has won the President’s medal for distinguished service, surely means business when he has promised to ‘legally crackdown on anti-social elements’.

The layman Surti however, has been most impressed with the fact that even as saheb promised peace for prosperity and citizen-police partnership, he also publicly shared his mobile number last week, asking Surtis to fear nobody and call him directly, in case they get tepid response on terror and other issues, from local police stations.

Empowered by having saheb’s number in the phone book, a few claimed to have set up a

“CCC”-Concerned citizen’s committee.

Upon being invited to their first ever meeting last Saturday, curiosity got the better of this columnist to find out what this actually was all about.

A fairly large amount of people had turned up at the designated venue for discussion. Everybody seemed to be speaking all at once.

‘I want to request for a fixed time table for traffic fines. Monday for helmets, Tuesday for seat belts, Wednesday for speed limits etc.’suggested a Citylight homemaker.

‘I simply want to thank him for allowing us to wear helmets designed like the Gladiator head dress; it makes me feel like Russell Crow ‘smiled a dentist from Sagrampura.

While bhaiyajis from Bihar who are vegetable vendors around Parle Point pointed out that they were willingly going to move their carts away “Kyunki bade saheb ne toh hamaarey Laloo Prasad ji ke raj mein fodder kand ka bhi parda farsh kar diya thaa toh hum kya cheez hai .“

The migrant bhabhijis from Kolkuta are impressed for once because “Inhoney kaha thaa ke saheb wohi officer hai jinhoney hamarey West Bengal mein Purulia arms drop case investigate kiya thaa.”

Meanwhile, popular senior citizens Mr.Magan Batla and aunty Batli were on a conference call via satellite, from Daman. ‘As you all know, we are tadipar these days. We are calling over the concern of the disappearance of our niece –Narangi and nephew-Pehli Dharno.They were last seen brewing up by the Tapi, we hope they are safe since they are innocent locals who mean no harm.”


“ Missed call maru ?”

Surti socialites had a more personal agenda, ‘I love men in uniform. All I want to know is which ringtone does his caller tune have. Do you know? Is it Dabangg? ‘

‘I found his name on FB but it turned out to be someone else.’

‘I like the idea of CCTV, am looking forward to see and be seen ‘

A gentleman from Kotsafil road had great concern over cattle which casually strolls around that area,”Aaprey toh koini beek lagtee nathi,whu ? Aaprey toh bindaas puchvanu chey ke bhai aa badha nu whu karvanu chey ? Punn saheb ne aapri bhasha nai hamjan parey’

“This is exactly why we have invited you’, said the CCC president, as all heads turned towards me ,”Can you call him and forward all of our concerns? ”he asked.

Needless to say, this cat scampered from the meet before further curiosity killed it.

GOLWAAD –HEARTH OF THE RANAS.............
If you have been wondering what the majestic statue of the great Rana Pratap atop Chetak, is doing at the Kotsafil road island; the reason it stands there is a tribute by a community that claims to be his descendants .Mythology states, in the ancient days, Rajputs of Mewada adopted the name ‘Gola’ meaning menial servant or slave to protect themselves from the fearsome God, Parshuram. Shiva their protector gave them a mortar and pestle [what they call khandi dasto] for rice pounding as a trade to make a livelihood. Till date, rice pounding in the community holds a sacred significance.
Little is known about them other than what is written in an unpublished Gujarati book ‘Surat no Prachin itihaas’ by Thakordas Dhansingh and ‘Politics of Surat-1850 -1924, by Douglas Haynes.
The community now calls itself the ‘Ranas’. In the 17th century, they basically functioned as rice pounders, tailors, washermen, basket makers and potters, selling their wares in the Sheris of Navapura. Their closest friends were the people of the Ghanchi community that consisted of the oil pressers, milk sellers and firewood traders.
Although they were allowed to worship at temples of the then prevalent upper caste Hindus, their non Brahmanic practice of meat eating, alcohol consumption and widow remarriage were often cited as a threat to local moral order by a certain section of priests. Their approach towards spoken language was often unsavoury and unruly invoking disdain and anxiety, but due to their business, they had ties with members of the Vaniya, Parsi and Daudi Bohra communities.
Around the 1860’s, the golas ventured into the trade of jari making. The art of drawing fine threadlike wires from real gold and silver bullions that were shipped in from the European markets .Members of the joint families provided labour with females and even children performing important tasks. The entire process was carried out within their homes itself.
Thus the cost of hiring non-family members was low and rare. Even when artisans did not have a sufficiently large family, persons from within the caste were appointed for the task and married to a sister or daughter of the family head. The Golwaad community since then has remained impenetrable and extremely self contained.
In 1953,D.R.Gadgil and R.K.Patil wrote a book on the ‘Gold and Silver thread industry’, which states by 1910, Surat became a leading manufacturer of both jari and Kinkhab [silk and gold cloth]; far surpassing Ahmedabad, Yeola, Poona, Delhi and Lahore in the trade, its only rival in competition was Benaras, with its master weavers. In 1930, the Golas with their cost cutting strategy managed near total control in the trade and their traditional occupation officially changed to jari making.
During the First World War, panic struck Surat markets, since it largely depended on trade with Europe. Import restrictions on precious metals meant trouble for the jari makers and traders who had to face skyrocketing prices of gold and silver. Though with passing time just a handful who deal in business of real jari making have survived; the clan has now shifted to making artificial jari and just like the days of yore, gives serious competition to Benaras by helping Surti weavers make synthetic Benarasi sarees.
A lot of the old, walled city areas like Store Sheri, Sidhhmata Sheri, and Wadifalia have now been taken over by them since these are areas close to Golwaad, -a place where till date; the Ranas celebrate each day with tradition of working from home and each evening in Surti spirit, with their favourite ritual of,’batli, dana and a game of cards’.
TAPI TOWN TATTLE-How did the Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward women greet Mutalik on V-day? ’Thong you very much!’