ONE FOR THE ROAD

The Surat police came under some unfair criticism last week over the written warnings of ‘dos and don’ts’ that they distributed to private farm owners, regarding hosting a New Year’s Eve party which might turn out to be an ‘out in the open affair’ in Tipsy town.

Surat officially has the highest amount of permit holders as well as largest groups of Alcoholic anonymous members in dry state Gujarat and there are no prizes for guessing whether it tops the list of tipple towns that turns bootleggers into billionaires.

The caution practiced did not go down well with the ‘khai piney jalsa ‘loving Lalas. In fact, post the New Year’s revelry itself, a committee of concerned ‘Pi loon’ party members was set up as mission Tequila Sunrise, at 8 in the morning near the Chamunda chai kiosk, station branch ,by Mr.Magan Batla and Aunty Batli- also known as the messiahs of Madeira.

‘This is extremely unfair”, said Mr.Batla,”after completely ignoring us last year and concentrating on just one particular farm, the law keepers in Lalaland banned us from all farm parties this year. Look at the newpapers, it’s the first of January and we have absolutely no coverage. This is preposterous, I say! “

“Actually they were just doing their job,”pointed out aunty Batli, in an effort to calm down her anger fermented spouse.” It’s not personal; they were just following instructions from the top.”

“I wonder who heads these kind of operations”, Ms.Notorius Narangi, a new member pondered aloud,” I mean, what exactly do they ask the policemen to do, to keep us away.”

“It’s kind of complicated,” said Mr.Pehli Dharno, a senior member of the BB committee (bevdi batli, not Blackberry, silly!)” there is no fixed pattern or timing. It is similar to an income tax raid. One can be raided convicted at any time, day or night completely unawares and be tongue tied while the operations are on.”

“This time it was very derogatory,” pointed out Ms. Mehka Mahua, the sensitive soul,” Besides the official warning about us not to be seen around farms, private plots and terraces etc, the apartment where I reside was visited and a bunch of kids were asked to tone down the party volume lest the dance party sounded like a ‘bob’- bring you own booze affair.

“Should we conduct a march in protest?” questioned the dignified Malts, NRBs (non resident batlis) who were visiting town, incognito for the occasion,” we feel so helpless and hurt.”

“Oh! Look at you all, sounding so much like fizzled blasts from the past,”inturrepted Puavo Pappu, the new kid on the block,” I say this year’s New Year Eve has been one of the best ever. Not only have we managed positive page 3 coverage but also have officially ringed in the New Year with ‘Cheers!’”

And even as all the other club members dropped their jaws in amazement, wondering whether they were zonked or whether Pappu Pauva had turned too potent for his own good, the rebel without a pause proudly explained, “Look at the magnificent photographs that the leading dailies have printed .Almost all of Surat was out on the roads, denizens enthusiastically blasting their music systems; and while they savoured their favourite kebabs, tikkas,eggs,parathas,biryanis and ponk while hosting the biggest Moon burn party right out there on the roadsides, what do you think was helping most of them wash it all down in high spirits?”

Needless to say, the men in khaki were instantly forgiven and Pappu Pauva got a standing ovation, besides being anointed head of public relations for the new ‘Pi Akkad club.’

Tapi town known for its industries and prosperity, has begun the next new decade on a very positive note.I mean ,what better words could flow more mellifluously from the Surti lala’s mouth than happily proclaiming ,”Car-o-bar-achha hai !”.