New Answers To Old Questions Anyone?

No sooner has the brightest moonlit night of the year passed; with Surtis gorging out on the Sharad Poonam and Chandipadva night that the agenda for the next set of festivities during the forthcoming fortnight has been set.

Social Surtis who qualify as official tattlers around town are armed with their usual questionnaire to attack the unassuming common man /woman /child. It is not as if these questions have been inspired by the new season of” Kaun Banega Crorepati’, rather it revolves around the theme of ‘Kyaa kareyga crorepati”?

Like, no matter how high up in the social ladder you are, you will be asked,”Diwali ni safaai thay gayee?”(Have you cleaned up for Diwali?) If you are left frazzled wondering what is it about this routine of” cleanliness is next to Godliness ‘during Diwali, well, its just an age old custom practiced by our ancestors to clear away the previous year’s waste, gathered with squirrel like skill. Unused and used goods now rendered useless will be presented with philanthropic pride to staff members who eagerly help out in this tedious routine. Often things like, clothes, utensils, cosmetics, toys etc which have seen better days, come tumbling out of lofts and closets. While some find better use in a lesser home, other unfortunate stuff will be re-bundled and loaded back up there for next year’s spring cleaning season. Once you have managed to answer that your home is already clean and does not need to be de-cluttered, you will be given a dirty look with an unconvincing nod saying ,’amaarey tyaa toh karvij padey .”(We have to do it.)

Up next you will be attacked by, “Diwali maa shu karo cho?” No really, now tell me, ever since lord Rama returned to Ayodhya,Indians have been celebrating it by –lighting lamps,feasting,wearing new clothes and, after the advent of crackers ,bursting the same. The good part about this question is that you need not answer it; the person who has asked it will then immediately let you know about his/her plan on spending the festival. Be ready to be inundated with an endless shopping list which will feature nothing other than the routine, a grand announcement of how much moolah is going to be burnt up in from of ‘aatashbaaji’by children who know no better (men included), how the atrocious present market rates of all precious metals is not going to hinder the lala’s homemaker from burning a hole in his pocket –Dhanteras being the rescue excuse, how the hardworking lala is going to go in for a reincarnation in the wardrobe to replace crisp linen shirts with ,well ,more crisp linen shirts.

Which brings us to the last and the most entertaining question of them all,”Diwali maan kyaa jao cho.” (Where are you off to, this Diwali?) .No matter what destination you say, you will be told ‘oh there! We went there 4-6-9 years ago. You will be then given an in-depth info about your destination with more zest than the travel agent. Even if the location was visited a decade ago, you will be told about what to do and where to eat and what to shop for, as if the world has come to a standstill since then and that city or country has been frozen in time. God forbid if you answer,” we are not traveling this year’, thou shall then have to lend ear to listen to extensive travel plans of the person who questioned you. Including what food they are going to carry along on the journey. Which is not a bad deal; actually, you could trot the globe with a Surti’s sense of imagination.