TAPI TOWN’S TELLY TALES.........
Yesterday, while browsing through some gadgets at an electronic goods shop, I ran into Toral aunty, better known as Telly aunty for her ‘I love television’ fame.
‘Hello aunty, how is it going?’ I inquired in my polite tone.
Her face was clouded darker than the present Surti skies,’ Hello dear, dont’ ask, am here to buy a new remote. I broke my old one in anger’
Knowing just how much she loved to channel surf, curiosity got the better of me and I bravely inquired,’ what happened?”
‘I am very upset with these reality shows,’ she huffed,’ they should be shooting all of these in Surat.’
Upon seeing my eyes pop in disbelief, she challenged me,’ Go ahead, name any and I will tell you why.
I for once, was at a loss of words.Then, recollecting the flavours of the month discussed by my friends, I mumbled,’Rakhi ka swayamvar.’with little nerve.
‘Oh! RKS?,’said the expert, ‘you know the obvious winner for that, from day one, was the Gujju N.R.I., if at all she does marry. Well instead of wasting all their time and money, they should have come to Surat with the show, after all every year, we get scores of N.R.I boys who come seeking suitable spouses here. It would have shot to instant International fame, with Indian contestants from all over the world.’
This was going to be tough; I realised and after a thought asked, ‘What about Sach ka saamna? That has run into trouble in the Parliament?
‘Sweetheart, do you not know that Surtis are known to be a profane and promiscuous lot? Forget just the questions; had they shot it with Surtis, even the answers would be scandalous enough to rock the government.’
Not one to accept defeat easily, I threw in my trump card Ace,’Iss jungle se mujhe bachao!’
The serial specialist guffawed on my face,’ That is the easiest one, bachha! Our suburbs have turned into concrete jungle with swirling gutter water swamps; our drinking water has the stench of DDT powder and toxic enough to kill fish, we have poisonous snakes slithering at the airport and musical recitals by frogs, grasshoppers and crickets in our traffic islands, road dividers and gardens, flies buzzing within our drawing rooms and we often face fatal bites from troops of mosquitoes .Cholera, dengue, filaria, falciferum, dysentery ,chikungunia,you name we have it......as if that was not enough, we even have human predators! I hope the rascals are given capital punishment soon.....come on it doesn’t get worse than this even in actual jungles!
That did it, now her face and mood were even darker than before. Just as I was getting ready to scamper off, petrified that I was, I gathered strength to ask one last question,’ why then, are you buying a new remote, aunty?”
The clouds cleared instantly and beaming through her bright smile, she proudly stated,’ it’s for Surat’s saving grace on national T.V.Our dancing queen Ritu Gupta is hot stepping her way to towards the finals.
Tapi town tattle-Eclipse eclipsed!